Some people think it is better to make more money rather than have free time, while others prefer to have more free time rather than making money. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Sample Response
In modern-day society, time and money are two essential commodities that people strive for. Oftentimes, we find ourselves caught in a dilemma between working hard to make more money and spending time doing the things we love. Some individuals argue that making more money is better than having free time, whereas others value free time more than money. Personally, at this stage in life achieving a financially sound position is more important to me than leisure.
People who believe that making more money is better than having free time argue that money brings freedom, security, and opportunities. In today’s world, everything from basic necessities to luxuries requires cash. Those who don’t have enough money cannot purchase the things they need. Financial stability also brings a sense of security, which can be liberating. Moreover, having more money opens up new opportunities for higher education, career advancements, and travel experiences.
On the other hand, people who prioritise free time over money argue that wealth doesn’t equal happiness. Numerous studies have shown that individuals who have more free time tend to enjoy better mental and emotional well-being. Free time provides an opportunity to engage in recreational activities, hobbies, and enjoy the company of our loved ones. Just as importantly, free time allows individuals to engage in self-care activities like meditation or exercise, which can lead to an uplift in mental and physical health.
While both sides have valid points, it is essential to note that a balance between work and leisure is crucial. Working excessively to accumulate wealth can have adverse effects on both physical and mental health. Therefore, the debate between having more money or free time is a subjective matter that varies from person to person. It is crucial for individuals to evaluate their priorities, ambitions, and limitations and come up with a personalised balance that fits their lifestyle.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use concise wording Original: modern-day society Suggested revision: contemporary society Why it matters: The replacement is more concise and natural in an academic introduction.
- 2. Choose a natural collocation Original: commodities that people strive for Suggested revision: resources that people value Why it matters: People usually value time and money rather than “strive for” them as commodities.
- 3. Mark the introductory phrase Original: at this stage in life achieving Suggested revision: at this stage in life, achieving Why it matters: A comma should separate the introductory phrase from the main clause.
- 4. Use neutral wording Original: cash Suggested revision: money Why it matters: “Money” is more neutral and accurate than the narrower term “cash.”
- 5. Avoid the contraction Original: don’t have enough money Suggested revision: do not have enough money Why it matters: The uncontracted form better matches a formal academic register.
- 6. Correct the noun form Original: advancements Suggested revision: advancement Why it matters: “Career advancement” is normally uncountable when referring generally to professional progress.
- 7. Avoid the contraction Original: wealth doesn’t equal happiness Suggested revision: wealth does not equal happiness Why it matters: The full form is more appropriate in formal academic writing.
- 8. Use a formal example marker Original: activities like meditation or exercise Suggested revision: activities such as meditation or exercise Why it matters: “Such as” introduces examples in a more formal register.
- 9. Use a natural collocation Original: an uplift in mental and physical health Suggested revision: improvements in mental and physical health Why it matters: “Improvements in health” is the natural expression for positive health changes.
- 10. Use a fitting transition Original: Therefore Suggested revision: Ultimately Why it matters: The statement offers a concluding judgement rather than a direct consequence of the preceding sentence.
- 11. Correct the paired structure Original: between having more money or free time Suggested revision: between having more money and having more free time Why it matters: The correlative structure is “between X and Y,” not “between X or Y.”
- 12. Sentence rewrite Original: Free time provides an opportunity to engage in recreational activities, hobbies, and enjoy the company of our loved ones. Suggested revision: Free time provides opportunities to pursue recreational activities and hobbies and to enjoy the company of loved ones. Why it matters: The rewrite restores parallel structure across the coordinated activities and removes the pronoun shift.
Suggested Rewrites
- modern-day society contemporary society
- commodities that people strive for resources that people value
- at this stage in life achieving at this stage in life, achieving
- cash money
- don’t have enough money do not have enough money
- advancements advancement
Why this response received Band 7.0
The essay presents both perspectives in a balanced, easy-to-follow structure and supports them with relevant reasons in generally fluent language. Its main weakness is that the stated personal position shifts from prioritising financial security in the introduction to advocating an individual balance in the conclusion, which weakens the response to the opinion requirement. The priority is to maintain one precise viewpoint and use the final paragraph to reaffirm it directly.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both views are relevantly discussed and supported, but the writer's opinion is not consistently maintained from introduction to conclusion.
Choose a clear position on the two priorities and ensure the conclusion explicitly matches and synthesises that position.
Coherence and Cohesion
Paragraphing is effective, progression is logical, and cohesive devices guide the reader smoothly through the two views.
Make the final paragraph connect more directly to the thesis so the argumentative progression culminates in a consistent judgment.
Lexical Resource
The response uses a good range of vocabulary for finance, leisure, and well-being, with only occasional awkward collocations.
Replace phrases such as an uplift in health and career advancements with more natural, precise collocations.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex and simple sentence forms are varied and mostly controlled, with only minor lapses that do not impede meaning.
Polish parallel structures and article use in longer lists to improve accuracy at a more advanced level.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people think it is better to make more money rather than have free time, while others prefer to have more free time rather than making money. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.