Many people believe that modern music can have a negative impact on the young. Others believe the effect of modern music is positive. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.
Sample Response
Music has changed dramatically over the years and new types of music are constantly appearing. Many people feel that current popular styles, such as rap, are just noise and cannot be considered real music, unlike older styles, such as rock and jazz. Firstly, many people, especially those from older generations, feel that modern types of music can be more harmful than positive. They will say modern music is too simplistic and the song lyrics are potentially dangerous. They feel that rap and hip-hop often deal with dangerous issues such as gang violence or express antisocial views. It is a common opinion that this can be damaging for young people who listen to these songs. On the other hand, it is important that people are able to listen to the types of music that they prefer; you cannot control people’s tastes or opinions. For young people especially, popular music is an important aspect of identity, sharing an interest in music with their peers brings a sense of stability and belonging. These young people would argue that the lyrics to these songs reflect the modern reality and it is an important way of expressing their experiences. In conclusion, people will always prefer a certain type of music. People will always be unsure of new things, which they may not understand, and this can be the case with music. However, we cannot stop change and we should not try to, instead, we should encourage new styles of music as all music adds to the wealth of our culture.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use precise music term Original: styles Suggested revision: genres Why it matters: Genre is a more precise term for categories such as rap, rock, and jazz.
- 2. Improve comparison Original: positive Suggested revision: beneficial Why it matters: Beneficial provides the correct semantic contrast with harmful.
- 3. Use academic reporting Original: They will say Suggested revision: They argue that Why it matters: The revision reports the opposing view in a more formal and direct way.
- 4. Choose accurate adjective Original: the song lyrics are potentially dangerous Suggested revision: song lyrics may be harmful Why it matters: Harmful expresses a possible negative effect more accurately than dangerous.
- 5. Refine verb choice Original: deal with dangerous issues Suggested revision: address disturbing issues Why it matters: The revised collocation describes controversial subject matter more naturally.
- 6. Use concise framing Original: It is a common opinion Suggested revision: A common concern is Why it matters: This phrasing introduces the perceived harm more directly.
- 7. Correct collocation Original: damaging for young people Suggested revision: harmful to young people Why it matters: Harmful to is the more natural collocation in this context.
- 8. Remove redundancy Original: the types of music that they prefer Suggested revision: the music they prefer Why it matters: The shorter phrase preserves the meaning without unnecessary wording.
- 9. Remove unnecessary article Original: reflect the modern reality Suggested revision: reflect modern reality Why it matters: Reality is used generally here, so the definite article is unnecessary.
- 10. Use defining clause Original: new things, which they may not understand Suggested revision: new things that they may not understand Why it matters: The clause identifies the particular new things being discussed and should be restrictive.
- 11. Sentence rewrite Original: For young people especially, popular music is an important aspect of identity, sharing an interest in music with their peers brings a sense of stability and belonging. Suggested revision: For young people especially, popular music is an important aspect of identity, and sharing an interest in it with their peers brings a sense of stability and belonging. Why it matters: Adding a coordinator corrects the comma splice while preserving the relationship between the two ideas.
- 12. Sentence rewrite Original: However, we cannot stop change and we should not try to, instead, we should encourage new styles of music as all music adds to the wealth of our culture. Suggested revision: However, we cannot stop change and should not try to; instead, we should encourage new styles of music because all music enriches our culture. Why it matters: The semicolon correctly joins the independent clauses and removes the run-on structure.
Suggested Rewrites
- styles genres
- positive beneficial
- They will say They argue that
- the song lyrics are potentially dangerous song lyrics may be harmful
- deal with dangerous issues address disturbing issues
- It is a common opinion A common concern is
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response discusses both perspectives clearly and reaches a definite, relevant opinion, while its vocabulary and sentence structures communicate the ideas with considerable flexibility. The main limitation is presentation: the entire argument forms one block, and a few comma splices weaken control. The highest-priority improvement is to organise the negative view, positive view, and opinion into separate paragraphs with cleaner sentence boundaries.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both views are addressed with relevant explanations, and the conclusion gives a clear opinion in favour of accepting and encouraging new musical styles.
Develop the positive impact more concretely by showing how identity, belonging, or self-expression benefits young listeners in practice.
Coherence and Cohesion
The discussion follows a clear sequence from the negative view to the positive view and conclusion, but the lack of paragraph breaks reduces structural clarity.
Give each viewpoint its own body paragraph and keep the final opinion in a distinct conclusion to make the progression immediately visible.
Lexical Resource
The response uses a sufficiently varied and topic-appropriate vocabulary to discuss musical genres, social identity, harmful content, and cultural value.
Reduce repetition of broad words such as “people” and “music” by using precise references to listeners, genres, lyrics, and cultural expression.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response demonstrates a good range of complex forms, and most sentences are accurate despite several punctuation and sentence-boundary lapses.
Correct comma splices by separating independent clauses or linking them with suitable conjunctions, especially in the discussion of identity and the conclusion.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Many people believe that modern music can have a negative impact on the young. Others believe the effect of modern music is positive. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.