Countries with long average working time are more economically successful, but they are also likely to suffer from negative social consequences. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
It is sometimes asserted that a country might economically benefit from its citizens working longer hours, however there are far-reaching repercussions at the societal level. I completely agree with this assertion as increased time commitment can result in elevated national gross product as well as certain social problems. To begin with, the rationale for my approval of the idea that a country’s economy is more robust if people spend longer hours at work is the increase in its gross product. As people devote a significant part of their days to fulfill work responsibilities, they can produce a greater amount of output, which collectively contributes to a growth in their countries’ wealth. An illustrative example is Japan where average employees work at least 50 hours a week, a figure far higher than most other countries. This disparity has reportedly contributed to the exceptionally high GDPs that have registered the country as one of the most powerful economies over the last decades. In addition, I also support the argument that countries are faced with several issues resulting from prolonged working time. Chief of these is decreasing public health as working extra hours generally lead people to burnout while leaving them mostly no room for physical exercise. If this condition lingers on, they might experience health problems such as obesity, which place a burden on national healthcare. Furthermore, overly-occupied people might suffer from loneliness caused by the shortage of time for quality social interactions. Many professionals in China, for instance, are deficient in casual outings as they are required to work about 12 hours every day, severely affecting their social relationships. In conclusion, I am in complete agreement with the idea that longer commitment at work is beneficial to a country’s economic output, but also causes social issues including health problems and a sense of solitude. That is why countries should rather invest in technical initiatives to enhance productivity and allow their citizens to strike a balance between personal and professional lives.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Fix comma splice Original: hours, however Suggested revision: hours; however, Why it matters: A semicolon is needed before however because it joins two independent clauses.
- 2. Place adverb naturally Original: economically benefit Suggested revision: benefit economically Why it matters: Placing the adverb after the verb produces a more natural verb phrase.
- 3. Name the factor directly Original: increased time commitment Suggested revision: longer working hours Why it matters: This phrase identifies the relevant kind of time commitment precisely.
- 4. Use natural terminology Original: elevated national gross product Suggested revision: higher national output Why it matters: Higher national output is a clearer and more natural expression of the claimed economic result.
- 5. Reduce nominalisation Original: the rationale for my approval of the idea Suggested revision: the main reason I agree Why it matters: The revision expresses the writer's reasoning directly and avoids an unnecessarily abstract noun phrase.
- 6. Use direct wording Original: more robust Suggested revision: stronger Why it matters: Stronger is the more direct adjective for describing an economy in this context.
- 7. Fix verb pattern Original: to fulfill work responsibilities Suggested revision: fulfilling their work responsibilities Why it matters: Devote time to requires a gerund, and the possessive determiner clarifies whose responsibilities are meant.
- 8. Remove wordiness Original: a greater amount of output Suggested revision: greater output Why it matters: Output already expresses the quantity produced, so amount of is unnecessary.
- 9. Remove unnecessary article Original: contributes to a growth in Suggested revision: contributes to growth in Why it matters: Growth is used as an uncountable noun when referring generally to economic increase.
- 10. Add relative-clause comma Original: Japan where Suggested revision: Japan, where Why it matters: The non-defining relative clause giving information about Japan must be set off with a comma.
- 11. Fix average construction Original: average employees work Suggested revision: employees work an average of Why it matters: An average of correctly introduces the typical number of weekly hours.
- 12. Fix faulty comparison Original: a figure far higher than most other countries Suggested revision: a figure far higher than those reported in most other countries Why it matters: The figure must be compared with other figures rather than with countries themselves.
Suggested Rewrites
- hours, however hours; however,
- economically benefit benefit economically
- increased time commitment longer working hours
- elevated national gross product higher national output
- the rationale for my approval of the idea the main reason I agree
- more robust stronger
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response is strongest in its clear agreement and sustained explanation of both economic output and social harm, with relevant cause-and-effect reasoning. Its main limitation is presentation as one dense paragraph, compounded by recurring unnatural collocations and a few agreement or clause-control errors. The highest-priority improvement is to separate the argument into purposeful paragraphs and edit imprecise phrases so the strong ideas are easier to follow and sound more natural.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The position is clear throughout, and both parts of the assertion are developed through explanations and examples.
Qualify the economic claim more carefully by acknowledging that longer hours do not automatically produce greater national prosperity.
Coherence and Cohesion
Logical sequencing and cohesive markers make the line of argument clear, but the entire response is presented as one undivided paragraph.
Use separate introduction, economic-effects, social-effects, and conclusion paragraphs to make the progression immediately visible.
Lexical Resource
The response uses a wide range of topic vocabulary, but recurring collocational choices such as decreasing public health and deficient in casual outings sound unnatural.
Prioritise idiomatic combinations such as declining public health, limited time for socialising, and investment in productivity-enhancing technology.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
There is a good variety of complex structures, although errors in punctuation, agreement, and clause construction occur without obscuring meaning.
Check comma use around however and ensure agreement in clauses such as health problems which place a burden on healthcare.
Write this task while it is fresh
Try the same task now. It helps you remember the feedback and write better next time.
IELTS Writing Task 2
Countries with long average working time are more economically successful, but they are also likely to suffer from negative social consequences. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.