Some people think that mobile phones should be banned in public places like libraries, shops and on public transport. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Sample Response
The omnipresence of mobile phones in daily life has certainly been noticeable, if not glaringly obvious in most situations. Some even go as far as to suggest that mobile phones should be banned in public places. I personally disagree with this statement.
Admittedly, it is not hard to see the reasoning behind this proposed ban of smartphones, which is mainly to do with a concern for preserving public atmosphere. In fact, the device’s artificial bright blue-light and nerve-racking notification alarms become so commonplace that they border on obtrusiveness in certain cases. For example, in settings that demand absence of visual and aural disturbance, such as libraries, the presence of smartphones is highly distracting for those trying to concentrate. As such, a ban on smartphones would help ensure the intended spirits and activities of such public spaces are maintained.
Given the argument above, mobile phones should not entirely be banned in public spaces. The main reason for this is that many public places, due to their inherent dynamic nature, not only are unaffected by the presence of smartphones but also necessitate the use of such devices. Specifically, on public transport, typically trains and buses, passengers opt to keep mobile phones alongside themselves in case of an emergency or accident. Likewise, in a shopping scenario, a mobile phone would certainly prove useful in the event of a robbery or a fire. Besides the aforementioned emergency situations, mobile phones offer users great convenience in public places, in the form of entertainment while waiting or as a means of transaction in lieu of actual cash.
In conclusion, though there is no denying the intrusiveness of smartphones in certain places, such as libraries, a blanket ban on smartphones in all public spaces would seem rather absurd.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Reduce Redundancy Original: has certainly been noticeable, if not glaringly obvious Suggested revision: has become increasingly noticeable Why it matters: Noticeable and glaringly obvious express the same idea, making the phrase unnecessarily repetitive.
- 2. Correct Fixed Phrase Original: as Suggested revision: so Why it matters: The established construction is go so far as to followed by a verb.
- 3. Correct Preposition Original: of Suggested revision: on Why it matters: The noun ban normally takes the preposition on when naming what is prohibited.
- 4. Clarify Expression Original: preserving public atmosphere Suggested revision: preserving the atmosphere in public spaces Why it matters: Public atmosphere is an unnatural collocation for the environment of shared places.
- 5. Match Plural Reference Original: the device’s artificial bright blue-light Suggested revision: these devices’ bright blue light Why it matters: The plural possessive matches the preceding reference to smartphones and blue light is not hyphenated here.
- 6. Use Direct Wording Original: border on obtrusiveness Suggested revision: become obtrusive Why it matters: The adjective gives the same meaning more directly and naturally.
- 7. Add Definite Article Original: demand absence of visual and aural disturbance Suggested revision: require the absence of visual and aural disturbance Why it matters: Absence needs the definite article in this specific construction.
- 8. Correct Word Choice Original: spirits Suggested revision: atmosphere Why it matters: Spirit is not appropriate in the plural for the intended character of a public space.
- 9. Correct Word Order Original: not only are unaffected Suggested revision: are not only unaffected Why it matters: The auxiliary should precede not only because the correlative phrase does not begin the clause.
- 10. Use Natural Expression Original: keep mobile phones alongside themselves Suggested revision: keep their mobile phones with them Why it matters: With them is the idiomatic way to describe carrying a personal device.
- 11. Use Concise Phrase Original: in a shopping scenario Suggested revision: while shopping Why it matters: While shopping is more direct and natural than the abstract phrase shopping scenario.
- 12. Use Payment Collocation Original: as a means of transaction in lieu of actual cash Suggested revision: as a means of payment instead of cash Why it matters: Means of payment is the correct collocation, and actual adds no useful meaning to cash.
Suggested Rewrites
- has certainly been noticeable, if not glaringly obvious has become increasingly noticeable
- as so
- of on
- preserving public atmosphere preserving the atmosphere in public spaces
- the device’s artificial bright blue-light these devices’ bright blue light
- border on obtrusiveness become obtrusive
Why this response received Band 7.5
The response advances a clear, nuanced disagreement and is especially effective in organising the concession and counterargument into a coherent line of reasoning. The main weakness is that some supporting examples, particularly the emergency scenarios, are asserted more than analysed, while several sophisticated phrases sound unnatural. The most valuable improvement would be to explain more precisely why regulated phone use is preferable to a blanket ban across the named settings.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response addresses the proposition directly, sustains a clear position, and considers both the rationale for restrictions and the case against a blanket ban.
Explain more fully how the examples demonstrate that limited regulation would be more appropriate than a complete ban.
Coherence and Cohesion
The concession, counterargument, and conclusion form a clear logical progression, and cohesion is controlled throughout.
Strengthen the link between the emergency examples and the broader claim about unrestricted phone use.
Lexical Resource
The response shows considerable lexical range, but awkward collocations such as preserving public atmosphere and intended spirits reduce precision.
Prefer natural, specific phrasing over elaborate expressions whose collocations are uncertain.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex sentences and embedded clauses are used flexibly, with only occasional awkwardness in word order and parallel structure.
Review parallel constructions, particularly patterns using not only and but also, to keep clause structure balanced.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people think that mobile phones should be banned in public places like libraries, shops and on public transport. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.