Write about the followng topic: Many parts of the world are losing important natural resources, such as forests, animals, or clean water. Why is this happening? What could be done to prevent it?
Sample Response
In recent years, the world has witnessed a depletion of crucial natural resources, including forests, animals, and clean water, in many parts of the world. This issue has attracted the attention of environmentalists and policymakers who are keen to find solutions to this challenge. This essay aims to examine the reasons why this problem is happening and offers potential measures that could be implemented to mitigate it.
One of the primary reasons for the loss of natural resources is human activity, particularly through deforestation and over-harvesting of animals for commercial purposes. For example, in many parts of the world, forests are being destroyed to create space for urbanization or to make way for agricultural activities. This, in turn, leads to soil erosion, greenhouse gas emissions, and a decline in water quality. Furthermore, the over-exploitation of animals, such as hunting or fishing without proper regulation, poses a significant threat to many species and ultimately leads to extinction.
To prevent the loss of natural resources, there are several measures that could be taken. One approach is the implementation of regulations and policies that limit deforestation and over-harvesting. Governments can also encourage the use of sustainable practices that maintain ecological balance and minimize waste. For instance, forest reserves and protected areas could be established to safeguard natural habitats and prevent illegal activities such as poaching. Additionally, promoting public awareness campaigns to educate individuals on the importance of conserving natural resources can go a long way in changing behaviours.
In conclusion, the loss of natural resources is a critical issue facing the world today, and its impacts are far-reaching. While human activity is a leading cause of this problem, it is encouraging to note that many measures can be taken to mitigate it. Governments, individuals, and other stakeholders have a crucial role to play in safeguarding natural resources to ensure a sustainable future.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use definite article Original: a Suggested revision: the Why it matters: After “has witnessed,” the specific ongoing depletion described by the essay takes the definite article.
- 2. Remove repeated location Original: clean water, in many parts of the world Suggested revision: clean water Why it matters: The location is already established at the start of the sentence, so repeating it makes the opening wordy.
- 3. Use concise cause phrase Original: reasons why this problem is happening Suggested revision: causes of this problem Why it matters: The revision expresses the causal focus more concisely and formally.
- 4. Restore parallel infinitives Original: and offers potential measures Suggested revision: and to offer potential measures Why it matters: The coordinated aims require parallel infinitive forms after “aims.”
- 5. Clarify activity examples Original: human activity, particularly through deforestation Suggested revision: human activities, particularly deforestation Why it matters: The plural form introduces multiple activities, and “through” is unnecessary before the example.
- 6. Use accurate resource term Original: over-harvesting of animals for commercial purposes Suggested revision: commercial overexploitation of animal populations Why it matters: Animals are hunted or exploited rather than “harvested” in the broad sense used here.
- 7. Use precise land phrase Original: create space for urbanization Suggested revision: clear land for urban development Why it matters: The revision describes the physical action and intended land use more precisely.
- 8. Use concise noun Original: agricultural activities Suggested revision: agriculture Why it matters: The single noun conveys the same meaning more directly.
- 9. Use direct verb structure Original: One approach is the implementation of Suggested revision: One approach is to implement Why it matters: The infinitive structure is clearer and less nominalised.
- 10. Avoid awareness redundancy Original: promoting public awareness campaigns to educate individuals on the importance of conserving natural resources Suggested revision: running public campaigns to raise awareness of natural-resource conservation Why it matters: A campaign raises awareness, so stating both “awareness campaigns” and “educate” is unnecessarily repetitive.
- 11. Use formal concise wording Original: can go a long way in changing behaviours Suggested revision: can help change behaviour Why it matters: The revision replaces an informal idiom with a direct academic expression.
- 12. Reduce wordiness Original: have a crucial role to play Suggested revision: play a crucial role Why it matters: The shorter collocation preserves the meaning and improves concision.
Suggested Rewrites
- a the
- clean water, in many parts of the world clean water
- reasons why this problem is happening causes of this problem
- and offers potential measures and to offer potential measures
- human activity, particularly through deforestation human activities, particularly deforestation
- over-harvesting of animals for commercial purposes commercial overexploitation of animal populations
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response is strongest in its clear, balanced organisation of human causes and practical measures, with relevant examples of deforestation, over-harvesting, protected areas, and public education. Its main limitation is that the causes are somewhat narrow and the links to clean-water depletion receive little direct development. The highest-priority improvement is to add a distinct cause affecting water resources and explain how a corresponding measure would address that mechanism.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both questions are answered directly with developed causes and feasible solutions, though the treatment of clean-water loss is comparatively limited.
Add one specific cause of water depletion or pollution and connect it to a targeted preventive measure.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay follows a clear cause-and-solution progression with well-focused paragraphs and cohesive links that rarely attract attention.
Make the relationship between each identified cause and its matching solution even more explicit across the body paragraphs.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is broad, precise, and appropriately formal, including effective environmental terms and natural collocations.
Increase precision further by replacing a few general phrases such as human activity with the exact harmful practice being discussed.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex sentence forms is used accurately and flexibly, with punctuation and agreement consistently controlled.
Sustain this high accuracy while varying clause patterns in the introduction and conclusion to reduce formulaic phrasing.
Write this task while it is fresh
Try the same task now. It helps you remember the feedback and write better next time.
IELTS Writing Task 2
Write about the followng topic: Many parts of the world are losing important natural resources, such as forests, animals, or clean water. Why is this happening? What could be done to prevent it?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.