Tobacco is a kind of drug. People have been free to use it. Some people think that it should be illegal to use it compared with other drugs.
Sample Response
In the wake of the social revolution, people nowadays are increasingly addicted to various drugs in different forms. Tobacco is one such drug, which is considered to be in the top four of most addictive drugs. Many believe that owing to its addiction and its treacherous effects on human body, it should be banned. In apropos of the argument, I am in consummate accord with it and I believe that consumption of tobacco in any form must be prohibited. This opinion is surrounded by multiple arguments as below. To begin with, people are increasingly showing the propensity of using tobacco products because of the change in social structure. In other words, over the years, most of the families have become nuclear and adults are not under any guidance to be protected from smoking habits. For an instance, as per a survey in the USA, 70% of the adults have affirmed that they were inclined to use cigarettes as they did not have anyone at home to guide and show adequate direction. Thus, the onus is on the government to declare tobacco production and sell as illegal. In addition, smoking has horrendous repercussion on the human body, which is evidently paralysing the youth of a nation. In a survey in the USA, 60% of the teenagers have confirmed addiction and health ailments germinated by such drugs. Admittedly, it is weakening a nation's health index and consequently, its prosperity. As a result, it is mandatory to ban such drugs to reinvigorate the health of the denizens. To sum up, owing to tobacco's addictive features and its adverse effects on human health, it is imperative that government must interfere and prohibit such drugs to be sold and used.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Fix ranking phrase Original: in the top four of most addictive drugs Suggested revision: among the four most addictive drugs Why it matters: Among the four most is the correct structure for placing something within a ranked group.
- 2. Name the property Original: owing to its addiction Suggested revision: owing to its addictive nature Why it matters: The tobacco itself is addictive, whereas addiction describes a person's condition.
- 3. Fix word choice Original: treacherous Suggested revision: harmful Why it matters: Treacherous describes betrayal or danger, while harmful directly describes adverse health effects.
- 4. Add article Original: on human body Suggested revision: on the human body Why it matters: The generic singular noun body requires the definite article in this expression.
- 5. Fix linking phrase Original: In apropos of the argument Suggested revision: Regarding this argument Why it matters: Apropos is used incorrectly here, while regarding clearly introduces the writer's response.
- 6. Use natural phrasing Original: in consummate accord with it Suggested revision: in complete agreement Why it matters: This replacement expresses agreement clearly without the unnatural collocation consummate accord.
- 7. Fix noun pattern Original: showing the propensity of using Suggested revision: showing a propensity to use Why it matters: Propensity takes an indefinite article and is conventionally followed by to plus the infinitive.
- 8. Allow multiple changes Original: the change in social structure Suggested revision: changes in social structures Why it matters: The plural form more naturally refers to broad shifts across families and society.
- 9. Remove article Original: most of the families Suggested revision: most families Why it matters: No definite article is needed when making a general statement about families.
- 10. Use natural collocation Original: under Suggested revision: receiving Why it matters: People receive guidance rather than exist under guidance in this context.
- 11. Clarify intended meaning Original: to be protected from smoking habits Suggested revision: to avoid developing smoking habits Why it matters: This wording clearly describes preventing the formation of a habit.
- 12. Remove article Original: For an instance Suggested revision: For instance Why it matters: For instance is a fixed expression and does not take an article.
Suggested Rewrites
- in the top four of most addictive drugs among the four most addictive drugs
- owing to its addiction owing to its addictive nature
- treacherous harmful
- on human body on the human body
- In apropos of the argument Regarding this argument
- in consummate accord with it in complete agreement
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response maintains a clear position and offers two relevant reasons for prohibiting tobacco, with meaning remaining generally understandable. Its main limitations are weakly substantiated claims, a single-paragraph structure, and frequent unnatural word choices that sometimes obscure the argument. The highest priority is to organise the reasons into distinct body paragraphs and develop each through credible causal explanation expressed in simpler, more precise language.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The writer answers the issue with a clear position and relevant reasons, but several claims and statistical examples are insufficiently explained or convincing.
Support each reason with a credible causal explanation instead of unsupported survey figures or broad claims about family structure.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument follows a discernible sequence, but presenting the entire response as one paragraph weakens organisation and makes linking feel mechanical.
Separate the introduction, each main reason, and the conclusion into purposeful paragraphs with clearer internal progression.
Lexical Resource
There is a broad and ambitious vocabulary, but frequent miscollocations and overly ornate choices reduce naturalness and precision.
Prefer accurate, familiar phrasing and check combinations such as propensity to use, harmful repercussions, and tobacco production and sale.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses varied complex structures, although recurring errors with articles, prepositions, agreement, and verb patterns are noticeable.
Review sentence structures for correct complementation and remove constructions that combine competing forms, such as imperative that with must.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Tobacco is a kind of drug. People have been free to use it. Some people think that it should be illegal to use it compared with other drugs.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.