More houses are needed in many countries to cope with increasing populations. Would it be better to build houses in existing towns and cities, or to develop new towns in rural areas?
Sample Response
The demand for houses has increased rapidly these days, due to the significant growth of the world population. Some people think that it is better for property developers to build more houses in existing cities, while others believe that it would be better to build new areas. The following essay will discuss both arguments in details.
It is a fact that the world population has grown rapidly nowadays which increased the demand for housing. It is believed that building more houses in the existing town is better than to expand to new areas. As most workplaces are located in cities surrounding, it would be better for residents to have accommodation which is located near to their work. However, many people do not realise that building more properties in the town means that the city would become denser and traffic congestion would become worst. As a result, air pollution become worst and it distracts the health condition of the residents.
On the other hand, developing new housing areas bring a lot of benefits for the people. Firstly, new towns or cities have a lower property price than those who are located in the city centre, therefore more people could own a house. Secondly, as some of the cities' people move to new towns, it would gradually reduce the density, air pollution and traffic problems in the cities themselves. Thirdly, by developing rural areas, it would develop the economic growth of the rural areas themselves, as there will be new commercial areas and new workplaces as well.
In conclusion, it is obvious that the demand for properties has risen due to the increase of the world population. To cope with the issue, people could build more houses in existing cities or develop new towns. I personally believe that building and developing new areas is better than building new houses in the existing towns.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural collocation Original: significant growth of the world population Suggested revision: substantial growth in the world's population Why it matters: The revised phrase uses a more natural preposition and a more precise academic collocation.
- 2. Clarify the object Original: build new areas Suggested revision: develop new residential areas Why it matters: Areas are developed rather than built, and 'residential' makes the intended meaning precise.
- 3. Use fixed expression Original: details Suggested revision: detail Why it matters: The fixed adverbial expression is 'in detail' in the singular.
- 4. Use plural reference Original: the existing town Suggested revision: existing towns Why it matters: The argument concerns towns generally, so a plural noun without the definite article is required.
- 5. Keep comparison parallel Original: better than to expand Suggested revision: better than expanding Why it matters: The gerund 'expanding' forms a parallel comparison with 'building'.
- 6. Fix phrase structure Original: cities surrounding Suggested revision: and around cities Why it matters: The original noun phrase is ungrammatical in this location.
- 7. Use restrictive relative Original: which Suggested revision: that Why it matters: A restrictive relative clause is more naturally introduced by 'that' here.
- 8. Improve location phrase Original: located near to their work Suggested revision: located near their workplaces Why it matters: 'Near' does not need 'to', and 'workplaces' names the locations more precisely.
- 9. Use precise reference Original: building more properties in the town Suggested revision: building more homes in existing cities Why it matters: This wording keeps the reference consistent with the housing choice stated in the prompt.
- 10. Fix comparative form Original: congestion would become worst Suggested revision: congestion would worsen Why it matters: 'Worst' is a superlative and cannot describe a change of degree in this construction.
- 11. Fix verb agreement Original: air pollution become worst Suggested revision: air pollution would worsen Why it matters: The modal verb restores agreement and 'worsen' expresses the change correctly.
- 12. Correct the collocation Original: distracts the health condition Suggested revision: harms the health Why it matters: 'Distract a health condition' is not an English collocation, whereas 'harm health' expresses the intended effect.
Suggested Rewrites
- significant growth of the world population substantial growth in the world's population
- build new areas develop new residential areas
- details detail
- the existing town existing towns
- better than to expand better than expanding
- cities surrounding and around cities
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response presents a clear preference for developing new towns and organizes relevant advantages and disadvantages in a logical sequence. Its main limitation is that several claims remain broad, while frequent agreement, comparison, and collocation errors reduce precision. The highest-priority improvement is to develop each main point with a concrete consequence or example while proofreading sentence structure and word choice.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response answers the choice directly, considers both locations, and supports its preference with several relevant reasons, though some claims remain broad.
Develop each main reason with a more specific example or explanation of its practical consequences.
Coherence and Cohesion
The four-paragraph structure and progression from the urban option to rural development are clear, despite some mechanical sequencing and repetition.
Use referencing and varied transitions to connect related claims without repeatedly relying on formulaic markers.
Lexical Resource
The response uses an adequate range of housing and urban-development vocabulary, but recurrent inaccurate collocations and word choices reduce precision.
Replace combinations such as comparative forms and health-related phrases with natural, context-appropriate collocations.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex sentences communicates the argument clearly, although agreement, article, comparison, and verb-form errors recur.
Proofread systematically for subject-verb agreement and correct comparative and verb forms in every sentence.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
More houses are needed in many countries to cope with increasing populations. Would it be better to build houses in existing towns and cities, or to develop new towns in rural areas?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.