Education is very important. How can children who are disinterested in the study to be motivated to learn? What is your opinion on that?
Sample Response
Education is highly essential these days. Parents give their best effort to make sure that their children get the highest quality of education. However, some challenges come up in pursuit this goal. One of these biggest problems is the less of students’ awareness and attentiveness in learning.
Students in many cases usually take part in education by force from parents and society. In other words, students are unaware of the learning process that they have been doing. It is believed, they just want to make people around them proud or pleased. In fact, they pretend to like and enjoy these learning activities even though they do not like that much to study.
Meanwhile, the improvement of education system serves several kinds of solutions. Particularly varying methods that are used in school or classroom can inspire kids to pay attention and enjoy their lessons. Education stockholders use different styles of teaching to combine with students’ preference. Indeed, children should feel enthusiastic and keep learning continually.
In addition, the next way out of this matter is children need a role model to show the real benefits of education. It is thought that children will figure out based on the example that to become a successful person; that means they have to study hard and vice versa. Moreover, the environment of children where they grow up also have a big influence. It means that the place where children are living can improve what they are doing.
Learning should be fun, at least to the children. The computer based and games based education systems that are adopted in many modern schools could be an effective way to engage the student in enjoying the learning. Learning through experience, fund and sports are the best ways to attract kids to study more. Parents and teachers have to handle the whole learning process delicately to make the students enjoy the reading. Finally, children’s psychology can vary based on their inherent characteristics, family and economic conditions of their parents and that’s why teachers should pay special attentions to each student and act accordingly to grab their attentions and focus on study.
In brief, being motivated students could reach closer to their dream. Many ways can lead to better education. A varying and suitable technique, portraying role model and getting support from the environment are pathways to be friendly with the study.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Add the preposition Original: in pursuit this goal Suggested revision: in pursuit of this goal Why it matters: The fixed expression is in pursuit of something.
- 2. Correct the determiner Original: One of these biggest problems Suggested revision: One of the biggest problems Why it matters: The superlative phrase requires the rather than these.
- 3. Express the deficiency clearly Original: the less of students’ awareness and attentiveness Suggested revision: students’ lack of awareness and attention Why it matters: Lack of is the correct expression for an insufficient quality.
- 4. Use natural phrasing Original: by force from parents and society Suggested revision: because of pressure from parents and society Why it matters: Pressure from accurately expresses the external compulsion described.
- 5. Complete the reporting clause Original: It is believed, Suggested revision: It is believed that Why it matters: A that-clause, not a comma, should follow this reporting expression.
- 6. Fix the word order Original: do not like that much to study Suggested revision: do not enjoy studying very much Why it matters: The revised gerund structure and adverb position are natural and grammatical.
- 7. Correct the noun phrase Original: the improvement of education system Suggested revision: improvements to the education system Why it matters: The plural form and preposition to naturally describe multiple educational changes.
- 8. Correct the collocation Original: serves several kinds of solutions Suggested revision: offers several solutions Why it matters: A system or change can offer solutions, but it does not serve kinds of solutions.
- 9. Use a clear transition Original: Particularly varying methods Suggested revision: In particular, varied methods Why it matters: In particular is the correct transition, while varied describes a range of methods.
- 10. Correct the term Original: Education stockholders Suggested revision: Education stakeholders Why it matters: Stakeholders is the intended term for people involved in education.
- 11. Use the right verb Original: to combine with students’ preference Suggested revision: to suit students’ preferences Why it matters: Teaching styles suit preferences rather than combine with them, and preferences should be plural.
- 12. Repair the clause structure Original: the next way out of this matter is children need Suggested revision: another solution is that children need Why it matters: The replacement supplies the required linking clause and states the solution directly.
Suggested Rewrites
- in pursuit this goal in pursuit of this goal
- One of these biggest problems One of the biggest problems
- the less of students’ awareness and attentiveness students’ lack of awareness and attention
- by force from parents and society because of pressure from parents and society
- It is believed, It is believed that
- do not like that much to study do not enjoy studying very much
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response offers several relevant ways to motivate children, particularly varied teaching, role models, enjoyable learning, and individual support, and its paragraph structure keeps the main direction understandable. However, explanations are often general or unclear, while frequent grammar and word-choice problems weaken precision. The highest-priority improvement is to select fewer solutions and develop each one through a clear cause-and-effect explanation expressed in accurate sentences.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The response answers the question with several relevant solutions and an identifiable view, but many ideas remain general or only partly explained.
Develop two or three principal methods with specific examples showing exactly how each would increase a disengaged child's motivation.
Coherence and Cohesion
Paragraphing and basic signposting create an overall progression, though connections within and between some ideas are mechanical or unclear.
Give each body paragraph one controlling idea and arrange its supporting sentences in a clear cause-and-effect sequence.
Lexical Resource
The response has enough topic vocabulary to discuss motivation and education, but frequent inaccurate word choices and collocations reduce precision.
Review word forms and common collocations, especially phrases involving attention, role models, learning activities, and educational stakeholders.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Simple and complex forms are both attempted, but frequent errors in articles, agreement, clause structure, and plurals sometimes strain readability.
Prioritise complete clause structures and subject-verb agreement before adding longer modifying phrases or coordinated ideas.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Education is very important. How can children who are disinterested in the study to be motivated to learn? What is your opinion on that?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.