In Some Countries, People Spend Long Hours at Work. Why Does This Happen? Is It a Positive or Negative Development
Sample Response
For the betterment of life, individuals like to do miscellaneous types of works. In this day and age, it is irrefutable that an increasing number of people are devoting more time at work than ever before. It has both merits and demerits but this essay will highlight that latter of this approach surpass the former one.
At the outset, for earning greener and pasture plebeians like to do long hours of work. Because in this competitive world it is mandatory for everyone to do a lot of hard work. To substantiate it, due to inflation folk like to spend long hours at their work to attaining a lavish lifestyle. Moving further, sometimes people want to acquire heaps of knowledge. Therefore, to broaden the horizon as well as paves the way for a dazzling future they have to do long-time work. Without diligence and determination, they cannot achieve anything in their life.
On the flip side, if homo-sapiens spend long hours at the workplace then the repercussions of this are worse. First and foremost, they cannot spend their quality time with their near and dear ones. Consequently, it reduces their relationship bond between them. Apart from it, a long time period at work put a devastating
.3g effect on their health. Owing to this they face several ailments, depression, anxiety, Insomnia, to name but a few. A survey was *0conducted that in China, the majority of people died in road accidents because they spend long hours at their workplace and do not get proper sleep.
To recapitulate briefly, working overtime is primarily attributed to the demand for higher work efficiency and promotional aspirations. On the other hand, taking too much time to work and definitely has a negative impact on people’s health as well as their products.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural phrasing Original: miscellaneous types of works Suggested revision: various types of work Why it matters: Work is uncountable here, and various is the natural adjective for different kinds.
- 2. Use precise verb Original: devoting Suggested revision: spending Why it matters: Spend is the natural verb for describing the amount of time used at work.
- 3. Remove sentence fragment Original: Because in this Suggested revision: In this Why it matters: Because leaves this statement as a dependent clause without a main clause.
- 4. Use clear example link Original: To substantiate it Suggested revision: For example Why it matters: For example accurately signals that the following point illustrates the preceding reason.
- 5. Use formal noun Original: folk Suggested revision: people Why it matters: People is more appropriate than the informal collective noun folk in an academic essay.
- 6. Use fixed phrase Original: at their work Suggested revision: at work Why it matters: The standard expression for being in one's workplace is at work.
- 7. Correct infinitive form Original: attaining Suggested revision: attain Why it matters: The infinitive marker to must be followed by the base form attain.
- 8. Use natural transition Original: Moving further Suggested revision: Furthermore Why it matters: Furthermore is a more natural academic transition for adding another reason.
- 9. Improve academic register Original: acquire heaps of knowledge Suggested revision: gain extensive knowledge Why it matters: Heaps of is informal and gain extensive knowledge expresses the idea more precisely.
- 10. Match plural possessive Original: broaden the horizon Suggested revision: broaden their horizons Why it matters: The idiom requires a possessive determiner and normally uses the plural horizons.
- 11. Keep verbs parallel Original: as well as paves Suggested revision: and pave Why it matters: Pave must be parallel with broaden after the infinitive marker to.
- 12. Use natural expression Original: long-time work Suggested revision: work long hours Why it matters: Work long hours is the standard expression for spending an extended time working.
Suggested Rewrites
- miscellaneous types of works various types of work
- devoting spending
- Because in this In this
- To substantiate it For example
- folk people
- at their work at work
Why this response received Band 5.5
The response presents a clear negative view and gives relevant reasons for long working hours, particularly financial pressure, along with effects on health and relationships. Its main limitation is that several ideas rely on vague or implausible support, while frequent awkward word choices and sentence errors weaken clarity. Prioritise developing one credible explanation and example for each main point in simpler, accurately controlled language.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response addresses both questions and maintains a negative position, but several reasons and consequences are only partly developed or supported unconvincingly.
Develop each main reason with a clear causal explanation and a realistic, directly relevant example.
Coherence and Cohesion
The paragraph sequence is broadly logical, though mechanical linking, a sentence fragment, and the disrupted health paragraph weaken the flow.
Use fewer formulaic linkers and ensure each sentence connects grammatically and logically to the preceding idea.
Lexical Resource
There is an attempt to use varied vocabulary, but frequent inappropriate collocations and word choices sometimes obscure the intended meaning.
Prefer precise, natural phrases such as financial security and family relationships instead of ornate or incorrectly used vocabulary.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Some complex structures are attempted, but frequent errors in agreement, sentence formation, articles, and verb patterns reduce accuracy and clarity.
Build complete sentences with accurate subject-verb agreement and verb forms before adding more complex clauses.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
In Some Countries, People Spend Long Hours at Work. Why Does This Happen? Is It a Positive or Negative Development
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.