Childcare training courses should be mandatory for all parents. Do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give your own opinion and include relevant examples.
Sample Response
It is true that parents need some knowledge and experience in order to raise their kids in an appropriate way. In this regard, many families attend different training courses. While I agree that these courses might be useful for some of them, I totally disagree with the recommended obligatory pattern of such training.
On the one hand, training courses usually offered by governments could be very useful for those guardians who have a kid with special needs. For example, if a child has a birth defect or has been diagnosed with any mental or musculoskeletal disorders, these kinds of training could be lifesaving. Additionally, as we know, the first few months after birth are really a crucial period of a child’s life; parents should obtain different information related to their child’s vaccinations, common health problems, different developmental issues and so on, which can be delivered through such training courses.
On the other hand, I believe that making these programs as a mandatory option would cause several problems for societies and individuals as well. To begin with, in order to achieve this goal, many professionals should be trained which may not be affordable for some governments. From an individual’s point of view, this kind of mandatory programs could be very time-consuming for some families who have other kids at home or who work long hours. The other important consideration is that parent training courses may not provide all the necessary information for each and every family. To be more specific, parents could get more beneficial information through different websites such as YouTube according to their own preferences.
In conclusion, although I believe that many families can take advantage from training courses, I do believe that making them as a compulsory option for everyone is too time and money-consuming for individuals and governments.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Clarify compulsory proposal Original: the recommended obligatory pattern of such training Suggested revision: the proposal to make such training compulsory Why it matters: The original phrase is unnatural and obscures the policy being rejected.
- 2. Keep reference consistent Original: guardians Suggested revision: parents Why it matters: Parents is more precise and consistent with the subject of the essay.
- 3. Use formal wording Original: kid Suggested revision: child Why it matters: Child is more appropriate than kid in a formal academic essay.
- 4. Match uncountable noun Original: these kinds of training Suggested revision: this kind of training Why it matters: Training is uncountable here, so use the singular demonstrative construction.
- 5. Use natural information phrase Original: different information related to Suggested revision: information about Why it matters: Information is uncountable, and about expresses the relationship more naturally.
- 6. Remove faulty complement Original: making these programs as a mandatory option Suggested revision: making these programs mandatory Why it matters: Make takes an object followed directly by the adjective mandatory.
- 7. Fix number agreement Original: this kind of mandatory programs Suggested revision: these mandatory programs Why it matters: The demonstrative and noun must agree in number.
- 8. Use natural collocation Original: beneficial Suggested revision: useful Why it matters: Useful information is the more natural collocation in this context.
- 9. Correct preposition Original: take advantage from training courses Suggested revision: benefit from training courses Why it matters: Benefit from expresses the intended meaning with the correct preposition.
- 10. Remove faulty complement Original: making them as a compulsory option Suggested revision: making them compulsory Why it matters: Make takes the object directly before the adjective compulsory.
- 11. Use concise formal wording Original: raise their kids in an appropriate way Suggested revision: raise their children appropriately Why it matters: The replacement is more concise and suitably formal for an academic essay.
- 12. Fix determiner and number Original: any mental or musculoskeletal disorders Suggested revision: a mental or musculoskeletal disorder Why it matters: After diagnosed with, the singular alternatives require an indefinite article.
Suggested Rewrites
- the recommended obligatory pattern of such training the proposal to make such training compulsory
- guardians parents
- kid child
- these kinds of training this kind of training
- different information related to information about
- making these programs as a mandatory option making these programs mandatory
Why this response received Band 7.5
The essay presents a consistent position, develops relevant arguments on both the usefulness and compulsory nature of childcare courses, and moves through them in a very clear sequence. The main weakness is a cluster of unnatural collocations and grammatical slips in otherwise flexible language. The best improvement would be to refine phrasing around obligation, cost, and benefit while preserving the strong development and organisation.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response directly addresses the proposition, maintains a clear disagreement, and supports its reasoning with relevant explanations and examples.
Strengthen the argument further by explaining more precisely why optional online information can replace or complement formal training.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas are logically sequenced in well-focused paragraphs, and cohesive devices guide the reader smoothly through the qualification and opposing case.
Refine the transition between acknowledging the courses’ value and rejecting compulsion so the central distinction is even sharper.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is varied and topic-appropriate, but several unnatural combinations such as mandatory option and take advantage from limit precision.
Review verb-preposition combinations and collocations connected with requirements, public expenditure, and obtaining benefits.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The essay uses a wide range of complex structures effectively, although agreement and construction errors occur in several sentences.
Check noun agreement and patterns after verbs such as make, particularly in phrases like this kind of programs and making programs mandatory.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Childcare training courses should be mandatory for all parents. Do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give your own opinion and include relevant examples.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.