Nowadays famous people are photographed by professional photographers everywhere they go. Some people say this is a good thing because the public are interested in their lives. Other people think that photographers are wrong to follow famous people.
Sample Response
These days celebrities are always followed with journalists and fans. Someone can think thats great, because in this way we can know about their lives. However, in my opinion it's unhealthy behavior and even stalking, which can result for mental problems for stars.
Firstly, It is really hard all time be a front of cameras everywhere. You can't go with your friends to the party or just have a cup of coffee with your family. Every your moves will be recorded and notated and it can affect for your health. The worst factor is what famous people can't even dated without news and comments about it. It is not only stars suffer their partners, relatives, friends and colleagues feel this presure too. For example, Korean idols always suffer from their fans, if they start date with someone.
Secondly, I realise why media and social platforms so follow of celebrities. We always want to know how going our idol. A lot of information it is a great way for closer get acquainted with your favorite actor or singer. But, despite interesting it becomes a really big trouble where the stars like the pets in a cage. Another example, it when famous people can't even normally arrive into airport— the photographers already wait them.
In summary, to photograph every step of celeb it is sick. With time fans and media workers forgot what they admire of their idols and just started stalking them in every place. Like I wrote before, most of us have a favourite person, but we can't interfere into their personal lives.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Preposition error Original: followed with Suggested revision: followed by Why it matters: The passive voice 'followed' should be paired with the preposition 'by' to indicate the agent.
- 2. Grammar and punctuation Original: Someone can think thats great Suggested revision: Some people may think that is great Why it matters: 'Someone' refers to a single, unspecified person; 'some people' is better for general opinions. Also, 'thats' needs an apostrophe ('that's') or should be written out as 'that is'.
- 3. Preposition error Original: result for Suggested revision: result in Why it matters: The verb 'result' collocates with 'in' when introducing an effect or consequence.
- 4. Awkward phrasing Original: It is really hard all time be a front of cameras Suggested revision: it is really hard to be in front of cameras all the time Why it matters: This phrase lacks the infinitive marker 'to' and uses incorrect prepositions and word order.
- 5. Possessive determiner order Original: Every your moves Suggested revision: Every move you make Why it matters: 'Every your moves' is ungrammatical. 'Every' should be followed by a singular noun, and the possessive pronoun should come first (e.g., 'Every one of your moves' or 'Every move you make').
- 6. Incorrect preposition Original: affect for your health Suggested revision: affect your health Why it matters: The verb 'affect' is transitive and does not require a preposition.
- 7. Grammar error Original: what famous people can't even dated Suggested revision: that famous people cannot even date Why it matters: Use 'that' instead of 'what' to introduce the clause. Also, modal verbs like 'can't' must be followed by the base form of the verb ('date'), not the past tense ('dated').
- 8. Missing relative pronoun Original: It is not only stars suffer Suggested revision: It is not only stars who suffer; Why it matters: A relative pronoun ('who' or 'that') is needed to connect the clauses in this cleft sentence.
- 9. Verb pattern error Original: if they start date with someone Suggested revision: if they start dating someone Why it matters: The verb 'start' should be followed by a gerund ('dating') or an infinitive ('to date'). Also, 'date' does not require 'with' when used transitively here.
- 10. Incorrect word choice Original: so follow of celebrities Suggested revision: follow celebrities so closely Why it matters: 'Follow of' is incorrect. The verb 'follow' should directly take 'celebrities' as its object.
- 11. Incomplete clause Original: how going our idol Suggested revision: how our idols are doing Why it matters: This phrase is ungrammatical and lacks a proper verb structure.
- 12. Word order Original: closer get acquainted Suggested revision: get better acquainted Why it matters: 'Get better acquainted' or 'get closer to' is more natural English.
Suggested Rewrites
- followed with followed by
- Someone can think thats great Some people may think that is great
- result for result in
- It is really hard all time be a front of cameras it is really hard to be in front of cameras all the time
- Every your moves Every move you make
- affect for your health affect your health
Why this response received Band 5.5
The essay presents a clear personal opinion and addresses both sides of the debate, which is its strongest feature. However, the response is heavily limited by frequent grammatical errors and awkward word choices that occasionally obscure meaning. To improve, focus on mastering prepositional collocations and structuring complex sentences with greater accuracy.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The candidate addresses both sides of the prompt and expresses a clear position. However, some ideas are repetitive, and the development of the counter-argument (why the public is interested) is quite brief.
Ensure both sides of the argument are developed with equal depth and supported by fully explained, realistic examples.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has a clear overall structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, cohesive devices are sometimes used inaccurately, and paragraph transitions could be smoother.
Practice using a wider variety of linking words and ensure that referencing pronouns clearly point to their intended nouns.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is sufficient for a basic discussion of the topic, but there are frequent errors in word choice, collocation, and word formation (e.g., 'follow of', 'interfere into').
Study common collocations, especially verbs followed by specific prepositions, to avoid unnatural phrasing.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Grammar is the weakest area. There are frequent errors in sentence structure, subject-verb agreement, article usage, and preposition choice, which occasionally force the reader to re-read.
Focus on basic sentence structures, particularly gerunds as subjects, modal verbs, and correct prepositional phrases.