People are not paying attention to environmental protection. What is the cause and suggest solutions to deal with this issue.
Sample Response
The environment is calling our name worldwide, especially with the frequent occurrence of natural disasters from tsunami to earthquakes. That is the acknowledged threat to the survival of humankind, but the truth remains that people seem to be busy with something else, rather than the mission of salvaging the world before it is too late. Reasons for people’s blatant ignorance of this fact are various, subjectively and objectively.
Governments are partly to be condemned for their lack of serious effort and radical law enforcement on environment protection. The fact is people around the globe are still releasing a huge amount of waste, without being heavily penalized or get away with this, perhaps by simply lobbying the government or bribing some key figures in the authorities. Also, despite the fact that authorities are urging people into using environment-friendly products and campaigns to keep the environment clean, ironically, they are, simultaneously, allowing businessmen to produce as many cars as possible and advertisers to spur consumerism among people, which is undeniably the catalyst for the booming of air pollution and early exhaustion of natural resources.
Objectively, economic imbalance between nations is another culprit of people’s little attention to save the environment. While some nations pass their economic heights, being willing to voice their protests against any action dirtying the environment, others are too hectic with the prodding call of poverty and illiteracy of citizens and find themselves at variance with priorities of the developed world. In this case, any attempt to slow down the development of the latter proves paradoxical, and for that reason, our environment stays fully exploited. The painful truth is that the inherent basic instinct of people, after all, is to feed themselves as much as possible, taking the precedence over doing something for long-term purpose, say, environmental conservation.
Solutions to this head-aching issue are suggested. Drastic measures implemented by governments to minimize pollution are the prohibition of natural exploitation above the limit, discouragement of private means of transportation, and establishment of international treaties, for instance, Kyoto. Nevertheless, this means no worth if each citizen, himself or herself, pays no heed. Long-term remedies, educational programs to raise people’s awareness of environment protection are strongly recommended. It would be such an effective method to inculcate in our little children the immediate consequences of environmental damage, by introducing the environment protection as the mandatory subject at school and frequently showing videos of environment hazards on television everywhere.
To conclude, I strongly believe that once these threats caused by environmental degradation are deeply embedded in our minds, especially children's, our environment will soon be away from jeopardy and our world will be green again.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use plural noun Original: tsunami Suggested revision: tsunamis Why it matters: Tsunami should be plural to match the general range of disasters.
- 2. Match plural reference Original: That is the acknowledged threat Suggested revision: These are acknowledged threats Why it matters: The demonstrative and verb should refer to the plural natural disasters.
- 3. Use precise phrasing Original: busy with something else, rather than the mission Suggested revision: occupied with other concerns rather than the task Why it matters: The revision expresses the contrast more precisely and formally.
- 4. Clarify intended meaning Original: blatant ignorance of this fact Suggested revision: blatant disregard for this issue Why it matters: Disregard accurately conveys a failure to act rather than a lack of knowledge.
- 5. Clarify reason categories Original: are various, subjectively and objectively Suggested revision: vary for both subjective and objective reasons Why it matters: The revision gives the adverbs a clear grammatical relationship to reasons.
- 6. Correct legal collocation Original: law enforcement on environment protection Suggested revision: enforcement of environmental protection laws Why it matters: This is the natural collocation for applying laws that protect the environment.
- 7. Correct verb pattern Original: urging people into using Suggested revision: urging people to use Why it matters: Urge takes an object followed by a to-infinitive.
- 8. Fix parallel objects Original: environment-friendly products and campaigns to keep Suggested revision: environmentally friendly products and to join campaigns that keep Why it matters: The revision makes both coordinated actions depend correctly on urging people.
- 9. Use precise actor Original: businessmen Suggested revision: businesses Why it matters: Businesses more accurately identifies the entities producing cars.
- 10. Correct pollution collocation Original: the booming of air pollution Suggested revision: the rapid increase in air pollution Why it matters: Air pollution increases; booming is not naturally used for this harmful trend.
- 11. Use precise resource term Original: early exhaustion of natural resources Suggested revision: premature depletion of natural resources Why it matters: Depletion is the precise term for resources being used up.
- 12. Clarify causal relationship Original: another culprit of people’s little attention to save the environment Suggested revision: another cause of people’s limited attention to environmental protection Why it matters: The revision uses natural collocations for cause, attention, and environmental protection.
Suggested Rewrites
- tsunami tsunamis
- That is the acknowledged threat These are acknowledged threats
- busy with something else, rather than the mission occupied with other concerns rather than the task
- blatant ignorance of this fact blatant disregard for this issue
- are various, subjectively and objectively vary for both subjective and objective reasons
- law enforcement on environment protection enforcement of environmental protection laws
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response addresses both causes and solutions with a clear structure, substantial development, and an impressively broad vocabulary. Its impact is weakened by overstated or imprecise claims and a recurring pattern of unnatural collocations and grammatical slips in ambitious sentences; the highest priority is to express each causal link and proposed measure in more precise, idiomatic language while trimming rhetorical excess.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both causes and solutions are directly addressed through several developed ideas, though some claims and proposed measures remain broad or insufficiently substantiated.
Explain more concretely how each proposed policy would address the identified cause and avoid relying on sweeping assertions about governments or nations.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay progresses clearly from causes to solutions, with effective paragraphing, although some long sentences and conspicuous linking expressions interrupt the flow.
Strengthen internal progression by shortening overloaded sentences and using connectors only where the logical relationship is not already clear.
Lexical Resource
A wide range of topic-specific and less common vocabulary is used, but noticeable miscollocations and strained phrasing reduce precision and naturalness.
Replace expressions such as head-aching issue and away from jeopardy with idiomatic, exact wording, and check that ambitious vocabulary fits its context.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses varied complex structures with generally clear control, while recurring problems with coordination, articles, agreement, and sentence boundaries remain noticeable.
Proofread complex sentences for parallel verb forms and complete clause structure, particularly around coordinated verbs and appositive phrases.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
People are not paying attention to environmental protection. What is the cause and suggest solutions to deal with this issue.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.