It is sometimes said that people should be encouraged to get married before they are 30, as this is the best for the individual and for society.
Sample Response
In the past, people used to get married at a younger age, usually after turning 20. In the modern society, individuals reduced the priority of getting married as their demands from life increased. However, I personally believe that getting married before the thirties is beneficial for people as well as the society. In this essay, we will analyse how this can enable people to plan their future and help reduce responsibilities of the government.
To begin with, if folks start favouring marriage before the thirties, they can get enough time to understand each other before starting their own family. This will not only help them to develop trust in each other but also helps them to get familiar with partner's dreams. In other words, they can easily work together towards building their upcoming life. Thus, it is apparent that this marriage will provide them ample of time for structuring their future in a positive way.
Besides this, couples wedded before these years have higher chances of giving birth to a baby at a younger age. Owing to this, the health of the child as well as parents is benefited. As a result, it is less likely for them to suffer from ailments at an earlier stage and thereby, increases the life expectancy of human beings. From this, it is clear that government might need to spend minimum resources on health benefits of society and can concentrate largely on the economic growth of the country.
After analysing the areas of personal and social benefits, it is clear that such couples can expect healthy family life and thus the country can expect the growth. It has now been shown that individuals should be motivated for getting married before thirty. It is thus expected that government will educate the nation about the benefits of engaging themselves in a relationship at the proper age.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Remove extra article Original: the modern society Suggested revision: modern society Why it matters: “Society” takes no article when referring generally to modern society.
- 2. Use natural expression Original: individuals reduced the priority of getting married Suggested revision: individuals have placed less priority on marriage Why it matters: The revised expression uses a natural collocation and a tense that connects the change to the present.
- 3. Correct preposition Original: demands from life Suggested revision: demands on their lives Why it matters: The natural phrase is “demands on their lives,” not demands from life.
- 4. Clarify age reference Original: before the thirties is beneficial Suggested revision: before the age of thirty is beneficial Why it matters: “The thirties” refers to ages 30–39 rather than the point before a person turns thirty.
- 5. Remove extra article Original: as well as the society Suggested revision: as well as society Why it matters: General “society” does not take the definite article here.
- 6. Use concise possessive Original: responsibilities of the government Suggested revision: the government's responsibilities Why it matters: The possessive form is more concise and natural.
- 7. Use formal noun Original: folks Suggested revision: people Why it matters: “People” is more appropriate than the informal “folks” in an academic essay.
- 8. Clarify age limit Original: before the thirties, they Suggested revision: before the age of thirty, they Why it matters: The revised phrase states the intended age threshold precisely.
- 9. Use natural verb Original: get Suggested revision: have Why it matters: “Have enough time” is the natural collocation in this context.
- 10. Remove unnecessary possessive Original: starting their own family Suggested revision: starting a family Why it matters: “Start a family” is the standard expression and does not require “their own.”
- 11. Use natural phrase Original: upcoming Suggested revision: future Why it matters: “Future life” is more natural than “upcoming life” for long-term plans.
- 12. Clarify reference Original: this marriage Suggested revision: marrying earlier Why it matters: The revision clearly refers to the action under discussion rather than an unspecified marriage.
Suggested Rewrites
- the modern society modern society
- individuals reduced the priority of getting married individuals have placed less priority on marriage
- demands from life demands on their lives
- before the thirties is beneficial before the age of thirty is beneficial
- as well as the society as well as society
- responsibilities of the government the government's responsibilities
Why this response received Band 6.5
The essay presents a clear supportive position and develops personal benefits through relationship-building and family planning, alongside a claimed social benefit through lower healthcare costs. Its strongest feature is the logical separation of individual and societal effects; the main limitation is that the health and government-spending claims are broad and insufficiently evidenced. The priority is to use realistic support and explain more carefully why marriage before 30 itself produces the stated outcomes.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The position is clear and individual and social benefits are both developed, but several causal claims about health, longevity, and public spending are generalized or unsupported.
Support the argument with a realistic example and distinguish the effects of marrying earlier from the separate effects of becoming a parent younger.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay progresses logically from the position through personal and societal benefits to a consistent conclusion, with clear paragraph-level organization.
Tighten the link between the second body paragraph and the social-benefit claim so each causal step is explicit and credible.
Lexical Resource
There is sufficient range for discussing marriage, family planning, health, and society, but recurring awkward collocations reduce precision.
Use natural phrases such as “place less emphasis on marriage,” “learn about a partner’s goals,” “ample time,” and “lower healthcare expenditure.”
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A range of complex structures is attempted, but recurring errors in agreement, articles, pronoun reference, and clause control reduce accuracy.
Check parallel structures and subjects in sentences containing “not only,” “the health of parents and children,” and “the government may spend.”
Write this task while it is fresh
Try the same task now. It helps you remember the feedback and write better next time.
IELTS Writing Task 2
It is sometimes said that people should be encouraged to get married before they are 30, as this is the best for the individual and for society.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.