To get a good job today, it is more important for children to study mathematics and foreign languages than art and music. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Sample Response
Job opportunities are becoming highly competitive these days. Skills in a foreign language and mathematics keep a person the extra mile ahead of people with knowledge in music and arts. The importance of arts and music cannot be denied in a person's life but it is evident that for most jobs, a second language and mathematical skills are far more important. That is why I totally agree with the idea that children should focus more on mathematics and a foreign language in academic life than arts subjects unless he wants to become an artist or a musician in professional life. On one hand, music and arts are important for our personal and social life. However, it can be learned by anybody but everybody cannot become an artist or musician without inherent talent and total dedication beyond academic study. Moreover job market for arts and music is much smaller when compared with technological and science-related occupations. For instance, if a media company requires an artist, they will hire very few artists and their communication and language skills would also be judged. At the same time, lower pay rates in art-related subjects should also be considered while deciding which major a child should take in his academic life. On the other hand, mathematics is an essential subject that everyone should learn. This subject encourages children to think and improve their brain capacity and memory. Moreover, mathematics is involved and an important part of every job sector these days, including information technology, auto engineering, banking, designing, researching, construction engineering and so on. At the same time, skill in an extra language always increases the opportunity for a job seeker. For example, when a Japanese Construction Company seeks a construction expert for their project, they would definitely prefer the person who knows Japanese among other candidates. Since one of the main objectives of academic lessons is to prepare children for their future careers, mathematics and second language should always get priority. To conclude, without a doubt learning mathematics and a foreign language signifies the capabilities of children and their future. I am not against teaching school children arts and music but as long as their future career is involved, teaching mathematics and a second language should always give priority.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Correct the idiom Original: keep a person the extra mile ahead of Suggested revision: put a person a step ahead of Why it matters: The natural expression is “put someone a step ahead of” others.
- 2. Correct knowledge preposition Original: knowledge in music and arts Suggested revision: knowledge of music and the arts Why it matters: Use “knowledge of” to identify a subject area.
- 3. Add contrast comma Original: life but it is evident Suggested revision: life, but it is evident Why it matters: A comma should precede “but” when it joins two independent clauses.
- 4. Use natural education term Original: in academic life Suggested revision: in their education Why it matters: “In their education” is clearer and agrees with the plural reference to children.
- 5. Use correct modifier Original: arts Suggested revision: art Why it matters: The singular noun “art” functions naturally as the modifier here.
- 6. Match plural pronoun Original: unless he wants Suggested revision: unless they want Why it matters: The pronoun should agree with the plural noun “children”.
- 7. Clarify career meaning Original: in professional life Suggested revision: as a career Why it matters: “As a career” states the intended professional choice more directly.
- 8. Complete contrast marker Original: On one hand Suggested revision: On the one hand Why it matters: The paired contrast expression requires “the” before “one hand”.
- 9. Add comma and article Original: Moreover job market Suggested revision: Moreover, the job market Why it matters: The linking adverb needs a comma, and the specific market needs “the”.
- 10. Distinguish subjects from careers Original: lower pay rates in art-related subjects Suggested revision: lower pay in arts-related careers Why it matters: Pay applies to careers or jobs rather than academic subjects.
- 11. Correct major collocation Original: take Suggested revision: choose Why it matters: Students “choose” a major rather than “take” one.
- 12. Use inclusive reference Original: in his academic life Suggested revision: in their education Why it matters: The plural-neutral pronoun avoids shifting from the general reference to a male child.
Suggested Rewrites
- keep a person the extra mile ahead of put a person a step ahead of
- knowledge in music and arts knowledge of music and the arts
- life but it is evident life, but it is evident
- in academic life in their education
- arts art
- unless he wants unless they want
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response maintains a clear preference for mathematics and languages and offers relevant comparisons and job-based examples, which is its strongest feature. Its main limitation is presentation: the entire argument forms one paragraph, and several claims about arts and mathematics are broader than their support, while recurrent language errors make phrasing awkward. The priority is to divide the discussion into focused paragraphs and develop fewer employment claims with more precise evidence and controlled wording.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A clear position is maintained and both subject groups are discussed with relevant employment examples, although some generalizations are insufficiently qualified.
Develop fewer claims more deeply and acknowledge more precisely which careers favor each subject group before confirming the comparison.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument has a discernible progression through contrasting views, but presenting all ideas in one paragraph substantially weakens organization and referencing.
Use separate introduction, arts-and-music, mathematics-and-languages, and conclusion paragraphs with clear topic sentences.
Lexical Resource
The response uses a sufficient range of education and employment vocabulary, though recurrent awkward collocations and repetition reduce precision.
Replace unnatural phrases such as "keep a person the extra mile ahead" and "should give priority" with standard academic collocations.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex forms communicates meaning clearly overall, but errors in articles, pronoun agreement, and passive constructions recur.
Check articles and consistent plural reference to children, and use the passive form "should be given priority" accurately.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
To get a good job today, it is more important for children to study mathematics and foreign languages than art and music. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.