The growth of multinational companies and the resulting rise of globalization creates positive effects for all. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
The pervasiveness of multinationals has led many to question their relative merits. In my opinion, their impact is negative on the whole despite legitimate economic advantages.
Those in favor of a globalised world argue that international conglomerates bring wealth to a country. This is the result of a variety of related effects including increased tax revenue, employment opportunities, and, most importantly, the spread of expertise. A good example of this would be producers of consumer electronics such as Apple. Apple provides jobs in countries all around the world ranging from marketers and factory workers to graphic designers and supply agents. All these employees receive salaries typically above the average wages in a given region, which is then directed back towards the local consumer economy. Such workers are also likely to pick up specialised skills that they can utilize in the long-term and later pass on to others.
Nonetheless, multinationals are negative due to their effects on local businesses and the environment. A good example of the former point would be the rise of fast food chains globally. Well-known brands such as McDonald’s and KFC are in hundreds of countries and provide serious competition to local restaurants. Their ability to offer cheap, uniform meals with limited nutritional value that are very addictive hurt both the health of the local populace and also make it harder for small restaurants to turn a profit and remain in operation. Moreover, such large corporations contribute to climate change by exploiting the use of airplanes and trucks to ship their products globally. Combined with the plastic packaging often employed by these companies, their impact on the environment far surpasses the minor lifestyle choices of individuals.
In conclusion, despite meagre economic benefits arising from multinationals, I believe this is a negative trend due to the effect on small businesses and the environment. Governments must therefore attempt to carefully regulate and balance the introduction of international companies.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. State the focus precisely Original: their relative merits Suggested revision: their overall impact Why it matters: Overall impact more directly matches the essay's evaluation of positive and negative effects.
- 2. Use concise wording Original: result of a variety of related effects Suggested revision: result of several related benefits Why it matters: Benefits names the positive outcomes more precisely and avoids the vague wording variety of related effects.
- 3. Remove the hyphen Original: in the long-term Suggested revision: in the long term Why it matters: Long term is not hyphenated when it functions as a noun phrase after a preposition.
- 4. Use a precise verb Original: are Suggested revision: operate Why it matters: Operate precisely describes companies conducting business across countries.
- 5. Correct the collocation Original: exploiting the use of Suggested revision: relying heavily on Why it matters: Relying heavily on naturally expresses extensive dependence on transport.
- 6. Use plural reference Original: due to the effect Suggested revision: because of their effects Why it matters: The plural possessive clearly refers to the multiple effects of multinational companies.
- 7. Clarify the policy action Original: regulate and balance the introduction of international companies Suggested revision: regulate the entry and operation of international companies Why it matters: Entry and operation states more clearly what governments would regulate.
- 8. Sentence rewrite Original: All these employees receive salaries typically above the average wages in a given region, which is then directed back towards the local consumer economy. Suggested revision: These employees typically earn salaries above the average wage in their region, and this income is then directed back into the local consumer economy. Why it matters: The rewrite fixes the unclear singular relative clause and the mismatch between salaries and which is.
- 9. Sentence rewrite Original: Their ability to offer cheap, uniform meals with limited nutritional value that are very addictive hurt both the health of the local populace and also make it harder for small restaurants to turn a profit and remain in operation. Suggested revision: Their ability to offer cheap, uniform, highly addictive meals with limited nutritional value harms the health of local people and makes it harder for small restaurants to turn a profit and remain in operation. Why it matters: The rewrite restores subject-verb agreement and parallel coordination while clarifying the modifiers.
- 10. Sentence rewrite Original: Combined with the plastic packaging often employed by these companies, their impact on the environment far surpasses the minor lifestyle choices of individuals. Suggested revision: Together, this transport and the plastic packaging used by these companies create an environmental impact that far surpasses that of individuals' minor lifestyle choices. Why it matters: The rewrite removes the dangling opening modifier and makes the two compared impacts grammatically parallel.
Suggested Rewrites
- their relative merits their overall impact
- result of a variety of related effects result of several related benefits
- in the long-term in the long term
- are operate
- exploiting the use of relying heavily on
- due to the effect because of their effects
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response establishes a clear position, develops both the economic counterargument and the negative case with specific examples, and progresses smoothly through a well-controlled structure. Its main limitations are a few overgeneralised claims and isolated awkward or inaccurate constructions, which slightly reduce precision. The highest-priority improvement is to qualify assertions more carefully and polish agreement and collocation choices while preserving the essay's strong development.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response directly answers the question with a consistent position and develops relevant economic, commercial, and environmental arguments in depth.
Qualify broad claims about wages, health, and corporate impact so the reasoning is consistently measured and defensible.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay is logically organised, and ideas progress clearly within and between well-focused paragraphs with well-managed cohesion.
Make the transition from the counterargument to the negative position slightly more explicit to sharpen the argumentative hierarchy.
Lexical Resource
A wide and precise vocabulary is used flexibly, with only isolated awkward collocations or slightly overstated wording.
Refine phrases such as "exploiting the use of" and choose more exact wording for comparative claims.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex structures is handled accurately, with only occasional agreement and reference slips.
Proofread long sentences for subject-verb agreement and ensure pronouns or relative clauses refer unambiguously to their antecedents.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
The growth of multinational companies and the resulting rise of globalization creates positive effects for all. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.