In multi-cultural societies, people of different cultural backgrounds live and work together. Do you think the advantages of multi-cultural societies outweigh the disadvantages?
Sample Response
Globalisation has given the world to come closer and today we can experience several cultures staying and working at a common platform. A multi-cultured group brings a wider area of learning, celebration, and a well living environment. Similarly it creates some resistance in the society because of certain group of people being bigot. I think a place with people carrying so many cultures has a enormous benefit than drawback. When several cultures come together we all feel happy in learning new languages. We participate in events and festivals. This brings people coming closer to each other and adopting new style of living and working. Some of the orthodox style are replaced by new and pragmatic way. For example, In India we had a brutal ritual of burning lady who lost her husband. This was objected by the British empire first and later got stopped. Similarly the language which is in demanded across the globe, been learnt by Indians. The advantage of it is very evident now. Having said that, mixed culture also creates a lots of hindrance mainly by the people in the society who are not open to learn and accept. Bigot people are pivotal for such situation as they abhor others culture. They initiates and participates into a negative aspect of racism where people fight and in some instances becomes the reason of riots among different cultured groups. However this is only when we have more people with less knowledge and are illiterate. In, despite of some challenges which a mixed cultures can bring to the society can not overweight the benefits. The evolution of our race and the world we see today is the result of different cultures being together exchanging the knowledge and way of living.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Incorrect verb structure Original: given the world to come closer Suggested revision: brought the world closer Why it matters: Use the transitive verb structure 'bring something closer' here.
- 2. Use natural collocation Original: staying Suggested revision: living Why it matters: People from different cultures live together rather than cultures 'staying' together.
- 3. Correct preposition Original: at Suggested revision: on Why it matters: The standard preposition with 'platform' is 'on'.
- 4. Use correct adjective Original: A multi-cultured group Suggested revision: A multicultural group Why it matters: 'Multicultural' is the standard adjective for a group containing several cultures.
- 5. Improve word choice Original: a wider area of learning Suggested revision: broader opportunities for learning Why it matters: This phrase expresses the intended benefit more naturally and precisely.
- 6. Incorrect word form Original: well Suggested revision: good Why it matters: 'Well' does not correctly modify the noun phrase 'living environment'.
- 7. Use contrasting linker Original: Similarly it creates Suggested revision: However, it creates Why it matters: The sentence introduces a disadvantage, so a contrast linker is required.
- 8. Fix noun phrase Original: certain group of people being bigot Suggested revision: a certain group of people who are bigoted Why it matters: The singular count noun needs an article, and 'bigoted' is the required adjective.
- 9. Fix comparison form Original: a enormous benefit than drawback Suggested revision: greater benefits than drawbacks Why it matters: Use plural nouns and a comparative adjective with 'than'.
- 10. Correct verb pattern Original: happy in learning Suggested revision: happy to learn Why it matters: 'Happy' is naturally followed by an infinitive in this construction.
- 11. Remove faulty complement Original: brings people coming closer Suggested revision: brings people closer Why it matters: 'Bring' takes the object directly before the complement 'closer'.
- 12. Use plural noun Original: style Suggested revision: ways Why it matters: The plural 'ways' is needed for multiple forms of living and working.
Suggested Rewrites
- given the world to come closer brought the world closer
- staying living
- at on
- A multi-cultured group A multicultural group
- a wider area of learning broader opportunities for learning
- well good
Why this response received Band 5.5
The response has a clear position and offers relevant benefits, examples, and a counterargument, so its central message is easy to follow. Its main weakness is the combination of uneven idea development and persistent grammatical and collocational errors, especially in the discussion of disadvantages. The highest priority is to organise the argument into clear paragraphs and revise sentences for agreement, articles, and natural word combinations.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response addresses both advantages and disadvantages and maintains a clear view, although some supporting claims are general or only loosely connected to multiculturalism.
Develop each side with a clearly explained cause-and-effect chain and use examples that directly demonstrate the social effects of cultural diversity.
Coherence and Cohesion
The ideas follow a recognisable sequence from position to benefits, drawbacks, and conclusion, but the single-block presentation and several awkward transitions weaken progression.
Separate the response into purposeful paragraphs and use linking expressions only where the logical relationship between sentences is precise.
Lexical Resource
There is enough range to discuss culture and social conflict, but frequent inaccurate word forms and collocations reduce precision and naturalness.
Prioritise accurate combinations such as cultural diversity, social resistance, and share knowledge, and check noun, adjective, and verb forms carefully.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response attempts varied sentence structures, but frequent errors with articles, agreement, plurals, and clause construction repeatedly disrupt fluency.
Edit every sentence for a clear subject-verb structure, then check article use and singular-plural agreement before adding complex clauses.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
In multi-cultural societies, people of different cultural backgrounds live and work together. Do you think the advantages of multi-cultural societies outweigh the disadvantages?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.