Nowadays the way modern society is developing is being shaped by people's migration to large cities. In what ways is the migration to large cities affecting society? Has this become a positive or negative development?
Sample Response
Nowadays, urbanisation has changed people’s lifestyle thoroughly. Those living in suburbs or rural areas have gradually moved into central cities to find better opportunities, not only for a job but for accommodation, better life and advanced facilities. From my point of view, this modification has had more drawbacks to communities. To begin with, two important reasons have led individuals to select sprawling cities as the best places for living. One is that they are more to find better job positions. Clearly, the branches of many multinational companies are located in large cities than in small cities. For example, a fresh computer graduate living in a small village of the USA is rarely able to find an appropriate career in his place, while by moving and living in Los Angeles, he will be able to apply for IBM, HP, Microsoft or other international corporations. Another benefit is that they can have a better lifestyle. Obviously, urban inhabitants can have more options to inhabit, like living in skyscrapers or luxurious huge mansions which might not be found in suburb areas. The advancement of technology and modernisation are fewer in rural areas than those in the city. Finally factories, industries and other companies also attract labours and blue collar job seekers and that’s another reason many people move to large cities. This migration trend has changed the social structure and the economy of cities. The cities are expanding faster and the increasing population are also creating many issues that were rare in the past. The huge population from different ethnicity, educational status and religion has created a mixed culture in the cities. Apart from the positive aspects, this mixed culture offers, many social and environmental problems are also being created because of that. In my view, this change of living condition has had more negative consequences than having more probable advantages. One obvious disadvantage is raising the density of air pollutants in cities. Unfortunately, using more private cars in metropolitan, dwellers are faced numerous heart and lung problems. In particular, had the government of Tehran, the capital of Iran, prohibited migration of rural people there, the rate of morbidity and mortality would have dropped fundamentally since last three decades. According to medical officials’ report, just over 40000 of humans in Tehran died because of air pollution in 2014. Furthermore, traffic congestion has been deteriorated in urban areas. Admittedly, as the population grew, more private cars were to be used, leading traffic loads inflated far considerably and causing people to have more stress. However, controlling of immigration of villagers could reduce traffic jams, and citizens had less tension in their daily life. To sum up, although displacement of humans into major urban areas has had some credible benefits, its negative influences must not be forgotten. Increasing the density of air emissions and traffic congestion are the two prominent consequences that have jeopardised city dwellers’ lives because of mass immigration.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use plural noun Original: people’s lifestyle Suggested revision: people's lifestyles Why it matters: The plural possessive people refers to multiple individual lifestyles.
- 2. Add indefinite article Original: accommodation, better life and advanced facilities Suggested revision: accommodation, a better life and advanced facilities Why it matters: The singular countable noun life requires an article.
- 3. Correct the preposition Original: to Suggested revision: for Why it matters: Drawbacks for identifies the communities that experience the disadvantages.
- 4. Use infinitive phrase Original: places for living Suggested revision: places to live Why it matters: Places to live is the natural infinitive construction.
- 5. Use natural term Original: a fresh computer graduate Suggested revision: a recent computer science graduate Why it matters: Recent graduate is idiomatic, and computer science identifies the field clearly.
- 6. Correct location phrase Original: of Suggested revision: in Why it matters: In is the correct preposition for a location within a country.
- 7. Correct the preposition Original: for Suggested revision: to Why it matters: A person applies to a company but applies for a position.
- 8. Clarify housing choice Original: more options to inhabit Suggested revision: more housing options Why it matters: People inhabit places, while housing options describes available residences.
- 9. Improve adjective order Original: luxurious huge mansions Suggested revision: huge luxurious mansions Why it matters: Size normally precedes quality or description in English adjective order.
- 10. Use adjective form Original: suburb Suggested revision: suburban Why it matters: Suburban is the adjective required before areas.
- 11. Add transition comma Original: Finally factories Suggested revision: Finally, factories Why it matters: The introductory transition finally should be followed by a comma.
- 12. Use countable noun Original: labours Suggested revision: labourers Why it matters: Labour is generally uncountable, while labourers refers to individual workers.
Suggested Rewrites
- people’s lifestyle people's lifestyles
- accommodation, better life and advanced facilities accommodation, a better life and advanced facilities
- to for
- places for living places to live
- a fresh computer graduate a recent computer science graduate
- of in
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response offers a clear negative judgement and covers several social and environmental effects with relevant examples, showing a useful range of ideas and vocabulary. Its main limitation is uneven focus: substantial space explains why people migrate, while the requested societal effects receive less controlled development. The highest-priority improvement is to organise separate paragraphs around direct effects and evaluate each one with accurate, concise language.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both questions are addressed and the negative position is clear, but the discussion spends too much time on causes of migration and develops societal effects unevenly.
Focus every body paragraph on a direct effect on society and explicitly explain whether that effect supports the overall negative judgement.
Coherence and Cohesion
There is a broadly logical movement from migration motives to social change and disadvantages, but the single extended paragraph weakens organisation and some transitions are mechanical.
Divide the response into focused paragraphs for causes or context, social effects, environmental effects and evaluation, with clear topic sentences.
Lexical Resource
The response shows a reasonably broad vocabulary, but frequent inaccurate collocations and word choices reduce precision and sometimes strain expression.
Use standard combinations such as job opportunities, housing options, migrant workers, air pollution and worsening traffic congestion.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex structures are attempted and meaning remains generally clear, although agreement, articles, comparison forms and clause construction contain recurring errors.
Edit longer sentences for subject-verb agreement and complete clause patterns, then simplify structures whose accuracy cannot be maintained.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Nowadays the way modern society is developing is being shaped by people's migration to large cities. In what ways is the migration to large cities affecting society? Has this become a positive or negative development?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.