Modern lifestyle is completely different from the way people lived in the past. Some people think that the changes have been very positive while some others believe they have negative. Which point of view do you agree with? Why?
Sample Response
People's lifestyle is changing tremendously in each year. People shape their life pattern with regard to the emerging trends of the society. Some people uphold it as a positive trend, while others have reservations about it. In my opinion, modern lifestyle poses more disadvantages than advantages.
On the one hand, there are some merits due to the advent of a new style of life. Firstly, in today’s life people accept the life pattern which is convenient. Since there are troves of resources or choices to adapt, they absorb the most suitable version so they feel more comfortable. Moreover, the modern lifestyle has several facilities which reduce physical workload and make their duty easier. As a result, the community adopts these technologies to assist them in their daily chores. In addition to it, it is very time saving. Nowadays ‘time became money’, hence the society feels these changes as a blessing to survive in this competitive world.
On the other hand, there are several arguments to encounter its merits. Firstly, changes in lifestyle have pernicious influences on our health. To make it clear, new food habits like fast foods, persevered foods, soft drinks etc are the primary cause of deadly diseases like cancer. Also, sedentary lifestyle and lack of physical activity leads to obesity and ends up in diseases like diabetes mellitus, hypertension etc. In addition, round the clock use of modern devices like mobile phones, computers internets etc affect the human body due to radiations. Another important factor is that there is reduced interaction and communication in the family compared to the past. Since both parents are working with different shift hours, they did not get time to meet each other, and no time to talk with children. Thus they lead a machinery life rather than family life. In fact, we can say that parents are failures to mould a child especially the personality and overall development. In addition, new generations lack our values, customs, cultures etc due to the introduction of other modern styles. Thus, they adopt other customs or values which are convenient without considering its drawbacks.
To sum up, it is proved beyond doubt that new style of life pattern has more negative impact than positive change. We should use our prudence and discernment while adopting any changes in our life pattern and not be swayed by its vast benefits.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Remove extra preposition Original: in each year Suggested revision: each year Why it matters: The time expression “each year” does not take “in” here.
- 2. Use natural collocation Original: trends of the society Suggested revision: trends in society Why it matters: “Trends in society” is the more natural collocation for social developments.
- 3. Choose accurate verb Original: uphold Suggested revision: regard Why it matters: “Uphold” does not naturally mean considering a development to be positive.
- 4. Use concise phrasing Original: in today’s life Suggested revision: today Why it matters: “Today” expresses the time reference more naturally and concisely.
- 5. Name the concept clearly Original: several facilities Suggested revision: various technologies Why it matters: “Technologies” matches the devices and innovations discussed in the surrounding sentences.
- 6. Correct number and collocation Original: duty Suggested revision: duties Why it matters: The plural “duties” is needed for the general activities performed by many people.
- 7. Fix linking phrase Original: In addition to it Suggested revision: In addition Why it matters: “In addition” is the appropriate additive linker without a following noun phrase.
- 8. Use standard expression Original: very time saving Suggested revision: a great time-saver Why it matters: The proposed noun phrase is the natural form after “it is”.
- 9. Correct tense in saying Original: became Suggested revision: is Why it matters: This established general saying requires the present tense.
- 10. Clarify contrast Original: arguments to encounter its merits Suggested revision: drawbacks that counter these merits Why it matters: The original verb and noun combination does not clearly express the intended contrast.
- 11. Correct word choice Original: persevered Suggested revision: preserved Why it matters: “Preserved” refers to food treated for longer storage, whereas “persevered” has a different meaning.
- 12. Add missing article Original: sedentary lifestyle Suggested revision: a sedentary lifestyle Why it matters: A singular countable noun used generally here needs the article “a”.
Suggested Rewrites
- in each year each year
- trends of the society trends in society
- uphold regard
- in today’s life today
- several facilities various technologies
- duty duties
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response presents a clear position and develops a substantial case about the health, family, and cultural effects of modern lifestyles, while also acknowledging their conveniences. Its main limitation is that several assertions are sweeping or imprecisely expressed; the highest-priority improvement is to support the central negative claims with more specific, credible examples and clearer cause-and-effect explanation.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
A clear position is maintained, and both benefits and drawbacks are addressed with the negative case developed in several relevant areas.
Support the broad claims about disease, radiation, and cultural decline with more specific examples and fuller causal explanation.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response progresses logically through an introduction, contrasting body sections, and a consistent conclusion, though some linking is repetitive or awkward.
Use more precise internal transitions to show how each supporting point advances the argument instead of repeatedly adding loosely connected ideas.
Lexical Resource
There is a reasonably wide vocabulary for discussing social and health effects, but inaccurate collocations and word choices occur regularly.
Prioritise natural collocations and exact word forms, especially in phrases such as preserved food, arguments against, and mechanical life.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex structures communicates the argument clearly, but recurring article, agreement, tense, plural, and punctuation errors reduce control.
Edit each sentence for subject-verb agreement, article use, and consistent tense, particularly when making general statements.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Modern lifestyle is completely different from the way people lived in the past. Some people think that the changes have been very positive while some others believe they have negative. Which point of view do you agree with? Why?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.