The tendency of news reports in the media to focus more on problems and emergencies than on positive developments is harmful to the individuals and the society as a whole. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
It is believed by some that mainstream media channels focus most of their attention on the problems and urgent issues in society, rather than on positive news, and this trend is harmful to people. I partly agree with this Idea because such a tendency involves both positive and negative impacts.
On the one hand, a higher frequency of news stories focusing on negative aspects in society is not a good thing, and can have detrimental effects on people’s mental state. For example, news about terrorism and war has become so common in the media that some people may hesitate to travel abroad in fear of suffering from a terrorist attack. Secondly, it can also lead people to have a misunderstanding about many aspects within society, which should be given greater respect and recognition. For example, many tabloids, such as Dispatch of Korea or 14Channel of Vietnam, have always reported on the scandals of celebrities, which can mislead the public into believing in the flaws of showbiz, whereas in reality, it is an industry where many people have made many great contributions to society.
On the other hand, the focus on negative issues rather than positive developments is legitimate to some extent. Firstly, the media can be seen as an effective way to spread news, to even the most remote places, and this can help to bring people together in order to solve serious problems. The more people that are informed about issues, the sooner they can be solved. Secondly, it can help to raise awareness amongst citizens. The more negative stories appear in the media, the higher chance that people will become aware of it and take action towards a solution. For instance, news coverage about cancer has now become a common topic in the media, and as a result, a large amount of people have switched to a healthier lifestyle.
In conclusion, the media has good reason to report on all issues, although the accompanying negative impacts need to be considered.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Lowercase common noun Original: Idea Suggested revision: idea Why it matters: This common noun should not be capitalized mid-sentence.
- 2. Use natural collocation Original: state Suggested revision: health Why it matters: “Mental health” is the more natural term for the harmful psychological effects described here.
- 3. Correct fear expression Original: in fear of suffering from Suggested revision: for fear of Why it matters: “For fear of” expresses that the possible attack is the reason for avoiding travel.
- 4. Clarify the belief Original: believing in the flaws of showbiz Suggested revision: believing that show business is fundamentally flawed Why it matters: The verb pattern “believe that” is needed before a proposition about the industry.
- 5. Remove repetition Original: many people have made many great contributions Suggested revision: many people have made significant contributions Why it matters: “Significant contributions” avoids repeating “many” and is more precise.
- 6. Correct adverb position Original: to even the most remote places Suggested revision: even to the most remote places Why it matters: “Even” should precede the prepositional phrase it emphasizes.
- 7. Fix comparative structure Original: The more people that are informed Suggested revision: The more people are informed Why it matters: The correlative comparative requires a complete clause without the relative pronoun “that.”
- 8. Complete comparative phrase Original: the higher chance Suggested revision: the greater the chance Why it matters: The fixed comparative expression is “the greater the chance.”
- 9. Clarify the reference Original: aware of it Suggested revision: aware of these issues Why it matters: The plural noun phrase gives “they” a clear and grammatically consistent reference.
- 10. Use countable quantifier Original: amount Suggested revision: number Why it matters: Use “number” rather than “amount” with the countable noun “people.”
- 11. Use general reference Original: focus most of their attention on the problems Suggested revision: focus most of their attention on problems Why it matters: The zero article is more natural when referring generally to problems rather than a defined set.
- 12. Use concise phrasing Original: a higher frequency of news stories focusing Suggested revision: more frequent news stories about Why it matters: The revision expresses frequency directly and uses a natural preposition for the stories’ subject.
Suggested Rewrites
- Idea idea
- state health
- in fear of suffering from for fear of
- believing in the flaws of showbiz believing that show business is fundamentally flawed
- many people have made many great contributions many people have made significant contributions
- to even the most remote places even to the most remote places
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response presents a clear, balanced partial-agreement position and uses relevant examples to explain both the harm and potential value of problem-focused reporting. Its main weakness is that several claims, especially the point about distorted views of society, become vague or loosely connected to the central question. The priority is to sharpen each argument's causal link to individual or societal harm and express it with more precise collocations.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A clear partial-agreement position is sustained, and both harmful effects and legitimate benefits are addressed with relevant support.
Make the second harm argument more explicit by showing exactly how scandal-focused coverage damages individuals or society.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay progresses logically through contrasting sides, with clear paragraphing and generally effective linking.
Use more referentially precise transitions and pronouns so links between claims are less mechanical or ambiguous.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is varied and appropriately formal, although several collocations and quantity expressions are imprecise.
Replace awkward phrases such as 'believing in the flaws' and 'a large amount of people' with natural alternatives.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A good range of complex structures is used with generally secure control and only occasional non-impeding errors.
Improve article, agreement, and reference control in comparative patterns such as 'the higher the chance' and 'aware of them.'
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IELTS Writing Task 2
The tendency of news reports in the media to focus more on problems and emergencies than on positive developments is harmful to the individuals and the society as a whole. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.