In today's world, people are living longer than the past. What could be possible reasons for this? Many people think that this trend is negative for society. Do you agree or disagree with this?
Sample Response
As the world's economy has grown considerably, earning potential amongst people has increased at a quicker rate. Besides, the advancement in technology and medical research have made it possible to cure many diseases. Thus these have enhanced people's lifestyle. Moreover, medical developments have also affected the human health condition very positively and this gives a longer life expectancy to people. Many people think that increased average life is beneficial for the society. However, others criticise it and think that this is negative for the world. In this essay, both of these views are analysed before a logical conclusion is reached.
The medical advancement, innovation and scientific research on deadly diseases have made it possible for people to live longer than the previous generations. The improved lifestyle, globalisation and better medical facilities have increased the average life expectancy in many countries. The scarcity of foods and shelter was much more in the previous generations and famine was common in the last century but not anymore. People have better lifestyle and information at their fingertips. As a result, their health condition has enhanced and so has their life expectancy.
Consequently, the ratio of the older population has increased in many countries. That creates a pressure to some extent on a country's economy. For example, countries like Japan have a huge population of 60-70 years old who cannot actively contribute towards the economic growth of the country but the government needs a huge budget to support them. This has even led to a shortage of manpower in different sectors in some countries. Moreover, the government also needs to provide schemes for elderly people like pension schemes as well as other economic benefits for them. This is often a challenge in a developing or less-developed country. Thus the negative impacts of increased life expectancy can not be ignored.
However, there are certain benefits of longer living that we must take into consideration before supporting or opposing it. For instance, If elderly people get involved in the decision-making process and in professions like politics, teaching, writing, mentoring, the country can be benefitted immensely. The older generation can pass their history, traditions and experience among the young generation and that would always be beneficial. For instance, in Indian grandparents have a great importance while taking any important decision. Additionally, they can also be able to take care of any child of the family. Obviously, children require love, lesson, teaching and sympathy which they can get from their grandparents. From this relationship among family members can become stronger. It is quite evident that longer life has more benefits than drawbacks. The experience of older people could be used in education, politics and in other fields to enhance the overall economy of a country. Older people can give better suggestion to address a difficult situation from their experience and those experiences should be used in family and society. They preserve the manual way of living live and that has a great value to our society.
After analysing, pros and cons of longer life expectancy, it has been proved that increases life gives more benefits to the society. I, therefore, strongly oppose the viewpoint that longer life trend is negative for the society. It is hoped that this trend will be effective in foreseeable future.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use concise possessive Original: earning potential amongst people Suggested revision: people's earning potential Why it matters: The possessive phrase is more direct and natural.
- 2. Remove incomplete comparison Original: at a quicker rate Suggested revision: rapidly Why it matters: “Quicker” requires an explicit comparison, whereas “rapidly” states the change independently.
- 3. Fix plural subject Original: the advancement in technology and medical research have Suggested revision: advances in technology and medical research have Why it matters: The plural noun “advances” agrees with “have” and covers both fields.
- 4. Clarify the reference Original: Thus these have enhanced Suggested revision: Thus, these advances have improved Why it matters: The explicit noun removes the vague reference, and “Thus” requires a comma.
- 5. Use plural lifestyles Original: lifestyle Suggested revision: lifestyles Why it matters: The general statement concerns the lifestyles of multiple people.
- 6. Use concise health term Original: the human health condition Suggested revision: human health Why it matters: “Health condition” is redundant in this general claim.
- 7. Use life-expectancy collocation Original: gives a longer life expectancy to people Suggested revision: increases people's life expectancy Why it matters: Developments “increase life expectancy”; they do not “give” it to people.
- 8. Name the trend Original: increased average life Suggested revision: increased life expectancy Why it matters: “Life expectancy” is the conventional term for the average length of life.
- 9. Remove generic article Original: beneficial for the society Suggested revision: beneficial for society Why it matters: “Society” takes no article when used generally.
- 10. Compare people correctly Original: longer than the previous generations Suggested revision: longer than people in previous generations Why it matters: People must be compared with people, not directly with generations.
- 11. Use plural lifestyles Original: lifestyle Suggested revision: lifestyles Why it matters: A plural subject referring generally requires the plural count noun “lifestyles.”
- 12. Use improve collocation Original: their health condition has enhanced Suggested revision: their health has improved Why it matters: Health “improves”; it does not “enhance” itself.
Suggested Rewrites
- earning potential amongst people people's earning potential
- at a quicker rate rapidly
- the advancement in technology and medical research have advances in technology and medical research have
- Thus these have enhanced Thus, these advances have improved
- lifestyle lifestyles
- the human health condition human health
Why this response received Band 6.5
The essay addresses both parts extensively, explaining medical and living-standard causes before weighing economic pressures against older people’s social and practical contributions. Its strongest aspect is the breadth of relevant supporting ideas and examples. However, the position is delayed, the benefits section becomes repetitive and overextended, and frequent awkward constructions reduce clarity; prioritise a concise thesis, balanced body paragraphs, and one developed example for each major effect.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both the causes of longevity and the writer’s disagreement with its negative assessment are substantially addressed, but the stance arrives late and some support is repetitive or overstated.
State disagreement in the introduction and develop two distinct benefits rather than repeating that older people provide experience and advice.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response follows a clear causes–drawbacks–benefits sequence, but the very long benefits paragraph, repeated examples, and formulaic transitions weaken focus.
Limit each body paragraph to one main function and divide economic contributions from family and cultural contributions.
Lexical Resource
There is sufficient range for medicine, demographics, public finance, and intergenerational support, but frequent unnatural collocations and word forms reduce precision.
Use life expectancy, improved health, an ageing population, pressure on public finances, benefit from, and pass experience on to younger generations.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A range of sentence forms is attempted, but agreement, articles, prepositions, passive forms, capitalization, and sentence boundaries contain frequent errors.
Proofread complete clauses and correct forms such as medical advances have, pressure on, can benefit, in India, advice, and an increased lifespan.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
In today's world, people are living longer than the past. What could be possible reasons for this? Many people think that this trend is negative for society. Do you agree or disagree with this?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.