Some people think that success is the best measure of intelligence, while others think that intelligence can be measured in other ways more effectively. What is your opinion on this?
Sample Response
Intelligence is a multifaceted trait that can be difficult to quantify. While some individuals believe that success is the ultimate gauge of intelligence, others argue that there are more effective methods to evaluate it. In my view, intelligence can be measured through various means beyond achievement or success.
Undoubtedly, success can be an indication of intelligence, but it is not always a reliable measure. Take, for example, individuals born into affluent families, who may be able to achieve success through their wealth and connections rather than their intelligence. On the other hand, there are numerous individuals who do not have the same advantages but possess immense intelligence that is not reflected in their achievements.
Furthermore, intelligence can be measured in other ways that are more accurate and objective. For instance, an individual's cognitive abilities can be assessed through standardized tests that evaluate various aspects of intelligence, such as logical reasoning, spatial awareness, and verbal comprehension. Similarly, intelligence can be measured by analyzing an individual's problem-solving skills, creativity, and critical thinking abilities.
Moreover, intelligence can be demonstrated through individuals' ability to adapt to new situations and environments. This includes their capacity to learn from their experiences and apply their knowledge to different contexts effectively. A person's intelligence can also be reflected in their ability to empathize with others, understand their perspectives, and communicate effectively with them.
In conclusion, while success may be an indicator of intelligence, it is not the only measure. Intelligence can be measured in various ways beyond achievement, such as through standardized tests, problem-solving skills, adaptability, and interpersonal abilities.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use a precise noun Original: a multifaceted trait Suggested revision: a multifaceted capacity Why it matters: Capacity is more precise here when describing the nature of intelligence.
- 2. Prefer formal wording Original: ultimate gauge Suggested revision: primary measure Why it matters: Primary measure is more precise and suitably formal in this context.
- 3. Refine the collocation Original: methods to evaluate it Suggested revision: ways to assess it Why it matters: Assess is the more natural academic verb for evaluating intelligence.
- 4. Use natural phrasing Original: through various means Suggested revision: in various ways Why it matters: In various ways is a more natural expression of method here.
- 5. Signal the concession Original: Undoubtedly Suggested revision: Admittedly Why it matters: Admittedly more clearly signals that the paragraph concedes a limited point before qualifying it.
- 6. Choose a concise collocation Original: an indication of intelligence Suggested revision: an indicator of intelligence Why it matters: Indicator is more concise and idiomatic in this evaluative context.
- 7. Improve the collocation Original: immense intelligence Suggested revision: exceptional intelligence Why it matters: Exceptional intelligence is a more natural academic collocation.
- 8. Make the method precise Original: in other ways that are more accurate and objective Suggested revision: using more accurate and objective methods Why it matters: The revision states the method directly and avoids the vague noun ways.
- 9. Use a focused verb Original: by analyzing Suggested revision: by assessing Why it matters: Assessing more directly describes evaluating the listed abilities.
- 10. Sentence rewrite Original: This includes their capacity to learn from their experiences and apply their knowledge to different contexts effectively. Suggested revision: Such adaptability includes learning from experience and applying knowledge effectively in different contexts. Why it matters: The rewrite gives This a clear referent and places effectively beside the action it modifies.
Suggested Rewrites
- a multifaceted trait a multifaceted capacity
- ultimate gauge primary measure
- methods to evaluate it ways to assess it
- through various means in various ways
- Undoubtedly Admittedly
- an indication of intelligence an indicator of intelligence
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response is strongest in its clear, consistent position and fluent progression from questioning success to presenting several credible alternative measures of intelligence. Its main limitation is that some supporting points remain general rather than being explored through specific, convincing evidence. The highest-priority improvement is to deepen one or two alternatives with concrete examples and sharper evaluation instead of expanding the list of possible measures.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The response answers the question directly, maintains a clear position, and develops several relevant reasons for rejecting success as the sole measure of intelligence.
Develop fewer alternative measures in greater depth with concrete examples that demonstrate why they are more effective.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically through well-focused paragraphs, with cohesive devices and referencing used clearly throughout.
Make the transitions between the alternative measures less formulaic by foregrounding the conceptual relationship between them.
Lexical Resource
A wide and precise vocabulary supports nuanced discussion of intelligence, assessment, adaptability, and interpersonal ability.
Refine occasional slightly broad phrasing, such as descriptions of intelligence as immense, by choosing more exact evaluative language.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex sentence structures is handled accurately, with consistently clear punctuation and control.
Vary the grammatical framing of successive examples to make an already accurate response more stylistically flexible.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people think that success is the best measure of intelligence, while others think that intelligence can be measured in other ways more effectively. What is your opinion on this?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.