Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. So, sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?
This response is estimated at Band 8.0. Can you write a better one?
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Sample Response
It is no secret that most processed foods and drinks contain excessive amounts of sugar, and this causes several health problems while also contributing to the growing obesity epidemic in many countries. In light of this, many argue that sugary products should be made more expensive to discourage consumptionin order to discourage consumption and encourage healthier alternatives. I completely agree with this viewpoint.
One of the main reasons for the excessive consumption of sugary products and drinks is their low cost. Therefore, increasing the price of sugary products could be an effective methodwould be a proven method of reducing their overall consumption. A recent study conducted by the World Health Organization revealedreveals that a 20% price increase in sugary drinks resulted in a 15% decreaseas much as a 15% decrease in their consumption in just six months. It is reasonable to expect thatIt is very logical that, when sugary products are expensive, many people will be less likely to consume them as frequentlyindulge in them as frequentlyand will instead opt, and will instead opt for healthier alternatives. This will be particularly beneficial for low-income individuals, who are disproportionately affected by obesity and related health problems due to their reliance on cheap, unhealthy food.
In addition, increasing the price of sugary products and imposing higher taxes on manufacturers of such products, can also serve as a deterrent against includinga deterrent for them to include excessive amounts of sugar in their products. In this wayThis way, manufacturerssellers will be incentivized to reduce the amount of sugar in their products in order to remain competitive in the market and make a profit.
In conclusion, increasing the cost of sugary products is an effective method of reducing sugar consumption and promoting healthier eating habits. It would not only discourage the excessive consumption of these products but also make healthier options more accessible and affordable for all.
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response is direct, persuasive, and well organised, with a consistently clear position and strong development of how higher prices could change consumer behaviour. The smaller limitation is that the manufacturer-focused argument and the final affordability claim are less fully supported; the best improvement would be to explain that second mechanism in comparable depth and keep the conclusion strictly aligned with established points.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The task is fully addressed through a clear position and well-developed reasons, though the second reason and the final affordability claim receive less support.
Expand how taxation would change manufacturers' formulations and avoid adding a conclusion claim that the body has not established.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas are sequenced clearly across focused paragraphs, and cohesive devices guide the argument smoothly without distracting from progression.
Strengthen the transition into the manufacturer argument by making its relationship to the pricing proposal more explicit.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is flexible, precise, and appropriately academic, with only minor imprecision in phrases such as “a deterrent for them to include.”
Refine occasional collocations and maintain exact participant labels when moving between manufacturers and sellers.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex structures is handled accurately, with only isolated punctuation and phrasing slips.
Remove unnecessary commas that separate a long subject from its verb and check the syntax of complex complement patterns.