In some countries, governments are encouraging industries and businesses to move to regional areas outside the big cities. Do the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages?
Sample Response
Industries and businesses are the primary concern in many cities as they make the city more congested and pollute the environment in one hand, while creates job opportunities and contribute to the development of the city on the other hand. Many of the enterprises are operated and promoted in bigger cities only. Encouraging them to move to regional areas is a good idea. I believe that has more benefits than drawbacks.
There are several advantages why industries should move to the regional areas and the government should take initiatives to do so. The most important aspect is the development of the regional areas. Setting up of the enterprises in the rural area will help to develop the basic infrastructures like transportation facility, electricity and road in the rural areas. In addition, the people of this area will have the golden opportunity of employment and that would enhance the living standard as well. Moreover, the economic activity of the area will increase and that would let the government take further initiatives in order to develop this urban area. The various types of small businesses and industries like hotel, lodge, suppliers will emerge and that will support other businesses and add value to the economy of these areas.
Regional offices are often helpful to expand businesses and to reduce the manufacturing and operating cost. Thus many big industries would be actually benefited from this. Again the pressure on the big cities would reduce and that would lessen many serious issues like pollutions, traffic jam and waste management.
Despite this, there are several disadvantages of moving the businesses and industries to regional areas. One of the prominent drawbacks is the exploitation of natural resources. The industry will use the various kind of resources such as forest, water resources which will cause the environmental degradation like pollution, climate change and much more. The gradual increase in the number of population in such urban areas will increase the crime rate. Finally relocating an industry to a different place involves a huge amount of costs and the industries would not want to spend this amount naturally.
All in all, comparing the good look and bad look, I think that the government must encourage the selected industries and businesses to move to regional areas where they would operate in a better fashion for the overall betterment of economy and environment and population.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use precise wording Original: the primary concern Suggested revision: a primary source of concern Why it matters: This wording more clearly identifies businesses as a cause of urban problems.
- 2. Correct fixed phrase Original: in one hand Suggested revision: on the one hand Why it matters: The standard correlative expression begins with “on the one hand”.
- 3. Add missing subject Original: while creates Suggested revision: while they create Why it matters: The clause after “while” needs an explicit subject and a matching verb.
- 4. Clarify business location Original: are operated and promoted Suggested revision: are based Why it matters: “Based” expresses the intended location more directly and naturally.
- 5. Correct noun pattern Original: advantages Suggested revision: reasons Why it matters: “Reasons why” is the grammatical construction for introducing explanations.
- 6. Remove unnecessary article Original: move to the regional areas Suggested revision: move to regional areas Why it matters: The plural noun refers to regional areas generally, so “the” is unnecessary.
- 7. Fix gerund structure Original: Setting up of the enterprises Suggested revision: Setting up enterprises Why it matters: The gerund takes its object directly without “of” here.
- 8. Use uncountable noun Original: infrastructures Suggested revision: infrastructure Why it matters: “Infrastructure” is normally uncountable in this general sense.
- 9. Use natural plural Original: transportation facility Suggested revision: transport facilities Why it matters: The plural phrase is more natural when describing a region’s transport provisions.
- 10. Correct noun number Original: road Suggested revision: roads Why it matters: “Road” should be plural when referring to regional road infrastructure generally.
- 11. Improve preposition Original: the people of this area Suggested revision: people in these areas Why it matters: “People in” is the natural phrasing for residents of the regional areas being discussed.
- 12. Use natural collocation Original: golden opportunity of employment Suggested revision: valuable employment opportunities Why it matters: This replacement uses a more natural and precise employment collocation.
Suggested Rewrites
- the primary concern a primary source of concern
- in one hand on the one hand
- while creates while they create
- are operated and promoted are based
- advantages reasons
- move to the regional areas move to regional areas
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response maintains a clear view that relocation brings greater benefits and supports it with a relevant range of economic, social, and environmental points. Its main limitation is that several claims are asserted rather than convincingly explained, while frequent awkward collocations and grammatical slips reduce precision. The highest-priority improvement is to develop fewer points with clearer causal explanation and accurate, natural sentence structures.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
A clear position is maintained, and both benefits and drawbacks are addressed with generally relevant supporting ideas.
Develop the most important claims more fully and make the comparison between the two sides more explicit.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically through well-defined paragraphs, although some transitions and references are mechanical or imprecise.
Use a wider range of natural referencing and linking choices to clarify relationships without repeatedly relying on formulaic connectors.
Lexical Resource
The response has adequate range for the topic, but frequent collocational and word-form problems reduce precision.
Prioritise accurate combinations such as infrastructure development, operating costs, and environmental degradation rather than forcing less natural expressions.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex structures communicates the argument, but agreement, article, plural, and clause errors recur.
Edit each complex sentence for subject-verb agreement and accurate noun phrases before adding further detail.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
In some countries, governments are encouraging industries and businesses to move to regional areas outside the big cities. Do the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.