Only people who earn a lot of money are successful.
Sample Response
I think that the question whether money is the main indicator of people's success is a controversial one. Some people believe that only one who earns a lot of money is successful. However, other people think one who does not earn a lot of money can be successful too. For several reasons, which I will list bellow, I agree with those people who think that money is an indicator of success. First of all, if a person earns a lot of money it means he or she has unique knowledge and experience and people want to pay for these. For example, a good lawyer is often paid a very high salary, because he or she has won many cases and people are ready to pay big money for his knowledge. A second example is that a salary of a surgeon simplicity depends on his experience and knowledge and on how many surgeries he has completed successfully. In this case surgeon's salary simplicity depends on surgeon's success. Secondly, a high salary is an indicator of a prosperous career and profession. People change their jobs, move from one place to another looking for a more interesting and better-paid job. Of cause, some people do not care about salary as long as they like their job, but from my everyday experience and observation, I can state that the majority of people who are not satisfied with their revenue would exchange their current job for another one with a higher salary. Finally, money plays, maybe, unfortunately, an essential role in our modern life. So, people who earn a lot of money by working hard are considered to be successful. Maybe it sounds a little mercenary but I think that success must be encouraged financially otherwise it is not a success.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Add linking preposition Original: the question whether Suggested revision: the question of whether Why it matters: Adding 'of' creates the conventional noun-complement construction.
- 2. Use person reference Original: one Suggested revision: someone Why it matters: 'Someone who' is the natural expression for an unspecified person.
- 3. Complete reported clause Original: other people think one who Suggested revision: other people think that someone who Why it matters: The clause needs 'that', and 'someone' is the natural indefinite reference.
- 4. Correct spelling Original: bellow Suggested revision: below Why it matters: 'Below' is the correct spelling for the adverb meaning later in the text.
- 5. Separate conditional clause Original: money it means Suggested revision: money, it means Why it matters: A comma is required after the initial conditional clause.
- 6. Fix pronoun reference Original: these Suggested revision: them Why it matters: The pronoun must refer to the people possessing the knowledge and experience, not to the qualities themselves.
- 7. Remove incorrect comma Original: salary, because Suggested revision: salary because Why it matters: A comma should not separate the main clause from this essential reason clause.
- 8. Use formal expression Original: pay big money Suggested revision: pay a great deal Why it matters: The replacement conveys a large payment in a more formal register.
- 9. Keep pronouns consistent Original: for his knowledge Suggested revision: for their expertise Why it matters: A gender-neutral pronoun maintains consistency with the earlier 'he or she' reference.
- 10. Use possessive noun Original: a salary of a surgeon Suggested revision: a surgeon's salary Why it matters: The possessive form is the natural way to express whose salary is meant.
- 11. Correct adverb and pronoun Original: simplicity depends on his Suggested revision: simply depends on their Why it matters: 'Simply' is the required adverb, and 'their' maintains gender-neutral reference.
- 12. Correct adverb use Original: surgeon's salary simplicity depends Suggested revision: the surgeon's salary simply depends Why it matters: The sentence needs the adverb 'simply' and a definite article for this specific surgeon.
Suggested Rewrites
- the question whether the question of whether
- one someone
- other people think one who other people think that someone who
- bellow below
- money it means money, it means
- these them
Why this response received Band 6.0
The position is clear throughout, and the examples of lawyers and surgeons give the argument a concrete basis. The discussion is nevertheless repetitive and sometimes circular, since high income is repeatedly treated as proof of success without sufficiently examining the claim's exclusivity or alternative forms of achievement. The strongest improvement would be to develop distinct reasons, address a meaningful counterexample, and organise them into clearly separated paragraphs.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response maintains a relevant position and supplies examples, but its reasons overlap and do not fully test the claim that only high earners are successful.
Develop separate measures of success and directly explain why non-financial achievement does or does not challenge the stated position.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress through a clear sequence of reasons, but the response is presented as one block and relies heavily on formulaic signposting.
Use distinct introduction, body, and conclusion paragraphs, with each body paragraph centred on one non-repetitive reason.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is sufficiently varied for the topic, though several spelling and word-choice errors create awkward phrases and occasional imprecision.
Proofread commonly confused forms and replace inaccurate choices such as revenue in personal-salary contexts with more exact wording.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses both simple and complex structures with generally clear meaning, despite recurring errors in articles, punctuation, and sentence construction.
Review article use around professions and possessives, and punctuate longer clauses so their relationships remain unambiguous.
Write this task while it is fresh
Try the same task now. It helps you remember the feedback and write better next time.
IELTS Writing Task 2
Only people who earn a lot of money are successful.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.