Some people say that mobile phones should not be allowed in public places, others argue that people should be free to use their mobiles wherever they like. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Sample Response
Different people have different opinions about the usage of one of the most commonly used fidgeting gadgets -mobile phones in public places. While I believe that the rule of restricting its usage could be beneficial to a certain extent, I also put forth that it would create some negative consequences to the regular users and in people's emergencies as this rule would become a scrutiny.
There are several arguments to support this restriction: First, had the mobile phones been let free in public places like libraries, there would be a higher probability for the other people to get distracted. This distraction could completely spoil the reading environment for which they are meant for. Secondly, if there is a ban on the usage of mobile phones in railway stations, is there a possibility for the work to progress without any disruption or stagnation. Take for an instance, passengers who are supposed to buy tickets or the issuing authorities have a conversation over their mobile phones while they are supposed to do their duties, there happens a delay in the workflow for no important reason. Though the ban imposed could bring benefits, it is the need of the hour to analyse the drawbacks of it.
People who oppose the restriction of this rule state that a few negative sides are in the limelight. According to their view, the more they use the mobile phones, the more they will be connected with their circle- be it their family, colleagues or friends. Due to the restriction placed on, they might not find time to catch up with their dear ones’ and this would be more appropriate for the commuters who use mobile phones while commuting. Besides this, in cases of emergencies wherein a person has to pick up the call in public places, this rule would be an obstruction. As a result, the information which has to be conveyed to them could be delayed and this may make a great difference in their lives.
By and large, the restriction of mobile phones in public places has its own fair share of advantages and disadvantages. Therefore, in my opinion, wherever we use a mobile phone, we should make sure that no person or work is disturbed because of our cell phone usage. It is also suggested that every person should think by instinct and use mobile phones as and when it is required.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use concise noun Original: usage of Suggested revision: use of Why it matters: “Use” is the more natural noun in this context.
- 2. Correct device description Original: fidgeting gadgets Suggested revision: personal devices Why it matters: “Fidgeting” describes restless movement and does not appropriately classify mobile phones.
- 3. Fix dash spacing Original: -mobile phones Suggested revision: —mobile phones Why it matters: An em dash correctly introduces the explanatory noun phrase without the missing space after a hyphen.
- 4. Match plural reference Original: restricting its usage Suggested revision: restricting their use Why it matters: The pronoun should agree with the plural noun “mobile phones.”
- 5. Use direct reporting verb Original: put forth Suggested revision: argue Why it matters: “Argue” states the writer’s contrasting view more directly and naturally.
- 6. Correct preposition Original: negative consequences to Suggested revision: negative consequences for Why it matters: The standard collocation is “consequences for” the people affected.
- 7. Use natural phrase Original: in people's emergencies Suggested revision: during emergencies Why it matters: The revision expresses the time and situation clearly without an awkward possessive.
- 8. Correct word choice Original: a scrutiny Suggested revision: overly restrictive Why it matters: “Scrutiny” means close examination and cannot describe the restrictive effect intended here.
- 9. Repair conditional clause Original: had the mobile phones been let free Suggested revision: if mobile phones were used freely Why it matters: The revision forms a clear hypothetical condition and removes the unnatural passive phrase.
- 10. Remove unnecessary article Original: the other people Suggested revision: other people Why it matters: The general plural noun phrase does not need the definite article.
- 11. Remove double preposition Original: for which they are meant for Suggested revision: that libraries are intended to provide Why it matters: The original repeats “for” and leaves the pronoun “they” without a clear reference.
- 12. Use correct construction Original: there happens a delay Suggested revision: a delay occurs Why it matters: The original existential construction is ungrammatical with “happens.”
Suggested Rewrites
- usage of use of
- fidgeting gadgets personal devices
- -mobile phones —mobile phones
- restricting its usage restricting their use
- put forth argue
- negative consequences to negative consequences for
Why this response received Band 6.5
The essay addresses both sides with relevant examples and arrives at a sensible, qualified opinion favouring considerate use rather than a blanket ban. Its main weakness is the frequency of awkward or inaccurate expressions and sentence constructions, which sometimes blur otherwise logical points. The highest priority is to express each argument in plainer, more idiomatic language and edit sentence boundaries, articles, and clause structures for consistent clarity.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
Both views are addressed with relevant reasons and examples, and the writer gives a clear, qualified personal position.
Make the opinion explicit from the outset and explain more precisely how selective restrictions would work in different public settings.
Coherence and Cohesion
Clear paragraphing and an overall logical sequence support progression, although linking is sometimes mechanical or awkward.
Use smoother topic sentences and internal transitions instead of relying heavily on formulaic markers such as firstly and secondly.
Lexical Resource
The response has sufficient range for the topic, but frequent collocational and word-choice errors reduce naturalness and precision.
Replace strained phrases with idiomatic alternatives and check the exact meaning and grammatical pattern of less common words.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The writer attempts varied and complex sentences, but recurring errors in articles, agreement, punctuation, and clause construction remain noticeable.
Break overloaded sentences into controlled units and proofread each clause for a clear subject, finite verb, and correct article use.
Use this task for your next draft
Feedback is more useful when you actively apply it in a draft, rather than only recognising improvements on the page.
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.
The question will be loaded automatically.