Exposure to international media such as films, TV and magazines has a significant impact on local cultures. What do you think has been the impact? Do you think its advantages outweigh the disadvantages?
Sample Response
It is certainly true that being exposed to foreign media which includes movies, TV and publications has significantly affected local cultures as evidently seen in my country, the Philippines. It greatly affected our local languages and family values. Exposure to international music, TV shows and magazines has caused a change to our local languages. By constantly listening for instance, to western songs and watching American TV series such Pretty Little Liars, people in my country have eventually adapted the European language or even an American accent. As a result, this adaptation could gradually lessen the use of our Tagalog language. However, it could also make us globally competitive especially when hardly looking for an employment internationally. As for my experience when I was looking for a nursing job in Melbourne, Australia, one of their hospitals' requirements is for me to be able to communicate English in advanced level. Also, constant exposure to foreign media has caused a considerable impact on family values. For instance, my country is a very conservative nation. Reserved people here strongly disregard sex before marriage, but because of foreign cultures regard this unacceptable notion as acceptable and obviously shown in American and western films, Filipinos tend to do so. This leads to the negative influence of my country's family culture. In conclusion, I think that there are benefits and drawbacks brought to local cultures by international media, but I cannot deny the fact that because of these foreign sources of information, I have learned a lot, most especially English language. So I certainly believe that there are more positive effects of these global media than the negative ones.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Agreement Original: which includes movies Suggested revision: which include movies Why it matters: Media is treated as plural in this list.
- 2. Natural phrasing Original: as evidently seen in my country Suggested revision: as can be seen in my country Why it matters: The original phrase is understandable but awkward.
- 3. Tense consistency Original: It greatly affected Suggested revision: It has greatly affected Why it matters: Present perfect fits an ongoing impact.
- 4. Comma placement Original: listening for instance, to western songs Suggested revision: listening, for instance, to western songs Why it matters: For instance should be set off with commas.
- 5. Missing as Original: such Pretty Little Liars Suggested revision: such as Pretty Little Liars Why it matters: The phrase such as is needed before an example.
- 6. Wrong verb Original: adapted the European language Suggested revision: adopted foreign expressions Why it matters: Adapted is not the right verb, and European language is too vague.
- 7. Parallel noun Original: an American accent Suggested revision: American accents Why it matters: The sentence refers to people generally, so the plural form is more natural.
- 8. Incorrect phrase Original: hardly looking for an employment internationally Suggested revision: looking for employment overseas Why it matters: Hardly means almost not, and employment is uncountable here.
- 9. Subject agreement Original: requirements is for me Suggested revision: requirements was that I Why it matters: One of their requirements takes a singular verb and a that-clause.
- 10. Preposition error Original: communicate English in advanced level Suggested revision: communicate in English at an advanced level Why it matters: The sentence needs in English and at an advanced level.
- 11. Clearer subject Original: Reserved people here Suggested revision: Many conservative people there Why it matters: Reserved does not clearly express conservative social values.
- 12. Broken clause Original: because of foreign cultures regard this unacceptable notion as acceptable Suggested revision: because foreign cultures regard this once-unacceptable notion as acceptable Why it matters: Because of cannot introduce a full subject-verb clause.
Suggested Rewrites
- which includes movies which include movies
- as evidently seen in my country as can be seen in my country
- It greatly affected It has greatly affected
- listening for instance, to western songs listening, for instance, to western songs
- such Pretty Little Liars such as Pretty Little Liars
- adapted the European language adopted foreign expressions
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The essay answers the impact and outweigh questions with relevant examples from language, employment, and family values. The advantages are ultimately favoured, but the balance is uneven and some claims need clearer explanation.
Make the final position clear earlier, then compare the language/employment benefit directly against the cultural-value drawback.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response has a clear introduction, two body areas, and a conclusion, but some paragraph links are abrupt and examples are not always integrated smoothly.
Use topic sentences that name the impact first, then move from example to consequence before evaluating whether it is positive or negative.
Lexical Resource
There is adequate topic vocabulary for media, culture, language, and values. Several word choices are inaccurate or unnatural, especially adapted, European language, and employment internationally.
Replace imprecise phrases with accurate terms such as adopted foreign expressions, local language use, and international job opportunities.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Meaning is generally understandable, but frequent preposition, article, clause, and sentence-structure errors reduce accuracy.
Check each long sentence for a complete clause and revise noun phrases with articles and prepositions.