Many museums charge for admission while others are free. Do you think the advantages of charging people for admission to museums outweigh the disadvantages?
Same question Compare all 2 answers See different approaches and band scores for this IELTS task.Sample Response
Whether entry to a museum should be free or not, and which one offers greater benefit is often hotly debated. This essay will carefully outline the advantages and disadvantages of paid entry to museums and opine why entry fee to a museum offers more disadvantages than benefits.
Among the advantages of charging people for granting entry to a museum is that the money earned this way can support the maintenance costs and staff salary. Museums require maintenance and upgradation costs and salaries for their employees. Since museums do not have any tangible income like most business entities, they need a way to support the expenditure. Therefore, the entry ticket fees could be a great source of income for those museums to run and function. For instance, the city I live in has some vibrant museums and art galleries that attract local and foreign tourists alike. The main income source for the authority of those museums is the entrance fee.
However, there are significant disadvantages to charging visitors to museums. First, hefty entry fees to many museums deter low-income people and students from visiting them. Since the museums are meant to preserve and teach history, science, traditions and other important aspects of society and inspire the new generation, they should be accessible to all, especially young learners. For instance, two science and technology museums in my city charge a large sum of money as an entry fee and attract only rich people. Since they are not accessible to all students, they fail to make an impact on society when it comes to teaching and inspiring people. Moreover, the collection of most museums increases over time and people need to visit museums regularly, not just once in a lifetime. When people need to spend money to witness history or learn about science, many of them may not go there at all. Therefore, charging people for visiting museums has far more significant demerits than a few advantages it offers.
To conclude, free entrance to museums has numerous long-term and immediate benefits that far outweigh the single monetary advantage the ticket money may offer. Therefore, it is expected that the state would bear the expenses of the museums and they would offer free admission to visitors.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Clarify number Original: which one offers greater benefit Suggested revision: which option offers greater benefits Why it matters: The singular pronoun is unclear and the countable noun needs a plural form here.
- 2. Use natural verb Original: opine why Suggested revision: explain why Why it matters: The verb 'opine' is not naturally used with a why-clause in this structure.
- 3. Use plural noun Original: staff salary Suggested revision: staff salaries Why it matters: The reference is to the salaries of multiple employees, so the noun should be plural.
- 4. Fix noun reference Original: the authority of those museums Suggested revision: those museums Why it matters: The singular 'authority' does not agree naturally with the plural museums being discussed.
- 5. Correct preposition Original: hefty entry fees to many museums Suggested revision: hefty entry fees at many museums Why it matters: Fees are charged 'at' museums, not 'to' museums.
- 6. Repair comparison Original: far more significant demerits than a few advantages it offers Suggested revision: far more significant disadvantages than advantages Why it matters: The original comparison has an unclear pronoun and an awkward mismatch between the two sides.
- 7. Improve collocation Original: entry fee to a museum Suggested revision: charging an entry fee Why it matters: This wording expresses the act of imposing a fee more naturally.
- 8. Match comparison terms Original: offers more disadvantages than benefits Suggested revision: has more disadvantages than advantages Why it matters: Using the paired terms 'disadvantages' and 'advantages' makes the comparison more precise.
- 9. Use standard noun Original: upgradation costs Suggested revision: upgrade costs Why it matters: 'Upgrade costs' is the more standard expression in this context.
- 10. Clarify income claim Original: do not have any tangible income Suggested revision: do not generate substantial income Why it matters: 'Substantial income' conveys the intended financial limitation more accurately than 'tangible income'.
- 11. Consolidate funding point Suggested revision: Combine the repeated statements about income, maintenance costs, and operating expenses before introducing the city example. Why it matters: This would make the paragraph progress from claim to explanation to evidence without circling back to the same financial point.
- 12. Link example clearly Suggested revision: Add a brief cohesive link showing how the city example illustrates museums using admission revenue to meet operating costs. Why it matters: The example currently follows the claim but its evidential role is only implicit.
Suggested Rewrites
- which one offers greater benefit which option offers greater benefits
- opine why explain why
- staff salary staff salaries
- the authority of those museums those museums
- hefty entry fees to many museums hefty entry fees at many museums
- far more significant demerits than a few advantages it offers far more significant disadvantages than advantages
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response addresses the comparison directly, maintains a clear position, and develops both the financial benefit and the wider accessibility costs with relevant explanation. Its main limitation is occasional imprecise or unnatural wording, alongside some repetition in the discussion of museum funding and access. The highest-priority improvement is to express these well-developed ideas with more precise collocations and tighter phrasing.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The response fully answers the question with a clear position and well-developed, relevant support for both sides.
Make the disadvantages even more incisive by distinguishing their educational and social consequences rather than partly overlapping them.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically through a clear introduction, balanced body discussion, and conclusion, with cohesive links used effectively.
Reduce repeated references to fees, income, and accessibility by using tighter internal referencing between connected points.
Lexical Resource
A broad vocabulary conveys the argument clearly, although several collocations such as maintenance and upgradation costs are awkward or imprecise.
Prioritise natural academic collocations and replace inflated choices such as demerits with precise, context-appropriate wording.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex structures is generally well controlled, with only occasional article, agreement, and phrasing errors.
Proofread noun phrases and agreement carefully, especially constructions involving entry fees, museum collections, and singular or plural reference.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Many museums charge for admission while others are free. Do you think the advantages of charging people for admission to museums outweigh the disadvantages?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.