With the development of communication technology, such as smartphones, tablets, and other mobile devices, some people think the disadvantages outweigh its advantages. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
Individuals are utilising high-tech tools such as modern mobile phones to keep in touch with others. However, some opine that this leads to more downsides than benefits. Personally, I am partly against this idea because communication technology helps maintain people’s relationships with others and makes their work more efficient, although there are times when their work and personal life cannot be balanced.
The primary reason why I do not completely concur with the opinion that people using mobile devices brings more demerits than merits is that the bond between people can be strengthened. Many people have had to migrate to other cities or counties to work and study, making it impossible for them to see their family and friends easily. A smartphone, for example, allows them to give their loved ones video calls to share their experiences regardless of time and distance.
Another point supporting my stance is that communication devices increase people’s work efficiency. For one thing, bosses can communicate with their employees, discussing emergency cases using their portable devices when they are on business trips. For another, employees can also reply to their clients’ emails in time even if they are on public transport or vacation.
However, I believe it is also reasonable that such technology may blur the boundary between people’s work and private life. Although employees’ normal working hours are from nine to five, they may need to attend business dinners and email clients after work. Therefore, they will lose a large amount of personal time that can and should be spent with their family, such as cleaning the house and looking after children.
In conclusion, I do not totally agree that the enhancement of communication technologies results in more benefits than downsides. This is because people can maintain sound relationships with others and work with higher efficiency. I admit that workers may find it difficult to balance their work and life because of using communication devices, but this can be resolved if they properly organise their job tasks.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural reporting verb Original: opine Suggested revision: argue Why it matters: This verb is more natural for presenting a debated view in this context.
- 2. Clarify partial disagreement Original: partly against this idea Suggested revision: partly disagree with this view Why it matters: This phrasing states the degree of disagreement more precisely.
- 3. Check place noun Original: counties Suggested revision: countries Why it matters: The international-distance context indicates that countries is the intended noun.
- 4. Fix call collocation Original: give their loved ones video calls Suggested revision: make video calls to their loved ones Why it matters: English uses make a video call to someone rather than give someone a video call.
- 5. Use precise work phrase Original: emergency cases Suggested revision: urgent matters Why it matters: Urgent matters is a more natural collocation for workplace issues requiring immediate discussion.
- 6. Express prompt response Original: reply to their clients’ emails in time Suggested revision: reply promptly to their clients’ emails Why it matters: Promptly expresses the intended speed more directly than the vague phrase in time.
- 7. Restore parallel prepositions Original: public transport or vacation Suggested revision: public transport or on vacation Why it matters: The second coordinated phrase also requires on to match the intended construction.
- 8. Complete adjective pattern Original: it is also reasonable that Suggested revision: it is also reasonable to argue that Why it matters: Reasonable needs an infinitive reporting phrase before the following proposition here.
- 9. Use concise time clause Original: because of using communication devices Suggested revision: when using communication devices Why it matters: A when-clause expresses the circumstance more naturally than because of followed by a gerund.
- 10. Improve task collocation Original: job Suggested revision: work Why it matters: Work tasks is the more natural collocation for duties that employees organise.
- 11. Sentence rewrite Original: The primary reason why I do not completely concur with the opinion that people using mobile devices brings more demerits than merits is that the bond between people can be strengthened. Suggested revision: The primary reason I do not completely agree that mobile devices create more disadvantages than advantages is that they can strengthen relationships between people. Why it matters: The rewrite fixes subject-verb agreement and removes the heavily nested construction while preserving the claim.
- 12. Sentence rewrite Original: Therefore, they will lose a large amount of personal time that can and should be spent with their family, such as cleaning the house and looking after children. Suggested revision: Therefore, they will lose a large amount of personal time that could be spent on family responsibilities, such as cleaning the house and looking after children. Why it matters: Family responsibilities accurately introduces the examples of housework and childcare.
Suggested Rewrites
- opine argue
- partly against this idea partly disagree with this view
- counties countries
- give their loved ones video calls make video calls to their loved ones
- emergency cases urgent matters
- reply to their clients’ emails in time reply promptly to their clients’ emails
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response is strongest when it develops two concrete benefits of mobile communication with relevant, easy-to-follow examples. Its main limitation is that the conclusion reverses the comparison stated in the introduction, making the final position less consistent despite the body’s generally clear stance. The highest priority is to state one precise degree of disagreement and preserve that same comparison from thesis through conclusion.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response addresses the question and develops relevant advantages and a disadvantage, but the final comparison conflicts with the stated position.
Rewrite the conclusion so it consistently says whether the disadvantages outweigh the advantages and to what extent.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically through focused paragraphs, and cohesive devices make the argument easy to follow.
Use slightly less formulaic signposting and make the final paragraph connect more precisely to the thesis.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is varied and generally appropriate, although several collocations such as giving video calls are unnatural.
Prioritise natural collocations, for example making video calls and replying promptly to emails.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex structures is used with good control, while occasional agreement and phrasing errors do not impede meaning.
Check subject-verb agreement in long noun phrases and revise awkward constructions such as because of using communication devices.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
With the development of communication technology, such as smartphones, tablets, and other mobile devices, some people think the disadvantages outweigh its advantages. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.