Museums and art galleries should concentrate on works that show history and culture of their own country rather than the works of the other parts in the world. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Sample Response
Museums and art galleries play an important role in offering multifaceted knowledge to the public. Some individuals opine that these institutions should primarily focus on their local history and art instead of global works of art. However, I disagree with this viewpoint as international works provide various benefits to the public.
Museums and art galleries offer a medium for understanding cultural heritage. By focusing on local history and art only, such institutions limit the knowledge of the public to the domestic borders. Conversely, if art and history from other parts of the world are displayed, museums and art galleries exhibit multiculturalism, allowing people to understand distinct histories and cultures, and thus, enhancing globalization. For example, the Vatican museum exhibits works from several European countries, allowing the smallest country in the world to be a bridge to explaining cultural values of distinct nations under one roof.
Moreover, international historical and cultural works would allow individuals to gain information on critical international issues that many countries face together. Many museums choose to have educational international exhibitions of important political and social issues, which may be more informative than the media. For instance, the War Remnants Museum in Vietnam has collections from across the country and globe in order to depict thoughts on poverty, war, and trade, and in a survey, 88% of visitors declared that they felt more informed about such issues from the museum than from the news.
In conclusion, I disagree to a large extent with the belief that museums and art galleries should focus on the history and art of their own country rather than international works, as with the latter, these museums, and galleries build a platform for globalization and multinational knowledge.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural collocation Original: offering multifaceted knowledge Suggested revision: providing broad knowledge Why it matters: Providing broad knowledge is clearer and more natural in this context.
- 2. Clarify national reference Original: their local history and art Suggested revision: history and art from their own country Why it matters: The revision makes clear that their refers to each institution's country.
- 3. Clarify restricted knowledge Original: limit the knowledge of the public to the domestic borders Suggested revision: restrict public knowledge to domestic matters Why it matters: Knowledge cannot literally be limited to geographical borders, so the original phrase is imprecise.
- 4. Use precise effect Original: exhibit multiculturalism Suggested revision: promote multicultural awareness Why it matters: Institutions promote awareness through displays rather than exhibit the abstract concept of multiculturalism.
- 5. Repair participle link Original: and thus, enhancing globalization Suggested revision: thereby enhancing globalization Why it matters: Thereby correctly links the participial result to the preceding clause.
- 6. Capitalize proper name Original: museum Suggested revision: Museum Why it matters: Museum is part of the proper institutional name used in the sentence and requires capitalization.
- 7. Use natural preposition Original: on Suggested revision: about Why it matters: Information about is the more natural collocation for learning about issues.
- 8. Tighten shared issues Original: issues that many countries face together Suggested revision: issues shared by many countries Why it matters: The concise revision expresses the same idea without the awkward verb phrase.
- 9. Use exhibition verb Original: have Suggested revision: hold Why it matters: Museums hold exhibitions rather than have them in formal writing.
- 10. Correct modifier order Original: educational international exhibitions of important political and social issues Suggested revision: international educational exhibitions on important political and social issues Why it matters: The revised modifier order and preposition make the exhibition topic clear.
- 11. Use precise reporting phrase Original: depict thoughts on Suggested revision: present perspectives on Why it matters: Present perspectives accurately describes communicating viewpoints about these issues.
- 12. Use natural bridge phrase Original: to be a bridge to explaining Suggested revision: to serve as a bridge for understanding Why it matters: The revised collocation clearly expresses the museum's connecting role.
Suggested Rewrites
- offering multifaceted knowledge providing broad knowledge
- their local history and art history and art from their own country
- limit the knowledge of the public to the domestic borders restrict public knowledge to domestic matters
- exhibit multiculturalism promote multicultural awareness
- and thus, enhancing globalization thereby enhancing globalization
- museum Museum
Why this response received Band 7.5
The essay maintains a clear disagreement and supports it with two relevant, logically developed arguments and specific examples. The principal weakness is that some claims and examples are slightly overstated or awkwardly expressed, which limits precision; the highest-priority improvement is to sharpen the reasoning that connects international displays to public benefits and present supporting evidence in more measured, natural language.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response directly answers the question, sustains a clear position, and develops two relevant reasons with supporting examples.
Make each example's relevance more explicit and acknowledge briefly why an international focus outweighs the proposed local emphasis.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information is sequenced very clearly across focused paragraphs, and cohesive devices guide the reader without distracting from the argument.
Refine the final sentence so it synthesises the two body arguments without the slightly cumbersome interruption around museums and galleries.
Lexical Resource
The response uses a broad, appropriately academic vocabulary, though a few collocations are imprecise or unnatural.
Use more natural phrasing for ideas such as limiting knowledge, connecting cultures, and representing international issues.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex sentences are frequent and generally well controlled, with only occasional punctuation, article, and construction problems.
Review long sentences for unnecessary commas and ensure each modifying phrase attaches clearly to its intended noun or clause.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Museums and art galleries should concentrate on works that show history and culture of their own country rather than the works of the other parts in the world. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.