Today, most people get married and give birth in their thirties rather than when they are younger. Is it a positive or negative development in your opinion? To what extent do you support this development?
Sample Response
The issue of early weddings followed by a pregnancy before thirties (LR1) has grown in importance over the past few years (GR1) / (TR1). This is a common dream between many women (LR2), but nowadays this dream is facing drastic changes due to many factors. Globalization, economic crises and increasing population numbers (TR2) are contributing for that (LR3). I strongly believe that couples need to be aware and convicts of their situation (LR4) before decide (GR2) to have children before thirties.
Although an early marriage and pregnancy is a desire for many couples, there are some factors that need to be considered (CC1). Firstly (CC2), due to the world economic crises which made the number of available jobs decrease considerably and also the real state industry increasing prices exponentially, directly affecting millions of people (CC3) and their dreams of constitute (LR5) a family and buy the first residence. Secondly, the cost of living is reaching numbers that average salaries cannot afford (TR3). For example, a study from Boston university (TR4) showed that nearly one third of the newlyweds in which the couples were (GR3) below thirties, do not intend to have children. The central reason behind this is (CC4) the uncertainty of being able to (GR4) provide a decent life for their children (LR6).
However (CC5), this scenario is a tendency for our reality (LR7) these days, I firmly believe that this situation is a negative development (TR5) in the society. Many families are being constituted late or even not starting. For example, women (TR6) having their babies after 35 years old is a risk not only for the mother’s health (GR5), as well for the baby (GR6). The child can be born with malformation (TR7) and very weak with a risk to develop diseases due to their fragile immune system (LR8). On the same way the mother, that can face serious health problems and also a big risk of losing the child.
To conclude (CC6 & 7), a mature decision must be made for (GR7) the couple. Not only the desire of an early marriage with many sons but, more important than that if they would be able to provide the basics for the children like a health environment, education and support (TR8). In my opinion a balance between the desire versus reality must be taken in consideration before take a decision (TR9). After that within the couple limits (GR8) / (LR9), decide a proper age to get married and have their children.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. State the issue naturally Original: The issue of early weddings followed by a pregnancy before thirties (LR1) Suggested revision: The issue of marrying and having children before one's thirties Why it matters: This revision uses natural expressions for marriage, childbirth, and the age period.
- 2. Remove editing labels Original: over the past few years (GR1) / (TR1) Suggested revision: over the past few years Why it matters: The parenthetical labels are editing artifacts and do not belong in the essay.
- 3. Correct preposition Original: common dream between many women (LR2) Suggested revision: common dream among many women Why it matters: Among is used when something is shared by members of a larger group.
- 4. Fix unnatural collocation Original: this dream is facing drastic changes Suggested revision: this aspiration is changing substantially Why it matters: An aspiration can change, while face changes is not natural in this context.
- 5. Correct verb preposition Original: are contributing for that (LR3) Suggested revision: are contributing to that Why it matters: The verb contribute takes the preposition to.
- 6. Correct adjective choice Original: aware and convicts of their situation (LR4) Suggested revision: aware of and convinced about their situation Why it matters: Convicts is a noun or verb, while convinced supplies the intended adjective.
- 7. Use gerund after before Original: before decide (GR2) Suggested revision: before deciding Why it matters: Before takes a gerund when it is followed directly by a verb.
- 8. Use accurate cost wording Original: cost of living is reaching numbers that average salaries cannot afford (TR3) Suggested revision: cost of living is reaching levels that people on average salaries cannot afford Why it matters: People afford costs, while salaries themselves do not perform that action.
- 9. Correct source phrasing Original: a study from Boston university (TR4) Suggested revision: a study by Boston University Why it matters: A study is conducted by an institution, and the university's proper name needs capitals.
- 10. Simplify relative structure Original: newlyweds in which the couples were (GR3) below thirties Suggested revision: newlywed couples under thirty Why it matters: The original relative structure is ungrammatical and below thirties is not idiomatic.
- 11. Use natural family phrasing Original: being constituted late or even not starting Suggested revision: being formed later or not at all Why it matters: Families are formed, and not at all completes the contrast clearly.
- 12. Fix age and agreement Original: women (TR6) having their babies after 35 years old is a risk Suggested revision: women having babies after the age of 35 face risks Why it matters: The revision uses the idiomatic age expression and makes the plural subject agree with the verb.
Suggested Rewrites
- The issue of early weddings followed by a pregnancy before thirties (LR1) The issue of marrying and having children before one's thirties
- over the past few years (GR1) / (TR1) over the past few years
- common dream between many women (LR2) common dream among many women
- this dream is facing drastic changes this aspiration is changing substantially
- are contributing for that (LR3) are contributing to that
- aware and convicts of their situation (LR4) aware of and convinced about their situation
Why this response received Band 5.5
The response offers a recognisable position and relevant economic and health reasons, with a clear broad paragraph structure and attempts at complex language. However, the stance is inconsistent in the introduction, several ideas are loosely or awkwardly developed, and frequent grammatical and word-choice errors strain clarity. The highest priority is to establish one precise position and express each supporting point in complete, accurately controlled sentences.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The essay addresses the development and presents relevant reasons, but its initial position is unclear and some supporting claims are insufficiently precise.
State clearly whether delayed marriage and childbirth are supported, then link every reason directly to that judgement.
Coherence and Cohesion
Paragraphing provides an overall progression, but faulty linking, sentence fragments, and loosely connected points weaken cohesion within paragraphs.
Build each paragraph around one controlling idea and connect complete sentences with accurate logical transitions.
Lexical Resource
The response shows some range, but frequent inaccurate collocations and word choices reduce precision and sometimes strain meaning.
Prioritise accurate common collocations such as real estate, start a family, and take into consideration.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex structures are attempted, but frequent errors in sentence boundaries, agreement, articles, prepositions, and verb forms limit control.
Write complete main clauses first, then check every verb form and subject-verb agreement before adding subordinate detail.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Today, most people get married and give birth in their thirties rather than when they are younger. Is it a positive or negative development in your opinion? To what extent do you support this development?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.