Some people believe that money is the most important factor for achieving happiness. However, others believe that happiness has nothing to do with money. Do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
We live in a world that is marked by sorrowsurrounded by sorrows, suffering, grief and happiness. We often try to make our souls happy through spiritual deeds and material possessionsmaterialistic things. Few individuals of a society believe that money is vital in bringing happiness to life; other thinks that money is not associated with monetary funds. I personally believe that money is not everything but does play some rolethat not all, but money does play some role in bringing happiness.
OnOne the one hand, people devote their lives to earningcommit their lives in earning a huge sum of money because they consider that money and happiness goconsider money and happiness go hand in hand and for them, life without money will be miserable and one cannot enjoy life to the fullest extentone cannot enjoy to the fullest extent. For instance, people who find happiness in travelling to different placestravelling different places, wearing branded clothes, purchasing the latest expensive gadgetsexpensive and latest gadgets or dining at expensive restaurantshaving expensive dining would not be able to enjoy those activities without moneyenjoy those without money. Another example is of parents, whose child is severely sick and needs expensive medication or treatment abroad, with wealth, parents can buy happiness for their child. For them, happiness and financial resourcesmerriment and capital funds are closely related to each other and one cannot imagine livingimage to live without it.
On the other hand, there are several plausible arguments suggestingarguments which say that money has no relation to happinesshas not relation with cheeriness. People believe that money cannot remove their sorrows and sufferings. For instance, a mother who has lost her child in war, money is of no value because her grievance and tears cannot be wiped through financial aid and to make her glee. Soothing words and sympathy can calm her down and bring some comfortelation.
To conclude, the above provide solid arguments in favour of both views. I personally believe that money gives many benefitsmoney give lots of benefit to people in terms of their status and lifestyle but one should not regardequate money as the vital factor in bringing happiness.
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response maintains a clear, qualified position that money can enable some forms of happiness but is not the most important factor, and both sides are supported with concrete situations. Its main limitation is that the non-financial argument is narrower and several forced synonyms obscure otherwise relevant ideas. The highest-priority improvement is to develop a broader source of lasting happiness and express it in natural, precise language.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The essay gives a consistent nuanced answer and relevant examples for both perspectives, though the non-material side receives less varied development.
Add a second distinct non-financial source of happiness, such as relationships or purpose, and explain why money cannot replace it.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response follows a clear two-sided structure with effective paragraphing, but some long sentences and loosely joined examples interrupt the flow.
Give each example a separate, complete explanation and use pronouns with unmistakable references to money, people, or happiness.
Lexical Resource
The writer attempts a broad range of vocabulary, but frequent inaccurate or forced choices such as monetary funds, cheeriness, grievance, and glee reduce precision.
Prefer natural terms such as wealth, happiness, grief, comfort, and financial support instead of substituting uncommon near-synonyms.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mixture of sentence types conveys the main position, but frequent errors in agreement, articles, prepositions, clause boundaries, and verb patterns affect accuracy.
Break run-on examples into complete sentences and proofread every subject-verb pair, especially other people think and money gives benefits.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people believe that money is the most important factor for achieving happiness. However, others believe that happiness has nothing to do with money. Do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.