Some people think that the best way to increase road safety is to increase the minimum legal age for driving cars or riding motorbikes. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
Some argue that raising the minimum age at which individuals may legally operate a car or motorcycle is the most effective strategy to improve road safety. To some extent, while I agree that this strategy may reduce the number of traffic accidents, I believe harsher punishments are significantly more effective and are currently in place in several nations.
Admittedly, a higher legal driving age will help considerably minimize road accidents. The reality is that many vehicle accidents may be traced back to reckless driving by young people. Many of these drivers are underage and, as a result, do not yet have the maturity to fully appreciate the severity of the risks they pose when they engage in dangerous behaviours like speeding or drinking while driving. Increasing the minimum age to drive may ensure that even the youngest drivers are mature enough to drive safely, protecting themselves and others on the road.
On the other hand, I believe this strategy has limited success since many young people today still operate automobiles without proper licensing. Therefore, increasing the severity of the penalties for those who are found guilty of driving offenses is a more efficient strategy to protect the safety of roadway traffic. For instance, a person convicted of driving while under the influence of alcohol in Canada faces a possible jail term of up to five years and a ten-year driving suspension. These penalties have the ability to dissuade would-be offenders and reduce offender recidivism.
In conclusion, increasing the legal age to drive may improve road safety; however, I think stricter penalties would have a far greater impact on reducing road accidents.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Improve verb phrase Original: help considerably minimize Suggested revision: considerably reduce Why it matters: "Considerably reduce" is the more natural and concise collocation.
- 2. Use consistent term Original: vehicle Suggested revision: road Why it matters: "Road accidents" is the standard term and matches the essay's topic wording.
- 3. Use formal example marker Original: dangerous behaviours like Suggested revision: dangerous behaviours such as Why it matters: "Such as" is more suitable for introducing examples in formal writing.
- 4. Use precise noun Original: success Suggested revision: effectiveness Why it matters: "Effectiveness" directly evaluates how well the strategy works.
- 5. Use natural wording Original: operate automobiles Suggested revision: drive vehicles Why it matters: "Drive vehicles" is more natural and direct in this context.
- 6. Specify licence status Original: without proper licensing Suggested revision: without a valid licence Why it matters: The revised phrase states the legal requirement more precisely.
- 7. Use concise legal term Original: found guilty of driving offenses Suggested revision: convicted of driving offences Why it matters: "Convicted of" expresses the legal outcome more concisely.
- 8. Fix awkward phrasing Original: protect the safety of roadway traffic Suggested revision: improve road safety Why it matters: The original phrase is redundant and unidiomatic.
- 9. Use concise wording Original: faces a possible jail term Suggested revision: may face a prison sentence Why it matters: The modal construction expresses possibility without the redundant phrase "faces a possible".
- 10. Use natural term Original: suspension Suggested revision: ban Why it matters: "Driving ban" is the more natural term for a period during which driving is prohibited.
- 11. Use concise verb Original: have the ability to dissuade Suggested revision: can deter Why it matters: The concise verb phrase conveys the same meaning more directly.
- 12. Sentence rewrite Original: To some extent, while I agree that this strategy may reduce the number of traffic accidents, I believe harsher punishments are significantly more effective and are currently in place in several nations. Suggested revision: Although I agree to some extent that this strategy may reduce the number of traffic accidents, I believe harsher punishments are significantly more effective and are already in place in several nations. Why it matters: The rewrite removes the conflicting combination of "to some extent" and "while" while preserving the comparison.
Suggested Rewrites
- help considerably minimize considerably reduce
- vehicle road
- dangerous behaviours like dangerous behaviours such as
- success effectiveness
- operate automobiles drive vehicles
- without proper licensing without a valid licence
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response gives a clear, nuanced position and develops both the potential value of a higher driving age and the stronger case for tougher penalties with relevant explanation. Its main limitation is occasional awkward or imprecise phrasing, particularly where the argument shifts from unlicensed young drivers to legal-age policy. Refine those logical links and collocations to make an already well-organised argument more exact and convincing.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response fully addresses the extent question with a clear comparative position and well-developed, relevant support for both parts of its view.
Clarify how evidence about already unlicensed drivers supports the claim that raising the legal age would have limited effectiveness.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay is logically sequenced, clearly paragraphled, and uses cohesive devices effectively to develop and contrast its two main arguments.
Make the transition from illegal underage driving to the proposed penalty solution even more explicit for maximum precision.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is wide, flexible, and generally precise, with effective topic-specific choices and only occasional awkward collocations.
Refine phrases such as protect the safety of roadway traffic and has the ability to dissuade into more natural concise wording.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex structures is used accurately and flexibly, with only minor lapses that do not impede communication.
Simplify the slightly awkward opening concession and continue checking modifier placement in longer sentences.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people think that the best way to increase road safety is to increase the minimum legal age for driving cars or riding motorbikes. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.