Music is played in every society and culture in the world today. Some people believe that music brings only benefits to individuals and societies. Others, however, think that music can have a negative influence on both. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Sample Response
It is an incontestable fact that music play a crucial role in our day-to-day life, and the impact it has created frequently generates heated debate. The supporters of music believe that it states its significance in an appropriate way, whereas other schools of thought claim that it has drawbacks due to some scourges experienced by people. In the forthcoming paragraphs, this discourse elucidates the merits and demerits of playing songs along with my certitude in the formal stance.
To begin with, there are numerous benefits of listening to albums which are composed by multiple artists all over the world. Individuals anticipate that listening to these songs is an optimal way to rejuvenate themselves. For instance, employees who return from the workplace prefer hearing music on the commute. They make the best use of cutting-edge technologies by connecting their electronic gadgets and headsets or earbuds via Bluetooth, which is flexible and reliable, and claim that it is an extraordinary way to forget all the challenges faced at work and prevents them from trepidation. Additionally, people who are depressed and seeking professional aid are being advised by their therapists to listen to motivational songs. This eventually helps them to have a speedy recuperation. Hence, listening to songs is advantageous in several ways.
On the flip side, others believe that it is a demerit to some humans and has pessimistic effects on the public. Firstly, artists are fond of penning lyrics that comprise bad language and tend to be vulgar. It is perilous to children, and they are prone to use this kind of worst dialect when unknowingly at their educational institutes. Secondly, artists are paid less remuneration when they sing or compose songs despite the huge profits attained by the music industry. To cite an example, singers, lyricists and instrument players receive low wages and are depressed with a lack of appreciation despite their good work. Thus there are some hindrances associated with music.
To recapitulate, this essay has explained that music is essential for our everyday activities, and it acts as fuel for a healthy lifestyle and is prejudicial in a few aspects. Although there are some disadvantages, in my perspective, it is critical and has optimistic effects on the public and society.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Fix subject agreement Original: play Suggested revision: plays Why it matters: The singular subject ‘music’ requires the verb form ‘plays’.
- 2. Use plural noun Original: life Suggested revision: lives Why it matters: The plural determiner ‘our’ refers naturally to more than one person’s life.
- 3. Clarify the meaning Original: states its significance in an appropriate way Suggested revision: demonstrates its value Why it matters: The original phrase is unnatural and does not clearly express the supporters’ view.
- 4. Use precise wording Original: some scourges experienced by people Suggested revision: harmful effects experienced by people Why it matters: ‘Scourges’ is too extreme and does not fit this general reference to disadvantages.
- 5. Use natural phrasing Original: this discourse elucidates Suggested revision: this essay examines Why it matters: The revision uses a clear academic phrase without unnecessary formality.
- 6. Choose accurate term Original: playing songs Suggested revision: music Why it matters: The essay discusses music broadly rather than the act of playing particular songs.
- 7. Fix verb choice Original: anticipate Suggested revision: find Why it matters: ‘Anticipate’ means expect a future event and does not fit the claim about an experienced benefit.
- 8. Use natural collocation Original: return from the workplace Suggested revision: return from work Why it matters: ‘Return from work’ is the usual collocation in this context.
- 9. Improve collocation Original: prefer hearing music Suggested revision: prefer listening to music Why it matters: ‘Listen to music’ better conveys the deliberate activity described here.
- 10. Use concise wording Original: have a speedy recuperation Suggested revision: recover more quickly Why it matters: The revision expresses the same idea more naturally and directly.
- 11. Fix reference and noun Original: it is a demerit to some humans Suggested revision: music has disadvantages for some people Why it matters: The pronoun has no clear referent and ‘a demerit to humans’ is not idiomatic.
- 12. Use correct collocation Original: pessimistic Suggested revision: negative Why it matters: ‘Negative effects’ is the standard phrase for harmful consequences.
Suggested Rewrites
- play plays
- life lives
- states its significance in an appropriate way demonstrates its value
- some scourges experienced by people harmful effects experienced by people
- this discourse elucidates this essay examines
- playing songs music
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response addresses both perspectives, provides several relevant examples, and reaches a clear favourable view of music. Its main limitation is that some ideas, especially the point about artists' pay, are only loosely connected to music's influence, while pervasive unnatural wording and grammatical slips reduce precision. Prioritise direct, natural expression and develop each negative effect through a clearer cause-and-consequence explanation.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both views and a clear opinion are presented with relevant support, although the negative case is less directly and fully developed.
Explain how each claimed drawback specifically affects individuals or society and develop the artist-pay point beyond assertion.
Coherence and Cohesion
Clear paragraphing and an appropriate overall sequence make the argument easy to follow despite some mechanical linking and unclear references.
Use fewer formulaic signposts and ensure pronouns and logical links identify their referents precisely.
Lexical Resource
The response displays a broad vocabulary, but frequent overformal or inaccurate collocations make several statements sound unnatural.
Prefer precise everyday academic combinations such as reduces anxiety and negative effects instead of forcing uncommon words into unsuitable contexts.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex structures conveys the message, but agreement, article, pronoun, and sentence-construction errors recur throughout.
Proofread each complex sentence for subject-verb agreement and make sure every modifying or dependent phrase attaches to a clear subject.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Music is played in every society and culture in the world today. Some people believe that music brings only benefits to individuals and societies. Others, however, think that music can have a negative influence on both. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.