Modern lifestyles mean that many parents have little time for their children. Many children do not get as much attention from their parents as children did in the past. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
With the passage of time, there have been tremendous changes in the behaviour and consequently the lifestyles of people, especially young working couplesthe young and working couples. Another factor thatYet another factor which has acted as a catalystplayed the role of a catalyst is people's materialistic desiresthe ‘materialistic need’ of the human in the ever-changing way of lifeever-changing pattern of living in the modern times. Due to such unrealistic expectations from the life, the parents have started devoting much of their time towards satisfying their materialistic needs at the cost of the ‘precious gift’ that they have been blessed with, by the Almighty, their children.
Children, for their parents, are dearer than fine opals, more precious than emeraldsEmeralds! However, due to the dissatisfaction in parents' livesdiscontentment in the life of parents, it is children's innocent childhood thatthe innocent childhood which has to pay a heavy price.
In the yesteryears, even though the means of livelihood were limited but the quality time spent with children was enough to boost confidence amongst them and make the children a successful and a matured individual. However, in the modern times, though there has been a manifold increase in the means of livelihood, but the price at which such an increase is achieved is negatively skewed. It is the children who are devoid of the, much needed, attention which they deservetruly and rightly deserve.
In a recent interview published in the local tabloid, the renowned choreographers of the famous band, OPEXA, shared their experiencedid share their own experience wherein they blamed themselves as parentsthemselves (husband and wife) for the inadequateunhealthy upbringing of their children, which ultimately led to them becomingtheir children which ultimately led to their children becoming victims of drug abuse. In the end, I agree that though there is athe need to adapt to modern lifestylesadapt according to the modern lifestyles and requirements but this adaptation must not be achievedbut the same must not be achieved at the cost of innocence, love, warmth and tenderness of one’s children.
Childhood, after allThe childhood, after all, is as sacred as the temple, as holy as the bible and hence should be re-lived, re-enjoyed by the parents of the children.
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response sustains a relevant agreement and shows ambitious vocabulary, with a concrete example that reinforces its central concern about reduced parental attention. Its main limitation is that the position emerges explicitly only near the end and much of the discussion relies on rhetorical generalisations rather than precise development; the priority is to state the extent of agreement early and build each reason through clearer cause-and-effect explanation.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response addresses the question with a consistent implied agreement and relevant support, although its extent and reasoning are not developed with enough precision.
State the degree of agreement in the introduction and develop two distinct reasons with specific explanation rather than broad moral claims.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument follows a broadly logical path, but uneven paragraph functions and some awkward linking weaken the progression.
Give each body paragraph one clear controlling idea and use cohesive devices only where the relationship between sentences is exact.
Lexical Resource
There is a good range of ambitious vocabulary and imagery, alongside recurring awkward or imprecise collocations that reduce naturalness.
Prefer precise, idiomatic phrasing such as material aspirations and reduced parental attention over ornate expressions whose meaning is less controlled.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of complex structures communicates the message clearly, but recurring article, agreement, punctuation, and double-conjunction errors limit accuracy.
Edit complex sentences for article use and remove paired constructions such as although or even though followed by but.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Modern lifestyles mean that many parents have little time for their children. Many children do not get as much attention from their parents as children did in the past. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.