Some countries are considering imposing curfews in which teenagers will not be allowed outdoors at night unless an adult accompanies them. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this policy?
Sample Response
In certain parts of the world, adolescents are not allowed to go outside at night without the supervision of an adult owing to the consideration of security. This essay follows the given statement as there are manifold reasons to substantiate it.
Compared to the bygone days, the crime rate is on the increase among teens. Most of the youngsters are in the clutches of the drug mafia and immoral activities of the lack of parent’s supervision. In some parts of the world, the government has taken some necessary actions to prevent the crime rate in youngsters. As a part of that, the night curfew has been implemented, and the ruling body has triumphed to reduce child abuse. Although the adolescents are aware of the insecure situation in the world, they are accompanied by their peer group as they might lead to sexual abuse or drug addiction. For instance, the recent survey conducted by the cosmopolitan magazine shares that the children consulting the psychologist are either addicted to drugs or victims of sexual embarrassment.
Furthermore, adolescents get involved in horrifying events like throwing people into pools for fun which can cause death if they do not know swimming. And these all activities happened during night time when there are no adults around them. On the other hand, if an adult accompanies teenagers, they are less likely to be approached by criminals. This protects them from many devils. Also, the parent or guardian who accompanies their children can keep a tab on their activities and warn them when they cross the limits.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural phrasing Original: owing to the consideration of security Suggested revision: for security reasons Why it matters: For security reasons is the idiomatic way to express this cause.
- 2. Use concise comparison Original: Compared to the bygone days Suggested revision: Compared with the past Why it matters: The revised phrase is more concise and natural in formal writing.
- 3. Use direct wording Original: is on the increase Suggested revision: is increasing Why it matters: The direct verb expresses the trend more concisely.
- 4. Match the plural setting Original: the government has taken Suggested revision: governments have taken Why it matters: In some parts of the world refers to multiple jurisdictions, so a plural subject is clearer.
- 5. Correct the collocation Original: prevent the crime rate in youngsters Suggested revision: reduce crime among young people Why it matters: A crime rate is reduced rather than prevented, and among is the natural preposition for a group.
- 6. Clarify the reference Original: As a part of that Suggested revision: As part of these measures Why it matters: These measures refers clearly to the government actions in the previous sentence.
- 7. Correct the verb pattern Original: has triumphed to reduce Suggested revision: has succeeded in reducing Why it matters: Succeed in doing is the natural construction for achieving a result.
- 8. Use reporting verb Original: shares Suggested revision: reports Why it matters: Reports is the appropriate verb for presenting a survey finding.
- 9. Clarify the group Original: the children consulting the psychologist Suggested revision: children who consult psychologists Why it matters: The relative clause and plural noun express the general group clearly.
- 10. Choose accurate term Original: embarrassment Suggested revision: abuse Why it matters: Embarrassment does not convey the serious harm described in this context.
- 11. Use precise wording Original: horrifying events like Suggested revision: dangerous acts such as Why it matters: Dangerous acts describes the behavior more precisely and formally.
- 12. Clarify the pronoun Original: which can cause death if they do not know swimming Suggested revision: which can be fatal if the victims cannot swim Why it matters: The revision removes the ambiguous they and uses the natural verb swim.
Suggested Rewrites
- owing to the consideration of security for security reasons
- Compared to the bygone days Compared with the past
- is on the increase is increasing
- the government has taken governments have taken
- prevent the crime rate in youngsters reduce crime among young people
- As a part of that As part of these measures
Why this response received Band 5.5
The response maintains a clear supportive position and offers relevant safety-based reasons for requiring adult accompaniment. Its main limitation is that some claims are unclear or weakly connected, and the essay ends without a concluding synthesis; the priority is to organise the argument around two clearly explained risks, use credible examples, and finish by restating the precise extent of agreement.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response addresses the policy with a clear position and relevant safety arguments, but some support is implausible or insufficiently developed.
Develop two credible reasons in depth and add a conclusion that clearly restates the extent of agreement.
Coherence and Cohesion
The broad progression is understandable, but faulty logical links and the abrupt ending weaken overall cohesion.
Give each paragraph one controlling idea and connect every example explicitly to how the curfew would reduce that risk.
Lexical Resource
The response shows some range, but frequent inappropriate collocations and imprecise wording sometimes obscure the intended meaning.
Replace inflated expressions with accurate topic language and check that each verb naturally combines with its noun.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of sentence structures is attempted, although frequent errors in tense, reference, articles, and clause construction reduce accuracy.
Use shorter complex sentences and check pronoun reference and verb tense systematically during revision.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some countries are considering imposing curfews in which teenagers will not be allowed outdoors at night unless an adult accompanies them. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this policy?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.