Due to the change in women’s roles in modern society, men are now the ones suffering from sexual discrimination. How far do you agree with this statement?
Sample Response
Discrimination between the man and the woman is a burning issue to discuss. The roles of men and women have changed in the society than it was 20 years ago and this change is faster these days. With the advancement of time, now women are dominant in different roles while men are suffering the sexual disparities. I agree with the statement and the reasons behind the agreement are as followed. Earlier, before 2000, women were subject to be dominated everywhere. They had the typical roles to care for the home. But after the millennium, a sudden change took place everywhere. The majority of the women became aware of their rights, responsibilities and changed their roles. The woman who used to be escorted by family members is now free to move anywhere, runs her own business, makes deals perfectly, and leads her own life. Undoubtedly this is a positive change in their roles. But with that, a growing number of women are now denying their responsibility for their family and men are helpless in this regards. The positive changes have made women independent and are prioritised in all sectors of development, economy, education, healthcare, jobs etc. But unfortunately, they are replacing the roles of men. They are occupying the positions of men and dominating the world. As a result, now males are turning subject to sexual discrimination as the women experienced in yester decades. The hanged scenarios led males to be less prioritised in different sectors, especially the most important sector - employment. The discrimination is visible when a university decides the reserve 50% seats for the women or the local parliament have a certain percentage of seats reserved for the women. I had such a real-life experience in last month. I went for an interview with a multinational corporation against the position of Junior executive. I was surprised that the corporation decided to recruit females more in number than males in that position. We were only three male applicants competing for a single post while there were 15 women against 10 chairs of junior executives. The experience evidently testifies women are more engaged with out of home activities and the roles they played before changed greatly which now suffers men in terms to sexual discrimination.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Generalise the groups Original: between the man and the woman Suggested revision: against men and women Why it matters: The issue concerns groups generally, not one man and one woman.
- 2. Use concise academic phrase Original: a burning issue to discuss Suggested revision: a pressing issue Why it matters: “A pressing issue” conveys urgency without the redundant “to discuss.”
- 3. Remove unnecessary article Original: in the society Suggested revision: in society Why it matters: “Society” is used without an article when referring generally.
- 4. Fix comparison structure Original: than it was 20 years ago Suggested revision: compared with 20 years ago Why it matters: The plural subject “roles” cannot be compared using the singular pronoun “it.”
- 5. Use natural time phrase Original: With the advancement of time Suggested revision: Over time Why it matters: “Advancement of time” is not a natural English collocation.
- 6. Use correct discrimination phrase Original: suffering the sexual disparities Suggested revision: experiencing sex discrimination Why it matters: People experience discrimination; they do not “suffer disparities.”
- 7. Refer to viewpoint Original: reasons behind the agreement Suggested revision: reasons for my view Why it matters: The replacement refers directly and naturally to the writer's stated opinion.
- 8. Fix fixed expression Original: followed Suggested revision: follows Why it matters: The standard phrase introducing a list or explanation is “as follows.”
- 9. Fix passive construction Original: subject to be dominated Suggested revision: subject to domination Why it matters: “Subject to” should be followed by a noun or gerund, not an infinitive.
- 10. Use natural role phrase Original: typical roles to care for the home Suggested revision: traditional role of caring for the home Why it matters: The replacement uses the correct noun pattern and states the intended role clearly.
- 11. Remove unnecessary article Original: The majority of the women Suggested revision: The majority of women Why it matters: No article is needed when referring to women generally.
- 12. Use singular expression Original: regards Suggested revision: regard Why it matters: The fixed phrase is singular: “in this regard.”
Suggested Rewrites
- between the man and the woman against men and women
- a burning issue to discuss a pressing issue
- in the society in society
- than it was 20 years ago compared with 20 years ago
- With the advancement of time Over time
- suffering the sexual disparities experiencing sex discrimination
Why this response received Band 5.5
The essay gives an explicit position and supports it with examples of reserved university, parliamentary, and employment places, so the central argument remains identifiable. However, development relies heavily on broad assertions about women replacing men, the response lacks a concluding synthesis, and the long single paragraph weakens progression. The highest priority is to distinguish equal opportunity from discrimination, justify any claimed disadvantage with balanced reasoning, and end with a clear conclusion.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A clear agreement position and relevant examples address the question, but key claims are generalised, insufficiently justified, and not consolidated in a conclusion.
Explain when preferential policies would constitute unfair discrimination against men and acknowledge why such policies may exist before defending the final extent of agreement.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response moves broadly from historical change to current policies and a personal example, but single-block organisation, repetition, and the missing conclusion weaken coherence.
Use an introduction, two focused body paragraphs, and a conclusion, with one paragraph explaining policy and the other evaluating the employment example.
Lexical Resource
The essay attempts varied language about social roles and discrimination, but frequent inappropriate collocations and word-form errors make expression imprecise.
Use gender discrimination, traditionally confined to domestic roles, disadvantaged, previous decades, changing circumstances, and applicants for positions.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Meaning is usually recoverable, but frequent errors in comparison, agreement, articles, prepositions, relative clauses, and sentence construction reduce control.
Rewrite complex claims in shorter complete sentences and correct forms such as have changed since, the reasons are as follows, in this regard, and in terms of.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Due to the change in women’s roles in modern society, men are now the ones suffering from sexual discrimination. How far do you agree with this statement?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.