The mass media, including television, radio and newspapers, have great influence in shaping people's ideas. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Sample Response
The mass media have a powerful influence in shaping our lives. We have come to depend on them for information and entertainment, and in doing so we let them affect important aspects of our lives. The undeniable usefulness of the media in almost instantly providing information about events around the world is largely taken for granted. But in our dependence on the media we have allowed them to mould our notions and opinions of events, places and people. Though few of us probably think about it, our conceptions of, say, our elected officials spring from television images and newspaper stories. Most of us will never meet prime ministers or presidents, but anyone who is regularly exposed to the media will have an opinion of them. When it is time to cast our vote, we will make our decision based on how the media portray the candidates. We are similarly swayed by coverage of wars. The media, representing the values of their owners, societies and governments, tend to report wars with a bias; which is the 'good' side and which the 'bad' is determined for us by reporters, editors and commentators, and sure enough the public begins to form opinions that reflect the coverage they see, hear and read in the major media. The media are also influential in the way they facilitate the spread of culture and lifestyle. The so-called 'global youth culture', in which one finds young people around the world displaying a common interest in music, clothing styles and films, is an example of the media's enormous sway in this regard. A popular figure such as Michael Jackson would never be so well known were it not for the media's extensive reach into every society on the globe. Thus I would argue that the mass media's influence is certainly great. Indeed, with technological advancements such as the Internet bringing even more forms of electronic media to our homes and workplaces, it is likely the media's influence will grow even stronger.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Improve word order Original: in almost instantly providing information Suggested revision: in providing information almost instantly Why it matters: Placing the adverb after the object makes its relationship to providing clearer.
- 2. Use precise preposition Original: in Suggested revision: through Why it matters: Through expresses the means by which the media have acquired influence more precisely.
- 3. Remove near repetition Original: notions and opinions Suggested revision: views Why it matters: Views conveys the intended meaning without pairing two near-synonyms.
- 4. Use direct wording Original: our conceptions of, say, our elected officials Suggested revision: our perceptions of our elected officials Why it matters: The revision removes the conversational aside and uses the more natural noun in this context.
- 5. Use natural preposition Original: of Suggested revision: about Why it matters: Opinion about more directly expresses having a view concerning these people.
- 6. Match plural subject Original: vote Suggested revision: votes Why it matters: The plural subject we refers to multiple individual votes.
- 7. Simplify causal link Original: in the way they facilitate Suggested revision: because they facilitate Why it matters: Because states the reason for the media's influence more directly.
- 8. Remove distant viewpoint Original: in which one finds young people Suggested revision: in which young people Why it matters: Removing one finds makes the description more direct without changing the claim.
- 9. Avoid absolute wording Original: every society on the globe Suggested revision: societies across the globe Why it matters: Societies across the globe retains the idea of broad reach without making an unnecessary absolute claim.
- 10. Improve collocation Original: influence will grow even stronger Suggested revision: influence will become even greater Why it matters: Influence is more naturally described as greater rather than stronger in this construction.
- 11. Sentence rewrite Original: The media, representing the values of their owners, societies and governments, tend to report wars with a bias; which is the 'good' side and which the 'bad' is determined for us by reporters, editors and commentators, and sure enough the public begins to form opinions that reflect the coverage they see, hear and read in the major media. Suggested revision: The media, representing the values of their owners, societies and governments, tend to report wars with bias; reporters, editors and commentators determine which side is 'good' or 'bad', and the public then forms opinions that reflect this coverage. Why it matters: The rewrite removes the incorrect semicolon before which and clarifies the sequence of agents and effects.
- 12. Separate argument stages Suggested revision: Create distinct paragraphs for the opening position, political coverage, cultural influence, and the concluding prediction. Why it matters: The single paragraph conceals clear changes in focus and weakens progression for the reader.
Suggested Rewrites
- in almost instantly providing information in providing information almost instantly
- in through
- notions and opinions views
- our conceptions of, say, our elected officials our perceptions of our elected officials
- of about
- vote votes
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response presents a clear, sustained position and develops it convincingly through political, wartime, and cultural examples, using precise language and varied complex structures. The principal weakness is presentation as a single continuous paragraph, which obscures the otherwise strong progression; there is also one awkwardly punctuated long sentence. Organise the distinct lines of argument into paragraphs and refine that sentence boundary.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The position is clear throughout and is extensively developed through several relevant, specific illustrations of media influence.
Add a brief qualification about audience choice or differing media sources to make the evaluation of the extent even more nuanced.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument progresses smoothly from political influence to war coverage and culture, with cohesive references that rarely draw attention.
Create distinct paragraphs for the introduction, each major sphere of influence, and the conclusion so the conceptual progression is visually clear.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is broad, precise, and natural, allowing sophisticated distinctions about opinion, bias, culture, and media reach.
Maintain this precision while avoiding the occasional dated or overly general illustration when a more current, specific example would be sharper.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex structures are varied and highly controlled, with only a rare punctuation problem in an extended sentence.
Replace the semicolon before the embedded question about good and bad sides with punctuation and clause structure that clearly separate the ideas.
Write this task while it is fresh
Try the same task now. It helps you remember the feedback and write better next time.
IELTS Writing Task 2
The mass media, including television, radio and newspapers, have great influence in shaping people's ideas. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.