Having more money and less free time is better than earning less money and having more free time. Discuss both views and state your opinion
Sample Response
In this contemporary world, it is undoubtedly true that it is better to possess more money and limited vacant time. Some people concur that having more spare time and earning less money. However, I quibble with them and propound that money and time both have a significant role in one’s life.
Adequate pieces of evidence are obtainable to substantiate the concept of having more money and less free time. The top-notch concrete reason is it not only buys the luxuries of life but helps you to lead a happy and smooth experience. You can buy any comfort in the world to soothe your life. You can fulfill all the dreams of yours as well as your family’s. The age between 25-50 is the right age to achieve your life goals and save as much money as you can to utilize it at a later age. Another rationale that hauls me to the patron is seeing your family happy, enjoying all the comforts of life. It gives you relaxation on your part that your devotion is worthwhile. Exempting family on behalf of earning money is not getting wasted. What is half full to some may appear half empty to others. In general, the public tends to distinguish that more free time and fewer earnings are better, which has multifarious reasons.
To commence with, some people deem that money cannot buy happiness. Moreover, your place cannot be compensated by cash in your dear one’s life. Where you can stand by your family, money cannot act as your substitute. Materialistic things can give you a luxurious life, but they cannot share your sorrows. For that, you need to have a person beside you to listen to you or advise you to move ahead without any hindrance so that you may not get stumble in life. For instance, on the birthday of a 5-year-old daughter, a real gift can be her father along with her to make it more special, not any luxury item. Withal they also upload that while running a rat race, people often ignore their essential meals of the day, which may have detrimental effects on their health. It is rightly said that “health is wealth” if you are not fit enough to do the job, you cannot run a long way. You should be strong enough to do the workload. Physical weaknesses can become a hindrance in your way. Consequently, you cannot gain the aim of your life.
In recapitulation, I reiterate that innumerable factors support that alone money or alone time cannot bring fame or happiness in one’s life. There should be a balance of both to live a happy life.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural verb Original: possess Suggested revision: have Why it matters: 'Have' is more natural than 'possess' when referring generally to money.
- 2. Use task wording Original: limited vacant time Suggested revision: less free time Why it matters: 'Vacant time' is not an idiomatic expression for personal leisure time.
- 3. State disagreement clearly Original: quibble with them Suggested revision: disagree with this view Why it matters: 'Quibble' suggests arguing over a minor detail and misrepresents the intended disagreement.
- 4. Prefer natural reporting Original: propound Suggested revision: argue Why it matters: 'Argue that' is a clearer and more natural way to introduce this position.
- 5. Fix word combination Original: soothe your life Suggested revision: make your life more comfortable Why it matters: The verb 'soothe' does not naturally take 'life' as its object in this context.
- 6. Use natural possessive Original: all the dreams of yours Suggested revision: all your dreams Why it matters: The possessive determiner creates a more direct and idiomatic noun phrase.
- 7. Express age range Original: The age between 25-50 Suggested revision: The period from ages 25 to 50 Why it matters: A range of years is expressed with 'from ... to', not 'between' followed by a hyphen.
- 8. Use idiomatic timing Original: at a later age Suggested revision: later in life Why it matters: 'Later in life' is the natural expression for a future stage of one's lifetime.
- 9. Replace unclear phrase Original: hauls me to the patron Suggested revision: supports this view Why it matters: The original phrase is not meaningful in this argumentative context.
- 10. Use precise expression Original: relaxation on your part Suggested revision: peace of mind Why it matters: 'Peace of mind' clearly conveys reassurance from knowing one's family is comfortable.
- 11. Choose accurate noun Original: devotion Suggested revision: effort Why it matters: 'Effort' refers more precisely to the work undertaken to support the family.
- 12. Correct reporting verb Original: distinguish Suggested revision: believe Why it matters: 'Distinguish' cannot introduce a belief in this grammatical pattern.
Suggested Rewrites
- possess have
- limited vacant time less free time
- quibble with them disagree with this view
- propound argue
- soothe your life make your life more comfortable
- all the dreams of yours all your dreams
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response addresses both viewpoints with substantial explanation and a relevant family example, and its final preference for balance is understandable. However, the position shifts between favoring higher earnings and advocating balance, while several ideas are repetitive or expressed through strained vocabulary and inaccurate sentences. State one consistent opinion from the introduction onward, organize each paragraph around fewer claims, and use more natural, controlled wording.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both views are discussed with relevant support, but the writer’s opinion is inconsistent between the introduction and conclusion and some reasoning is repetitive or unclear.
State a single position at the outset and evaluate each view in direct relation to that position before reaffirming it in the conclusion.
Coherence and Cohesion
The overall two-view structure is clear, but long body paragraphs contain abrupt shifts, repetition, and mechanical linking that weaken progression.
Give each paragraph a focused controlling idea and remove loosely connected sentences so every example clearly advances that idea.
Lexical Resource
The response shows a broad vocabulary, but frequent misuse of ambitious words and collocations, such as “limited vacant time” and “hauls me to the patron,” reduces precision.
Prioritize accurate, natural vocabulary over ornate substitutions and verify the meaning and collocation of less familiar words before using them.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
There is a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, but fragments, faulty clause structures, verb-form errors, and punctuation problems occur regularly.
Build complete sentences around clear subjects and finite verbs, then check subordinate clauses and verb complements for grammatical completeness.
Write this task while it is fresh
Try the same task now. It helps you remember the feedback and write better next time.
IELTS Writing Task 2
Having more money and less free time is better than earning less money and having more free time. Discuss both views and state your opinion
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.