To what extent will migration from the developing world to the developed world become a social and political issue in the 21st century?
Sample Response
Immigration with the aim of achieving better lifestyle has become one of the most considerable discussions among developed countries, over recent decades. To clarify, this phenomenon has widely led to serious threats to hosts from a diversity of aspects which it is going to be evaluated in the following paragraphs.
As the beginning impact of immigrants, it could be stated that the host government face a variety of population difficulties. By the way of illustration, it must be supplied a widespread accommodation for the new citizens, which costs a great deal of expenses for the government.
The second problem stemming from this issue is that the immigrants from various countries have experienced different cultures, in contrast to developed countries. As a result, the cultural differences could cause minus effects on the host, especially on juveniles. These effects could contribute to decreasing the national motivation.
As the last point, undoubtedly, the immigration issue is notified as one of the countries` major commitments in terms of the human rights. Therefore, the developed nations try to maintain their positive images in international communities. This could be evaluated in order to rate the countries in United Nations from the aspect of humanitarianism.
In conclusion, the numerous challenges result from immigration of people living in developing countries, ranging from population control to the worldwide feedbacks from human right perspective. Despite these facts, many countries have still kept open their borders to immigrants.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Add article Original: achieving better lifestyle Suggested revision: achieving a better lifestyle Why it matters: The singular countable noun “lifestyle” requires an article.
- 2. Fix collocation Original: one of the most considerable discussions Suggested revision: one of the most widely discussed issues Why it matters: An issue can be widely discussed, whereas “considerable discussions” does not express the intended meaning naturally.
- 3. Remove misplaced comma Original: among developed countries, over recent decades Suggested revision: in developed countries over recent decades Why it matters: The comma wrongly separates the time phrase, and “in” is the appropriate preposition for location.
- 4. Fix opening phrase Original: As the beginning impact of immigrants Suggested revision: As an initial impact of immigration Why it matters: The revised phrase uses the correct article and refers to the process rather than the people.
- 5. Fix agreement Original: the host government face Suggested revision: host governments face Why it matters: The plural noun and verb correctly express a general claim about developed countries.
- 6. Use precise term Original: difficulties Suggested revision: pressures Why it matters: “Population pressures” is the natural phrase for challenges caused by increased population.
- 7. Fix word choice Original: minus Suggested revision: negative Why it matters: “Negative effects” is the standard expression for harmful consequences.
- 8. Clarify the referent Original: on the host Suggested revision: on the host country Why it matters: Adding “country” makes the affected entity explicit.
- 9. Use natural term Original: especially on juveniles Suggested revision: especially on young people Why it matters: “Young people” is more natural and neutral in this social context.
- 10. Fix collocation Original: decreasing the national motivation Suggested revision: reducing national morale Why it matters: “National morale” conveys the intended collective attitude more naturally than “national motivation.”
- 11. Fix verb choice Original: the immigration issue is notified as Suggested revision: immigration is regarded as Why it matters: “Regarded as” correctly introduces how an issue is viewed.
- 12. Correct apostrophe Original: countries` major commitments Suggested revision: countries' major responsibilities Why it matters: The plural possessive needs an apostrophe after “countries,” and “responsibilities” fits the context better.
Suggested Rewrites
- achieving better lifestyle achieving a better lifestyle
- one of the most considerable discussions one of the most widely discussed issues
- among developed countries, over recent decades in developed countries over recent decades
- As the beginning impact of immigrants As an initial impact of immigration
- the host government face host governments face
- difficulties pressures
Why this response received Band 5.5
The response is organised into clear topic-based paragraphs and identifies several plausible social and political pressures associated with migration. However, it only partly answers how extensive the issue will become in the twenty-first century, and its ideas remain brief and sometimes unclear because of inaccurate wording and grammar. Prioritise stating a clear degree-based position, then develop fewer consequences with concrete future-focused explanations and examples.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response identifies relevant migration pressures, but it does not clearly establish the extent of the future problem and its support is limited.
State how significant the issue will become and develop that judgment with specific twenty-first-century social and political consequences.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay follows a recognisable progression with separate topic paragraphs, although links within ideas are sometimes mechanical or unclear.
Use direct topic sentences and connect each example explicitly to the essay's central judgment about future significance.
Lexical Resource
There is some range in topic vocabulary, but frequent inaccurate collocations such as "minus effects" and "national motivation" obscure precision.
Prefer familiar, accurate combinations and check that abstract nouns express the intended social or political effect.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex structures are attempted, but recurring errors in agreement, articles, passive forms, and clause construction reduce control.
Use clearer active clauses and systematically check subject-verb agreement, articles, and prepositions during revision.
Write this task while it is fresh
Try the same task now. It helps you remember the feedback and write better next time.
IELTS Writing Task 2
To what extent will migration from the developing world to the developed world become a social and political issue in the 21st century?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.