Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programs (for example working for a charity, improving the neighborhood or teaching sports to younger children). To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
It is argued that voluntary services like charity, cleaning the neighborhood, imparting knowledge to the underprivileged, etc. should be made mandatory in the high school curriculum. I strongly agree to this as it not only helps in students becoming socially responsible adults but also in shaping their character.
Firstly, community service inculcates a sense of responsibility towards the society, something that is needed to shape a good society. For instance, the introduction of Swatch Bharath scheme in my school, The Hyderabad Public School, ten years ago taught me not only to keep the surroundings of the school clean but also to never litter wherever I go. Hence, now I feel responsible to maintain cleanliness everywhere. Such services are needed to develop a better society in the future.
Secondly, voluntary services cater to the overall character development of an individual. It inculcates a feeling of empathy in children which is needed to build a better character. For example, an alumnus of Montessori High School, who indulged in petty law-breaking activities during school confessed that it was the charity service that he did in high school; which engraved deep ideas and thoughts in his mind; helped him in becoming a better person for his family and refrained him from committing socially irresponsible acts. Thus, such voluntary activities teach us to value what we have and in turn contributes to our personality development.
That being said, we cannot deny the fact that many students misuse the time allocated for these services by considering it as an excursion to enjoy with friends rather than a learning experience.
In conclusion, although compulsory voluntary community service has its drawbacks, it is still useful in shaping a child as a socially responsible citizen and also in their overall personality development. Therefore, pupils should be encouraged to involve themselves in such activities.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use precise wording Original: voluntary services like charity Suggested revision: unpaid activities such as charity work Why it matters: This wording more accurately describes the kinds of community service named in the task.
- 2. Correct preposition Original: to Suggested revision: with Why it matters: Use 'agree with' when supporting an idea or proposal.
- 3. Fix verb pattern Original: helps in students becoming Suggested revision: helps students become Why it matters: The verb 'help' is followed directly by the object and a bare infinitive here.
- 4. Restore parallel structure Original: but also in shaping Suggested revision: but also shapes Why it matters: This makes the two coordinated verb phrases grammatically parallel.
- 5. Remove unnecessary article Original: towards the society Suggested revision: towards society Why it matters: Society is used in a general sense here and does not take 'the'.
- 6. Add article Original: introduction of Swatch Bharath scheme Suggested revision: introduction of the Swatch Bharath scheme Why it matters: The named scheme requires the definite article in this construction.
- 7. Improve parallel phrasing Original: to never litter Suggested revision: never to litter Why it matters: This placement aligns more smoothly with the earlier infinitive phrase 'to keep'.
- 8. Fix adjective pattern Original: responsible to maintain Suggested revision: responsible for maintaining Why it matters: The adjective 'responsible' takes 'for' followed by a gerund in this meaning.
- 9. Correct collocation Original: cater to the overall character development Suggested revision: contribute to overall character development Why it matters: 'Contribute to' expresses a beneficial influence more naturally than 'cater to' here.
- 10. Fix subject agreement Original: contributes Suggested revision: contribute Why it matters: The plural subject 'activities' requires the plural verb 'contribute'.
- 11. Use direct wording Original: imparting knowledge to the underprivileged Suggested revision: teaching underprivileged people Why it matters: The revision is more direct and avoids using an adjective as a collective noun.
- 12. Strengthen vague wording Original: something that is needed to shape a good society Suggested revision: which is essential to building a well-functioning society Why it matters: The revision replaces repeated and vague wording with a more precise claim.
Suggested Rewrites
- voluntary services like charity unpaid activities such as charity work
- to with
- helps in students becoming helps students become
- but also in shaping but also shapes
- towards the society towards society
- introduction of Swatch Bharath scheme introduction of the Swatch Bharath scheme
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response maintains a clear position and develops two relevant benefits through specific examples, giving it a purposeful and generally persuasive argument. Its main limitation is uneven language control, especially in the long second example, where awkward clause linking, agreement, and collocation weaken precision. The highest priority is to express each supporting example in shorter, accurately controlled sentences while keeping the stance on compulsory service consistent through the conclusion.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A clear position is supported by two relevant and generally developed reasons, although the conclusion softens compulsory service to encouragement.
Keep the exact stance consistent and make each example more directly demonstrate why participation should be mandatory.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response progresses logically through distinct reasons, but the brief concession and heavily loaded second example interrupt the otherwise clear flow.
Integrate the concession into a developed paragraph and split the long example into a cleaner sequence of claims and support.
Lexical Resource
A good range of topic vocabulary conveys the argument effectively, despite several imprecise collocations such as describing ideas as engraved in the mind.
Choose more natural verb-noun combinations and avoid ambitious expressions unless their meaning and grammatical pattern are secure.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses varied complex structures, but agreement, preposition, pronoun, and clause-linking errors recur and occasionally make sentences awkward.
Prioritise accurate control of relative clauses and subject-verb agreement, especially when constructing extended examples.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programs (for example working for a charity, improving the neighborhood or teaching sports to younger children). To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.