Researches into new types of medicine and treatments are essential to improve health and deal with diseases. Who do you think should fund these researches: private companies, individuals or the government?
Sample Response
“Medicine is crucial in combating illness, and even more so when new diseases show up to threaten human health. When it comes to discovering novel cures and treatments, there is a debate of whether it should be up to private companies, individuals, or the government to provide funding. From my point of view, it would be most appropriate for private companies to fund these efforts.
There are several reasons to support the idea that private firms are best suited for financial backing of research into new medicine. A major reason to consider is that private companies are usually well-equipped with technical expertise to oversee funding. To be specific, since medical research takes a long time and results are highly unpredictable, it is necessary to be able to manage the costs and risks well, whereas the people with experience in this kind of task are most likely found in the employment of private companies. Furthermore, private firms that fund research into medicine have to prove that their finances are solid as well. Together with their networking abilities, they might even be able to attract other investors and raise funding.
In contrast, individuals and governments are significantly less suitable as parties to fund medical discoveries. Regarding individuals, because of the expenses involved in researching, it would take a large number of people to fund. This is not always practical, and while there may exist websites that let the public pool their resources for a medical research project, people can be duped into funding an organization that has no accountability. The government, meanwhile, is not a good funder either. Financial support for discovering new medicine and treatments can be impacted by corruption, mismanagement of funds, or by competition with the defence budget or infrastructure budget. As a result, research progress will stagnate.
In conclusion, I believe it is the best idea to let private enterprises financially back projects into medical research”.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Remove stray quotation mark Original: “Medicine Suggested revision: Medicine Why it matters: The essay begins with an unmatched opening quotation mark.
- 2. Use correct preposition Original: of Suggested revision: over Why it matters: The standard collocation is 'a debate over whether'.
- 3. Use precise responsibility phrase Original: up to private companies Suggested revision: the responsibility of private companies Why it matters: This wording states the allocation of responsibility more precisely.
- 4. Improve funding collocation Original: financial backing of research into new medicine Suggested revision: funding for research into new medicines Why it matters: 'Funding for research' is the more natural academic collocation.
- 5. Make phrasing direct Original: A major reason to consider Suggested revision: One major reason Why it matters: The shorter phrase introduces the reason more directly.
- 6. Refine expertise wording Original: well-equipped with technical expertise Suggested revision: equipped with the technical expertise Why it matters: The revision avoids the awkward combination of 'well-equipped' and 'expertise'.
- 7. Use concise employment phrase Original: found in the employment of private companies Suggested revision: employed by private companies Why it matters: The concise form expresses the same relationship more naturally.
- 8. Use formal financial wording Original: their finances are solid Suggested revision: their financial position is solid Why it matters: 'Financial position' is more precise in this formal context.
- 9. Use natural existential form Original: exist Suggested revision: be Why it matters: The existential construction with 'be' is more natural here.
- 10. Clarify accountability Original: organization that has no accountability Suggested revision: organization that is not accountable Why it matters: The adjective directly describes the organization's lack of accountability.
- 11. Remove unmatched quotation mark Original: research”. Suggested revision: research. Why it matters: The closing quotation mark is unmatched and should be removed.
- 12. Sentence rewrite Original: Regarding individuals, because of the expenses involved in researching, it would take a large number of people to fund. Suggested revision: Regarding individuals, because medical research is expensive, funding it would require contributions from a large number of people. Why it matters: The original sentence leaves the verb 'fund' without an object and uses an unclear introductory structure.
Suggested Rewrites
- “Medicine Medicine
- of over
- up to private companies the responsibility of private companies
- financial backing of research into new medicine funding for research into new medicines
- A major reason to consider One major reason
- well-equipped with technical expertise equipped with the technical expertise
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response is strongest in its clear position, logical organisation, and generally assured academic language. Its main limitation is that the case for private funding relies on broad claims about expertise and corruption rather than fully tested reasoning. The highest-priority improvement is to explain one or two funding mechanisms in greater depth and directly show why they outperform realistic public or mixed alternatives.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response gives a clear answer, considers all three funding options, and develops relevant reasons for preferring private companies.
Strengthen the argument by substantiating the claimed advantages of private funding and engaging with realistic benefits of government support.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically through a clear introduction, supporting case, comparison of alternatives, and conclusion.
Make the internal progression sharper by separating the distinct points about expertise, financial capacity, and investor networks.
Lexical Resource
A good range of topic-specific and academic vocabulary conveys the argument clearly despite occasional awkward collocations.
Improve precision in phrases such as funding medical discoveries and projects into medical research by choosing more natural collocations.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Varied complex structures are used with generally strong control, and the occasional awkward construction does not impede meaning.
Refine clause relationships and pronoun reference in longer sentences so that comparisons and cause-and-effect links remain fully controlled.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Researches into new types of medicine and treatments are essential to improve health and deal with diseases. Who do you think should fund these researches: private companies, individuals or the government?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.