Some people think that the best way to reduce crime is to give longer prison sentences. Others, however, believe there are better alternative ways of reducing crime. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Sample Response
Crime is a serious and growing problem in most societies. Although many people believe that the best way to tackle this is to place people in prison for longer periods, others are of the opinion that other measures will be more effective.
There are benefits of giving offenders longer prison sentences. Firstly, spending a long time in prison provides an opportunity for the prison services to rehabilitate a prisoner. For example, someone who has committed a serious offence such as assault will need a long time in prison in order to be sure they can be re-educated not to re-offend. In addition to this, longer prison sentences will act as a deterrent for someone who is thinking of committing a crime.
However, some people argue that leaving people in prison for a long time means that they will mix with other criminals and so their character will not improve. One alternative is community service. This gives an offender the opportunity to give something positive back to society, and so it may improve their character. Also, the government could focus its resources on the causes of crime, which would lead to less crime in the future.
In my opinion, it is important to look at alternative methods. Many countries have lengthy prison sentences, but crime has continued to increase throughout the world, so it is clear that this is not completely effective. That said, long prison sentences should remain for those who commit serious crimes such as assault or murder, as justice for the victim and their family should take priority.
To conclude, there are good arguments for and against long sentences, so governments must continue to research the various methods of crime reduction to ensure effective policies are in place.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Clarify the reference Original: tackle this Suggested revision: tackle this problem Why it matters: Naming the problem directly makes the reference more precise.
- 2. Avoid vague wording Original: other Suggested revision: alternative Why it matters: 'Alternative measures' identifies the contrast with longer prison sentences more precisely.
- 3. Use natural preposition Original: of Suggested revision: to Why it matters: 'Benefits to' is the more natural construction before a gerund in this context.
- 4. Use concise term Original: the prison services Suggested revision: prison authorities Why it matters: This term refers more directly to those responsible for rehabilitation.
- 5. Maintain general plural Original: rehabilitate a prisoner Suggested revision: rehabilitate prisoners Why it matters: The plural form matches the paragraph's general discussion of offenders.
- 6. Use precise rehabilitation wording Original: a long time in prison in order to be sure they can be re-educated not to re-offend Suggested revision: considerable time in prison to ensure that they can be rehabilitated and do not reoffend Why it matters: The revision expresses the intended rehabilitation outcome more naturally and concisely.
- 7. Correct preposition Original: for Suggested revision: to Why it matters: The standard construction is 'a deterrent to' a person considering an action.
- 8. Choose accurate verb Original: leaving Suggested revision: keeping Why it matters: 'Keeping' more accurately describes continued imprisonment rather than departure.
- 9. Use formal wording Original: mix with other criminals Suggested revision: associate with other offenders Why it matters: The replacement is more precise and appropriately formal for an academic essay.
- 10. Use measurable phrase Original: less crime Suggested revision: lower crime rates Why it matters: 'Lower crime rates' expresses the expected outcome more precisely.
- 11. Clarify the reference Original: this is not completely effective Suggested revision: these sentences are not completely effective Why it matters: The plural noun phrase clearly identifies lengthy prison sentences as the subject of the claim.
- 12. Use decision-focused verb Original: research Suggested revision: evaluate Why it matters: 'Evaluate' better expresses comparing methods to determine which policies are effective.
Suggested Rewrites
- tackle this tackle this problem
- other alternative
- of to
- the prison services prison authorities
- rehabilitate a prisoner rehabilitate prisoners
- a long time in prison in order to be sure they can be re-educated not to re-offend considerable time in prison to ensure that they can be rehabilitated and do not reoffend
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response discusses both positions clearly and gives a well-supported, suitably nuanced opinion, while its paragraphs and sentence structures guide the reader with ease. The main limitation is some repetition of central vocabulary and a few broad claims that could be more precisely supported. The highest-priority improvement is to deepen the comparison of alternatives with more specific evidence about how prevention or community service reduces offending.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
All parts are directly addressed, with a clear opinion and relevant development of imprisonment, rehabilitation, deterrence, and alternatives.
Support the claims about worldwide crime trends and preventive measures with a more specific explanation or example.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response is logically sequenced, clearly paragraphed, and cohesively connected throughout without overusing linking expressions.
Make the concluding paragraph state the preferred policy balance more decisively rather than ending with a general call for research.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is sufficiently varied and precise for the topic, though repeated use of 'long prison sentences' and 'crime' limits flexibility slightly.
Use a wider but natural range of references, such as 'extended incarceration', 'serious offending', and 'preventive policy', where appropriate.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex structures is used accurately, with most sentences error-free and punctuation well controlled.
Refine occasional dense clauses by reducing repeated coordination so that the strongest sentences remain concise as well as accurate.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people think that the best way to reduce crime is to give longer prison sentences. Others, however, believe there are better alternative ways of reducing crime. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.