Some people argue that the government should give every unemployed person a mobile phone and should make sure they have access to the Internet. They believe this is the best way of using public money to reduce the problem of unemployment. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
Unemployment causes many problems for society. Individuals suffer not only economically, but also in terms of their self-respect and even health. Inevitably, when the breadwinner is unemployed, other family members become victims too. Young people without job prospects may turn to drugs or crime to escape boredom and poverty. For all these reasons, any measures which can reduce unemployment are to be welcomed. The first priority for the job seeker is information, and here the Internet offers a unique tool. Details of job vacancies and training schemes can be accessed within minutes on a computer screen, saving time and money that would otherwise be spent visiting employment agencies or buying newspapers. In addition, the Internet can be very useful in preparing for job interviews. Once a suitable job vacancy has been identified, it's vital to respond quickly, and in this respect, it can be argued that a mobile phone is more convenient than a conventional phone. Since calls on a mobile can be very expensive, however, costs can easily get out of hand unless they are monitored carefully. It has to be said that, like any tools, the Internet and the mobile phone are only as good as their user. Both need to be used effectively, and of course both are open to abuse. There is little point in making technology available, therefore, without providing basic training in using it. In conclusion, I believe there are strong arguments for giving unemployed people access to the Internet. However, the case for providing mobile phones is less convincing, and it may be more cost-effective in the long run to invest in relevant training programmes.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use precise wording Original: become victims too Suggested revision: are also affected Why it matters: 'Affected' states the consequence more precisely and avoids portraying family members as victims without explanation.
- 2. Use restrictive relative Original: which Suggested revision: that Why it matters: 'That' more clearly introduces the defining relative clause in this context.
- 3. Introduce generic noun Original: the Suggested revision: a Why it matters: The indefinite article is more natural for the first mention of a generic individual.
- 4. Moderate the claim Original: unique Suggested revision: valuable Why it matters: 'Valuable' expresses usefulness without the potentially unsupported claim that the tool is unique.
- 5. Avoid contraction Original: it's vital Suggested revision: it is vital Why it matters: The full form is more appropriate for a formal academic essay.
- 6. Name the comparison Original: a conventional phone Suggested revision: a landline Why it matters: 'Landline' identifies the contrasting type of telephone more precisely.
- 7. Use natural determiner Original: any Suggested revision: all Why it matters: 'All tools' fits the plural comparison more naturally here.
- 8. Fix agreement and precision Original: as good as their user Suggested revision: as effective as their users Why it matters: The plural technologies require a plural referent, and 'effective' states the intended quality precisely.
- 9. Use inclusive wording Original: when the breadwinner is unemployed Suggested revision: when a family's main earner is unemployed Why it matters: 'Main earner' conveys the intended role precisely without assuming who holds it.
- 10. Clarify recommendation Original: are to be welcomed Suggested revision: should be welcomed Why it matters: 'Should' expresses the writer's recommendation more directly.
- 11. Use concise phrasing Original: within minutes on a computer screen Suggested revision: online within minutes Why it matters: The revision states the method directly and removes an unnecessary reference to the screen.
- 12. Sentence rewrite Original: Since calls on a mobile can be very expensive, however, costs can easily get out of hand unless they are monitored carefully. Suggested revision: However, mobile phone calls can be expensive, so costs may get out of hand unless they are monitored carefully. Why it matters: The rewrite removes the conflicting causal and contrast markers and makes the result relationship clear.
Suggested Rewrites
- become victims too are also affected
- which that
- the a
- unique valuable
- it's vital it is vital
- a conventional phone a landline
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response’s strongest feature is its balanced, persuasive evaluation of Internet access, mobile phones and training, supported by precise reasoning and highly controlled language. The main limitation is presentation: nearly all substantive ideas appear in one long paragraph, so the argument’s stages are less visible than they could be. The highest priority is to divide the discussion into purposeful body paragraphs while preserving the concise, nuanced analysis.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response directly evaluates both proposed technologies, sustains a nuanced position and supports it with relevant practical reasoning.
Strengthen the policy comparison further by explicitly weighing this spending against one alternative unemployment measure.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress smoothly through benefits, limitations and a qualified conclusion, but the main discussion is presented as one long paragraph.
Separate the Internet case, the mobile-phone reservation and the training alternative into purposeful paragraphs.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is wide, precise and natural, with effective control of policy, employment and technology language.
Refine the occasional general expression by using the most exact term for the policy or cost being compared.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex sentence forms is used accurately, flexibly and with consistently clear punctuation.
Maintain this control while checking that pronoun references remain maximally clear in longer complex sentences.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people argue that the government should give every unemployed person a mobile phone and should make sure they have access to the Internet. They believe this is the best way of using public money to reduce the problem of unemployment. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.