People are more mobile nowadays. They seldom live in one city all their lives. Why do you think this is happening? What are the consequences of this trend?
Sample Response
Mobilizing from one place to another is becoming a trend for many people these days. This essay will discuss the cause of this phenomenon, and it will also explain the impacts of it in detail.
Having to mobilize from one area to another is aimed almost exclusively by many people to have a better career opportunity in their lives. As we may be aware, certain areas, especially in the urban cities, are more developed and it is normally occupied by many companies. Living in such places may increase people’s chance to be employed, especially by a well-known company, which would enable them to climb a career ladder faster, and as a result, they will have a better career prospect in their lives. This can be seen by a growing number of workers, who tend to live in a bigger city as there are plenty of jobs available. It is for this reason, many people like to be mobile in order to pursue their career path.
Moving from one place to another is not without its consequences, however. Some people may find it extremely hard to adapt to a new place due to the culture differences. Sometimes, they are not used to the local customs, which can be differ from their own. In Japan, for instance, people tend to work longer hours than ever before, and it may greatly impact the people, who just moved into the country, as they are not be able to stand with the Japanese’s working culture. Furthermore, the fact that one should be separated from their family for a long period of time is another impact of the mobilization. These people often feel homesick as they are being apart from their loved ones and can only meet them on a certain occasion only.
In conclusion, while being mobile is often opted by some people due to the career-related reasons, the consequences can be detrimental as they have to adjust to the new environment and the fact that they should be apart from their families.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use correct movement term Original: Mobilizing Suggested revision: Moving Why it matters: Mobilizing usually means organizing people or resources rather than changing one's place of residence.
- 2. Use concise possessive Original: impacts of it Suggested revision: its impacts Why it matters: The possessive form expresses the relationship more naturally and concisely.
- 3. Remove redundant wording Original: urban cities Suggested revision: cities Why it matters: Cities are inherently urban, so the modifier is redundant.
- 4. Fix plural reference Original: it is normally occupied Suggested revision: they are generally home to Why it matters: The plural noun areas requires a plural pronoun, and home to fits the relationship with companies.
- 5. Use plural noun Original: chance Suggested revision: chances Why it matters: The general reference to many people's employment opportunities requires the plural noun chances.
- 6. Fix article choice Original: a Suggested revision: the Why it matters: The established expression uses the definite article in this general sense.
- 7. Use plural form Original: prospect Suggested revision: prospects Why it matters: Prospects is normally plural when referring generally to future career opportunities.
- 8. Improve evidence phrase Original: This can be seen by Suggested revision: This is evident in Why it matters: This is evident in connects the claim more naturally to the observed example.
- 9. Remove incorrect comma Original: workers, who Suggested revision: workers who Why it matters: The relative clause identifies which workers are meant, so it should not be separated by a comma.
- 10. Use formal adjective Original: bigger Suggested revision: larger Why it matters: Larger is the more precise formal choice for the physical or population size of a city.
- 11. Fix result connector Original: It is for this reason, Suggested revision: For this reason, Why it matters: The shorter connector forms a grammatical link to the following independent clause.
- 12. Use adjective form Original: culture Suggested revision: cultural Why it matters: The adjective cultural is required to modify differences.
Suggested Rewrites
- Mobilizing Moving
- impacts of it its impacts
- urban cities cities
- it is normally occupied they are generally home to
- chance chances
- a the
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response has a clear structure and addresses both the reason for mobility and its consequences with relevant explanation and an illustrative example. Its main weakness is recurring grammatical and collocational inaccuracy, which makes many sentences awkward even though the message remains clear. The highest priority is to replace unnatural passive constructions and proofread agreement, verb forms, articles, and prepositions.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both questions are answered, with career opportunity explained as a cause and cultural adjustment and family separation developed as consequences.
Broaden the causal analysis beyond employment and make the Japan example more directly illustrate relocation-related adjustment.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response follows a logical cause-and-consequence structure with clear paragraphing, although linking is sometimes mechanical or repetitive.
Use simpler transitions and remove unnecessary commas around relative clauses so relationships between ideas read more smoothly.
Lexical Resource
There is sufficient topic vocabulary, but recurring inaccurate choices such as mobilizing, culture differences, and stand with reduce precision.
Use natural collocations such as relocate, cultural differences, adapt to working culture, and live apart from one's family.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The writer attempts varied complex structures, but frequent errors in agreement, verb forms, articles, and passive constructions remain noticeable.
Rewrite awkward passives in active form and check patterns such as can differ, are unable to cope, and have moved.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
People are more mobile nowadays. They seldom live in one city all their lives. Why do you think this is happening? What are the consequences of this trend?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.