When a new town is planned, it is more important to develop public parks and sports facilities than shopping centers for people to spend their free time in. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
During the initial phases of urban design, some believe that public parks and sports facilities should take priority over shopping centres as a means of citizens’ recreation. Personally, I believe a mixture of both should be incorporated in order to generate revenue and ensure the wellbeing of the general populace.
Firstly, whilst it should never be the main goal of a town, it is important for urban centers to generate revenue through shopping centres in order to fund infrastructure projects and maintain existing buildings. This would not be possible with the development of free public parks or sports facilities alone, for shopping centres bring in jobs and create tax revenue in ways that public recreational projects cannot. Many people travel to Bangkok, for instance, in order to shop high quality goods at a cheap price - prioritizing public parks over this would cost the country an underdeveloped tourism industry, making a dent in the country’s main source of income.
On the other hand, it is not enough to merely aim to generate revenue, and it should be spent on something that benefits the general populace, like public facilities that are free to use and that encourage wellbeing overall. Public parks have multiple health benefits such as helping cardiovascular health and improving mental health. Furthermore, public facilities may encourage tourists to visit, increasing revenue as they partake in the town’s services. This is why a city such as London, despite being very industrial, still contains large parks in order to help preserve the wellbeing of its inhabitants.
In general, I argue that although there is a need for economic growth and thus a reason to build shopping centres, it is also imperative that the local population can reap the benefits of public parks and sports facilities - hence, the perfect city should strive to have a good mixture of both.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural phrasing Original: as a means of citizens’ recreation Suggested revision: as recreational spaces for citizens Why it matters: The revision expresses the role of parks and facilities more naturally.
- 2. Clarify the pair Original: a mixture of both Suggested revision: a balance between the two Why it matters: The revision refers clearly to the two types of development under discussion.
- 3. Keep spelling consistent Original: centers Suggested revision: centres Why it matters: British spelling is consistent with shopping centres elsewhere in the response.
- 4. Match the plural noun Original: at a cheap price Suggested revision: at low prices Why it matters: Plural prices agrees more naturally with the plural goods.
- 5. Fix the collocation Original: would cost the country an underdeveloped tourism industry Suggested revision: would leave the country with an underdeveloped tourism industry Why it matters: Leave the country with correctly expresses the stated negative result.
- 6. Use correct collocation Original: helping Suggested revision: improving Why it matters: Improve health is the standard collocation for a positive health effect.
- 7. Use precise adjective Original: very industrial Suggested revision: highly industrialised Why it matters: Highly industrialised describes a city with extensive industrial development more precisely.
- 8. Clarify the balance Original: a good mixture of both Suggested revision: a good balance between the two Why it matters: The revision states the relationship between the two development priorities clearly.
- 9. Frame the context directly Original: During the initial phases of urban design Suggested revision: When planning a new town Why it matters: The revision connects the opening more directly to the specific planning scenario in the question.
- 10. Make wording concise Original: in order to generate revenue and ensure the wellbeing of the general populace Suggested revision: to generate revenue and support the wellbeing of the general population Why it matters: The revision reduces wordiness and uses a more natural collocation with wellbeing.
- 11. Sentence rewrite Original: On the other hand, it is not enough to merely aim to generate revenue, and it should be spent on something that benefits the general populace, like public facilities that are free to use and that encourage wellbeing overall. Suggested revision: On the other hand, generating revenue alone is not enough; it should be spent on free public facilities that benefit the general population and promote overall wellbeing. Why it matters: The rewrite gives it a clear reference and improves the logical connection between the two clauses.
- 12. Sentence rewrite Original: Many people travel to Bangkok, for instance, in order to shop high quality goods at a cheap price - prioritizing public parks over this would cost the country an underdeveloped tourism industry, making a dent in the country’s main source of income. Suggested revision: Many people travel to Bangkok, for instance, to buy high-quality goods at low prices; prioritising public parks over shopping centres could therefore weaken the tourism industry and reduce a major source of national income. Why it matters: The rewrite clarifies the comparison and connects the example to its stated economic consequence.
Suggested Rewrites
- as a means of citizens’ recreation as recreational spaces for citizens
- a mixture of both a balance between the two
- centers centres
- at a cheap price at low prices
- would cost the country an underdeveloped tourism industry would leave the country with an underdeveloped tourism industry
- helping improving
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response is strongest in its coherent, nuanced case for combining commercial and public recreational development, expressed through flexible and mostly precise language. Its main limitation is that the degree of agreement with the stated priority remains somewhat indirect, and a few examples shift from planning a new town to broader national tourism. The highest-priority improvement is to weigh the two priorities explicitly and tie every example to the proposed town-planning decision.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response presents a clear balanced position and develops relevant economic and wellbeing arguments, though its answer to the precise priority question is somewhat indirect.
State exactly how far parks and sports facilities should take priority, then compare their importance with shopping centres using the same planning criteria.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument is easy to follow, with well-focused paragraphs, clear progression, and cohesive devices that rarely draw attention to themselves.
Sharpen the transition between revenue generation and public spending so the second body paragraph follows even more directly from the first.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is varied and flexible across urban planning, economics, and health, with occasional imprecise collocations such as “helping cardiovascular health” and “partake in the town’s services.”
Use more exact combinations such as “improving cardiovascular health” and “using local services,” and avoid overstating descriptions such as “very industrial.”
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex sentences are handled with strong accuracy and variety, and the few reference or punctuation lapses do not impede meaning.
Clarify pronoun reference in sentences such as the one about generating and spending revenue, and replace informal hyphens with conventional punctuation.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
When a new town is planned, it is more important to develop public parks and sports facilities than shopping centers for people to spend their free time in. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.