It has recently been announced that a new movie theatre may be built in your neighbourhood. Do you support or oppose this plan? Why?
Sample Response
I live in a small community. From my everyday experience and observation, I can say that the idea of building a new theatre in my neighbourhood has some advantages as well as disadvantages. In this essay, I will first focus on the reasons why I support this idea and then move on to analysing why someone in my community might oppose it. Finally, I will draw a rational conclusion based on the analysis made throughout the essay and my own belief and observation.
First of all, I like movies and my husband and I sometimes go to the movie theatre to watch premieres. Unfortunately, it is time-consuming for us. We have to drive about 50 minutes to the nearest movies theatre. So, the idea of having a movie theatre in our neighbourhood seems very attractive. It would save us an hour just to get there and another hour to get back home. Another important aspect of it is that in this case, we will be able to get to the movie theatre by foot. I must confess that we always have parking troubles in the parking space near the movie theatre.
Second of all, a new movie theatre is a very good place for students who want to earn some money. My husband and I live near a student community, so I think it would be a great news for them. In addition to this practical benefit students will be able to watch all movies free of charge. I suppose it is a great way to save some money.
Finally, there are usually many restaurants and entertaining centres around a movie theatre and people can have dinner or play game machines there. In contrast, I think that the building of a new movie theatre will destroy the silence and beauty of out community. Such entertaining centres are often noisy. Moreover, traffic jams will probably be the result of it.
In conclusion, I think that if the question was about building a new movie theatre in the next neighbourhood I would completely agree. I agree due to the advantages if will offer.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use concise wording Original: everyday experience and observation Suggested revision: daily experience and observations Why it matters: This phrasing is more concise and uses the natural plural for repeated observations.
- 2. Improve the collocation Original: made Suggested revision: presented Why it matters: An analysis is more naturally described as presented in an essay.
- 3. Use singular modifier Original: movies Suggested revision: movie Why it matters: The attributive noun “movie” should be singular.
- 4. Remove vague wording Original: Another important aspect of it is that in this case, Suggested revision: Another advantage is that Why it matters: This concise phrase identifies the point as a benefit and removes two vague references.
- 5. Use correct phrase Original: by Suggested revision: on Why it matters: The standard expression for walking is “on foot.”
- 6. Use natural wording Original: parking troubles in the parking space Suggested revision: parking problems in the car park Why it matters: This replacement uses natural collocations and avoids repeating “parking.”
- 7. Use formal sequencing Original: Second of all Suggested revision: Secondly Why it matters: Secondly is a more appropriate sequencing expression in a formal essay.
- 8. State the benefit precisely Original: a very good place for students who want to earn some money Suggested revision: a useful source of jobs for students Why it matters: The revision directly identifies employment as the benefit being described.
- 9. Clarify the meaning Original: a student community Suggested revision: a community with many students Why it matters: This wording clearly describes the local population rather than a separate community.
- 10. Remove the article Original: a great news Suggested revision: great news Why it matters: News is uncountable and cannot take the indefinite article.
- 11. Add introductory comma Original: In addition to this practical benefit students Suggested revision: In addition to this practical benefit, students Why it matters: A comma is needed after the introductory prepositional phrase.
- 12. Use the correct noun Original: many restaurants and entertaining centres Suggested revision: many restaurants and entertainment venues Why it matters: Entertainment is the noun needed to classify these venues.
Suggested Rewrites
- everyday experience and observation daily experience and observations
- made presented
- movies movie
- Another important aspect of it is that in this case, Another advantage is that
- by on
- parking troubles in the parking space parking problems in the car park
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response supplies several relevant, concrete reasons about convenience, employment, noise, and traffic, and its paragraph structure makes the discussion easy to follow. The central limitation is an uncertain position: the essay promises a balanced analysis, then ends with a confusing conditional statement about another neighbourhood. The highest priority is to state a direct position in the introduction and confirm it unambiguously after weighing the disadvantages.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Relevant advantages and disadvantages are explained, but the writer's final support or opposition is not expressed consistently or clearly.
State one explicit position on the proposed theatre in this neighbourhood and make every paragraph lead toward that conclusion.
Coherence and Cohesion
Paragraphing and progression are generally clear, although formulaic signposting and the contradictory conclusion weaken the overall line of argument.
Use a simpler introduction and connect the final judgement directly to the advantages and disadvantages already discussed.
Lexical Resource
The response has sufficient vocabulary for the topic, but several inaccurate collocations and word choices reduce precision.
Replace expressions such as movies theatre, by foot, parking troubles, and game machines with natural alternatives.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex forms communicates meaning, but article, conditional, agreement, and proofreading errors are noticeable.
Review articles and conditional structures carefully, especially sentences beginning with if, and proofread for slips such as out and if.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
It has recently been announced that a new movie theatre may be built in your neighbourhood. Do you support or oppose this plan? Why?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.