Some people think that the most important function of music is to help people relax. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
Many believe that music serves primarily as a means of relaxation while others think it is more than that. I am in agreement with the former as there are other purposes for music but they can all be roughly defined as ways of relaxing.
Those who feel music is more than just relaxation point out its other stated uses. For example, many people listen to music in more active settings, such as in night clubs, and dance along. In difficult emotional periods, including after a bad breakup or the loss of a loved one, some individuals turn to music to cope or lift up their spirits. There are also those who view music as an art form no different from literature, painting, and poetry. For them, music serves the myriad purposes of artistic appreciation that include offering insights into life and the artistic expression of others.
Nonetheless, the reasons detailed above can all be generally categorised as forms of relaxation and the most common purpose of music is unadorned enjoyment. People relax in different ways and that can include dancing, connecting with music emotionally or enjoying art. The majority of people, however, simply listen to music throughout the day as a way of escaping from the pressures and demands of work and family. Studies have shown that listening to music regularly can reduce blood pressure and ease the burdens that modern life places on mental health. This is the reason why workers, students, and parents gravitate towards music, in addition to other kinds of light entertainment, at the end of a long day and explains the enduring success of the industry.
In conclusion, music is mainly for relaxation, though this takes on different variations depending on the person in question. This desire to relax is part of a shared humanity that unites all peoples.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Remove awkward modifier Original: other stated uses Suggested revision: other uses Why it matters: Stated is unnecessary because the sentence goes on to identify the uses directly.
- 2. Use general plural Original: peoples Suggested revision: people Why it matters: People refers to human beings generally, whereas peoples normally refers to distinct ethnic or national groups.
- 3. Fix verb collocation Original: cope or lift up their spirits Suggested revision: cope or lift their spirits Why it matters: Lift their spirits is the standard expression and does not take up.
- 4. Clarify abstract phrase Original: myriad purposes of artistic appreciation Suggested revision: many purposes associated with appreciating art Why it matters: The revision makes the relationship between music and artistic appreciation more direct.
- 5. Use concise phrasing Original: the artistic expression of others Suggested revision: other people's artistic expression Why it matters: The possessive form conveys the same meaning more naturally and concisely.
- 6. Place adverb clearly Original: can all be generally categorised Suggested revision: can generally be categorised Why it matters: Generally is more naturally placed before the passive verb phrase.
- 7. Use natural collocation Original: unadorned Suggested revision: simple Why it matters: Simple enjoyment expresses the intended idea more naturally than unadorned enjoyment.
- 8. Clarify reference Original: that Suggested revision: these Why it matters: These refers clearly to the different ways of relaxing mentioned earlier in the sentence.
- 9. Improve word order Original: connecting with music emotionally Suggested revision: connecting emotionally with music Why it matters: Placing emotionally next to connecting makes its role in the phrase clearer.
- 10. Avoid redundant wording Original: takes on different variations Suggested revision: takes different forms Why it matters: Takes different forms is the concise idiomatic expression for variation.
- 11. Sentence rewrite Original: I am in agreement with the former as there are other purposes for music but they can all be roughly defined as ways of relaxing. Suggested revision: I agree with the former view because, although music has other purposes, they can broadly be regarded as forms of relaxation. Why it matters: The revision makes the concession and the reason for agreement easier to follow.
- 12. Sentence rewrite Original: This is the reason why workers, students, and parents gravitate towards music, in addition to other kinds of light entertainment, at the end of a long day and explains the enduring success of the industry. Suggested revision: This explains why workers, students, and parents gravitate towards music and other kinds of light entertainment at the end of a long day, as well as why the industry remains successful. Why it matters: The rewrite gives the two coordinated explanations a shared grammatical structure and removes the faulty verb connection.
Suggested Rewrites
- other stated uses other uses
- peoples people
- cope or lift up their spirits cope or lift their spirits
- myriad purposes of artistic appreciation many purposes associated with appreciating art
- the artistic expression of others other people's artistic expression
- can all be generally categorised can generally be categorised
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response is fluent, purposeful, and well developed, with a clear position that intelligently reframes several functions of music as forms of relaxation. The main limitation is that the claim that artistic appreciation and emotional engagement are all relaxation is asserted somewhat broadly. The strongest improvement would be to define relaxation more precisely and justify that classification with a sharper qualification or example.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The essay answers the question directly, sustains a clear degree of agreement, and develops its reasoning with relevant examples.
Qualify the broad definition of relaxation and explain more explicitly why artistic insight fits within that definition.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas are sequenced smoothly, paragraphs have distinct purposes, and cohesive devices guide the argument without obscuring it.
Make the transition from alternative functions to the broader relaxation thesis slightly more explicit to sharpen the argumentative turn.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is wide, precise, and natural, with effective expressions such as unadorned enjoyment and gravitate towards music.
Refine a few abstract phrases, particularly artistic expression of others, to achieve even greater precision.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex sentences is handled accurately, and punctuation supports clear, fluent communication throughout.
For further refinement, vary the opening patterns of long sentences while preserving the current level of grammatical control.
Write this task while it is fresh
Try the same task now. It helps you remember the feedback and write better next time.
IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people think that the most important function of music is to help people relax. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.