Whoever controls the media also controls opinions and attitudes of the people and there is little can be done to rectify this. To what extend do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
There are numerous companies and organization who takes control our global media system. Therefore, they are inevitably capable of influencing people thoughts and attitudes. Furthermore, the media makes up the significant part of our lives; hence, there are not many solutions to solve this problem. We are able to access the internet whenever and wherever we like on our smart phones, laptops and computers.
Large number of people use media for searching information, updating news, communicating, or even entertaining. Hence, they will definitely absorb what they are presented through the media and, consequently, the media will influence the users into believing in the them. For instances, if people watch the commercials about any product frequently, they will eventually be induced to buy that product. This how most of the media work; they are persuasive and convincible. Consequently, people’s minds absolutely are effected by receiving these things repeatedly.
Teenagers, who tends to be gullible, are usually the main target of the media. Moreover, most of them love and admire celebrities and singers around their age and takes them as there role model. Of course, the companies wants to sell their records and movie and therefore, use commercials to influence the young ones.
In addition, television-programming companies are having a right to present anything that they want to. As a results, movies on our television are sometimes abusive and cruel, which are not suitable for young children. Small kids don’t have enough justification to judge from what is right or what is wrong in the media. Consequently, they might emulate these behaviors, making them become more aggressive towards their families and friends.
In conclusion, people who have the dominate the media are also able to control people attitudes and opinions. Thfore, people should be more considerate toward the information presented to us through the media.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use plural form Original: organization Suggested revision: organizations Why it matters: The coordinated noun should be plural to match numerous.
- 2. Fix relative clause Original: who takes control Suggested revision: that control Why it matters: A plural subject requires control, and that is appropriate for organizations.
- 3. Add possessive apostrophe Original: people Suggested revision: people's Why it matters: The possessive form is required because the thoughts belong to people.
- 4. Correct article Original: the Suggested revision: a Why it matters: The phrase introduces one substantial part rather than a uniquely defined part.
- 5. Avoid redundant wording Original: solutions to solve this problem Suggested revision: ways to address this problem Why it matters: Solutions and solve repeat the same idea unnecessarily.
- 6. Choose precise adjective Original: abusive Suggested revision: violent Why it matters: Violent accurately describes harmful movie content, whereas abusive is unnatural for films.
- 7. Add article Original: Large number of people Suggested revision: A large number of people Why it matters: The fixed quantifier phrase requires the article a.
- 8. Add definite article Original: use media for Suggested revision: use the media for Why it matters: The established media system is normally referred to with the definite article.
- 9. Fix verb complements Original: searching information, updating news, communicating, or even entertaining Suggested revision: searching for information, checking news, communicating, or entertaining themselves Why it matters: The revised verbs take the required preposition or object and remain parallel gerunds.
- 10. Fix passive structure Original: absorb what they are presented through the media Suggested revision: absorb what is presented to them through the media Why it matters: Information is presented to people, so the passive construction needs a different subject and indirect object.
- 11. Remove malformed phrase Original: believing in the them Suggested revision: believing it Why it matters: The original phrase combines an unnecessary preposition, article, and pronoun.
- 12. Use fixed expression Original: instances Suggested revision: instance Why it matters: The standard linking expression uses the singular form instance.
Suggested Rewrites
- organization organizations
- who takes control that control
- people people's
- the a
- solutions to solve this problem ways to address this problem
- abusive violent
Why this response received Band 5.5
The response offers a recognizable position and several relevant examples of media influence, with a broadly understandable progression from advertising to effects on young people. Its main limitation is incomplete treatment of whether anything can be done to counter such control, compounded by frequent grammatical and word-choice errors. The priority is to develop the rectification issue directly while editing agreement, articles, possessives, and word forms sentence by sentence.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The essay explains several ways media can influence people, but it gives little developed attention to whether that influence can be rectified.
Devote a main paragraph to possible responses or their limitations and connect it explicitly to the claimed extent of agreement.
Coherence and Cohesion
Paragraphing and basic progression are evident, although linking is mechanical and some references and logical connections are unclear.
Use fewer formulaic connectors and make each paragraph’s main claim and supporting example follow a clearer logical sequence.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary is sufficient for the topic, but frequent spelling, word-form, collocation, and selection errors reduce precision.
Prioritise accurate common expressions such as ‘affected by’, ‘role model’, and ‘judge what is right’ before attempting less familiar wording.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Some sentence variety is attempted, but frequent errors in agreement, articles, plurals, possessives, and clause construction reduce accuracy.
Proofread every sentence for subject–verb agreement and noun form, then correct missing articles and possessive markers.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Whoever controls the media also controls opinions and attitudes of the people and there is little can be done to rectify this. To what extend do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.