Buying things on the Internet, such as books, air tickets and groceries, is becoming more and more popular. Do the advantages of shopping in this way outweigh the disadvantages?
Sample Response
E-commerce has revolutionised the way people do business, purchase products, and get different services. With billions of Internet users, online shopping has changed people’s lifestyles and buying habits to a great extent. I believe online shopping has more advantages than demerits, and it will dominate global business even more in the coming days to make people’s lives easier.
Among the drawbacks of online shopping, identity theft and digital scams are more common. Careless use of credit cards or adding sensitive personal information to malicious websites can often invite intruders and hackers. Moreover, online shopping does not allow someone to physically inspect a product before buying it, and this often leads to customer dissatisfaction.
Among the advantages, online shopping enables consumers to get a service or a product while staying at home. They no longer need to travel a long distance or wait in a long queue to pay their bills. With the widespread use of hand-held smart devices and the Internet, shopping is just a few fingers tap away. This saves valuable time and enables people to use plastic cards which are more secure.
Moreover, online banking, ticket booking systems, e-payment and online subscriptions facilitate mass people to avoid traffic congestion and help maintain a green environment. From a business owner’s perspective, online shopping permits them to run the business 24/7, without the need for any extra staff, utility bills and so on. This permits them to offer products at a more competitive price. Finally, consumers enjoy great freedom to purchase global products from renowned websites like eBay and Amazon and compare the quality and price of a product before making a purchasing decision. Thus, in my belief, the advantages that online shopping offers far outweigh the disadvantages it has.
To conclude, the overwhelming benefits that online shopping offers far outweigh a few demerits it has. I personally am an online shopper, and I believe that it has immensely improved our freedom of shopping and lifestyle.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Improve verb collocations Original: do business, purchase products, and get different services Suggested revision: conduct business, purchase products, and access services Why it matters: Conduct and access form more precise collocations with business and services.
- 2. Use concise adverb Original: to a great extent Suggested revision: substantially Why it matters: The single adverb expresses the same degree more concisely.
- 3. Use consistent term Original: more advantages than demerits Suggested revision: more advantages than disadvantages Why it matters: Disadvantages matches the task wording and the terminology used later in the response.
- 4. Use correct timeframe Original: in the coming days Suggested revision: in the future Why it matters: In the coming days suggests only the next few days rather than a long-term trend.
- 5. Fix verb collocation Original: adding sensitive personal information to malicious websites Suggested revision: entering sensitive personal information on malicious websites Why it matters: Information is entered on a website rather than added to it in this context.
- 6. State the risk clearly Original: invite intruders and hackers Suggested revision: expose users to hackers Why it matters: The revision expresses the security risk directly and removes overlapping nouns.
- 7. Use precise subject Original: allow someone to physically inspect Suggested revision: allow consumers to inspect Why it matters: Consumers names the relevant group, and inspect already implies physical examination here.
- 8. Fix topic opening Original: Among the advantages, Suggested revision: One advantage is that Why it matters: The replacement creates a complete and natural topic-sentence opening.
- 9. Use precise verbs Original: get a service or a product Suggested revision: access a service or purchase a product Why it matters: Different verbs more accurately describe obtaining services and products.
- 10. Use general plural Original: travel a long distance Suggested revision: travel long distances Why it matters: The plural form suits a general statement about consumers' journeys.
- 11. Fix verb and quantity Original: facilitate mass people to avoid Suggested revision: enable large numbers of people to avoid Why it matters: Enable takes an object plus infinitive, and mass people is not a valid quantity phrase.
- 12. Match general reference Original: run the business 24/7 Suggested revision: run their businesses 24/7 Why it matters: The possessive and plural noun align with the general reference to business owners.
Suggested Rewrites
- do business, purchase products, and get different services conduct business, purchase products, and access services
- to a great extent substantially
- more advantages than demerits more advantages than disadvantages
- in the coming days in the future
- adding sensitive personal information to malicious websites entering sensitive personal information on malicious websites
- invite intruders and hackers expose users to hackers
Why this response received Band 7.5
The essay answers the comparison directly, acknowledges two credible risks, and develops a broader case for convenience, time savings, consumer choice and business efficiency while maintaining a consistent position. Its main limitation is precision: a few benefits drift beyond shopping or are asserted without support, and the closing judgement is repeated; prioritise explaining why the strongest advantages outweigh security and inspection risks, using natural phrasing and one concise conclusion.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The response addresses both sides, sustains a clear position and develops several relevant advantages, although some claims about banking, environmental benefits and card security are weakly connected or supported.
Explicitly weigh convenience, range and lower costs against fraud and inability to inspect goods, explaining why the former have greater overall impact.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay is logically paragraphed and moves clearly from drawbacks to increasingly broad advantages, but it repeats the final judgement in two consecutive conclusions.
End the final advantages paragraph with supporting analysis and reserve the overall outweigh judgement for one concise concluding paragraph.
Lexical Resource
A broad range of commerce, technology and consumer vocabulary is used effectively, though several expressions are unnatural or imprecise.
Replace demerits, invite intruders, a few fingers tap away, facilitate mass people and freedom of shopping with drawbacks, expose users to hackers, a few taps away, enable many people and consumer choice.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex sentences are varied and generally accurate, with occasional errors in noun phrases, complementation and reference that do not impede meaning.
Correct structures such as a few taps away, enables many people to avoid traffic, and from business owners’ perspective, online retail allows them to operate continuously.
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