Some say that music is as important as other subjects in schools, especially at the preschool level. Do you agree or disagree? Give your opinion.
Sample Response
Music plays a vital role in everybody's life. Some people think that music should be introduced in schools at primary level and it has the same importance as other subjects. I completely agree with the statement. At the earlier stages of life, children are more passionate and capable of learning skills. Music, for example, is very important in life. It refreshes the mind and purifies the soul. It not only has spiritual benefits but also teaches how to fight anger. Therefore, music, if introduced early in primary school can help develop calmness in children when they are at their growing age. On the other hand, art in the form of music, poetry, rhymes can enhance creative skills and also help in learning things. For example, children can memorise poetry and rhymes better if it is played with music. Furthermore, if a child is unable to learn alphabets, music can help him/her to cope up with the difficulty. Above all, children love to come to school when they find a playful subject introduced to them. Learning music in early stages of life can help a child master his/her skills in future and make a successful career out of it. S/he understands lyrics better and develop his interest in the field further. This can lead to his part of living as well as keep his passion alive forever. To conclude I believe that introducing music as a subject in primary schools is a better idea, as music in early stages of life can nurture creative skills, develop calm and composed nature and reduced hostility. However, the true essence of the subject can be made at primary schools when there is a thirst to do something.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Add definite article Original: at primary level Suggested revision: at the primary level Why it matters: The fixed phrase requires the definite article before ‘primary level’.
- 2. Use concise comparison Original: and it has the same importance as other subjects Suggested revision: and is as important as other subjects Why it matters: The comparative structure is more concise and natural than ‘has the same importance’.
- 3. Use natural phrase Original: At the earlier stages of life Suggested revision: In the early stages of life Why it matters: ‘In the early stages’ is the idiomatic expression for this period.
- 4. Use precise collocation Original: fight Suggested revision: manage Why it matters: ‘Manage anger’ is the natural collocation for controlling this emotion.
- 5. Close inserted clause Original: if introduced early in primary school can Suggested revision: if introduced early in primary school, can Why it matters: A comma is needed after the inserted conditional phrase.
- 6. Use natural expression Original: at their growing age Suggested revision: as they grow Why it matters: The original phrase is not an idiomatic way to describe childhood development.
- 7. Use additive linker Original: On the other hand Suggested revision: In addition Why it matters: The next point supports the same position rather than presenting a contrast.
- 8. Complete the list Original: music, poetry, rhymes Suggested revision: music, poetry and rhymes Why it matters: The final item in this three-part list needs a coordinating conjunction.
- 9. Use precise wording Original: help in learning things Suggested revision: support learning Why it matters: ‘Learning things’ is vague, while the revision expresses the educational benefit directly.
- 10. Fix pronoun agreement Original: if it is played with music Suggested revision: when they are set to music Why it matters: The plural nouns ‘poetry and rhymes’ require a plural reference, and ‘set to music’ is the natural expression.
- 11. Use singular noun Original: learn alphabets Suggested revision: learn the alphabet Why it matters: English refers to the complete letter system as ‘the alphabet’.
- 12. Correct phrasal verb Original: cope up with Suggested revision: cope with Why it matters: The standard phrasal verb is ‘cope with’, without ‘up’.
Suggested Rewrites
- at primary level at the primary level
- and it has the same importance as other subjects and is as important as other subjects
- At the earlier stages of life In the early stages of life
- fight manage
- if introduced early in primary school can if introduced early in primary school, can
- at their growing age as they grow
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response’s strongest feature is its clear agreement and its range of relevant benefits, including emotional calm, creativity, learning support, and future skills. The main limitation is uneven development: several claims are repetitive or vaguely explained, and the single-paragraph presentation weakens progression. The highest priority is to group the benefits into distinct body paragraphs and develop each central idea with a precise explanation and example.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A clear position is maintained and several relevant benefits are presented, though some ideas are repetitive, general, or insufficiently explained.
Select two main reasons and develop each fully with a clear explanation and a specific preschool-focused example.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument has a discernible sequence and uses linking expressions, but presenting the entire response as one paragraph weakens organisation and progression.
Divide the essay into an introduction, focused body paragraphs, and a conclusion, with one central idea in each body paragraph.
Lexical Resource
There is sufficient vocabulary for the topic, but recurring collocation errors and vague phrases reduce precision and naturalness.
Replace expressions such as fight anger, cope up, and part of living with accurate, conventional collocations.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses varied sentence forms, but agreement, pronoun, article, and punctuation errors recur and occasionally strain clarity.
Edit systematically for subject-verb agreement and ensure pronouns consistently match their antecedents.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some say that music is as important as other subjects in schools, especially at the preschool level. Do you agree or disagree? Give your opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.